| 6/19-6/21
2004 To mark our 18th anniversary
(and to take advantage of a long weekend without the kids!), my wife and I
were looking for a clothing optional resort that wasn't as far (or as
expensive) as Jamaica. We discovered Paradise Lakes thanks to DennyP.com,
and had a wonderful time! Visit their site (www.paradiselakes.com)
and you'll learn everything you need to know. Booking is a breeze, the rates
in June, when we went, are very reasonable -- $80 a night for a spotless,
brand new, air conditioned and completely furnished condo (with kitchenette)
that was a two-minute walk from the pool area. There are sexy touches in the
room -- porn tapes for the TV, and a mirrored headboard and ceiling -- but
nothing sleazy. The resort is half an hour's drive north of the Tampa
Airport (cab fare was $45, and the Fun Shuttle you can book online is $40,
so either way is the same). Once we arrived, we noticed the prominent "NO
CAMERAS" sign and heeded the advice. Check-in was a breeze (it took maybe
two minutes), and we were off to inspect our room. Apparently people who own
timeshares or homes at Paradise Lakes sublet them through the resort during
weeks when they will be away, and there are plenty of properties to choose
from. In 15 minutes, we were nude and walking through the lobby toward the
pool area, where we would remain, horizontal, for the rest of our three-day
stay. There is a nightclub/restaurant in the main building. The club seemed
large and well outfitted (we don't dance, so we didn't attend what
reportedly are sometimes risque dances there). The restaurant looks like a
Dennys, with food quality to match -- not bad, but definitely not gourmet.
The cool thing is that you can eat dinner or lunch stark naked if you want.
The wait staff is clothed. This struck us as just a wee bit odd, so we put
on minimal clothing when eating there. Around us were people who exercised
their own option to wear nothing at all. Hey, no problem! The central
outdoor area is basically a big courtyard with an S-shaped pool that's a
moderate temperature, with nice gentle jets; a huge pool surrounded by deck
chairs; at least one hot tub (we never did find the second one that I think
was supposed to be there); and a small pool that's reserved for
take-no-prisoners volleyball games most days, but was vacant on one of the
days we stayed there, so we took advantage of that for a nice leisurely
swim. The pools are spotlessly maintained and very welcoming. The focal
point is Key West, the circular bar/eating area under a metal roof in the
midst of the pools. Here's where you can get half-price drinks anytime it
rains (it rained briefly each day we were there, so we took advantage of
two-fisted drink specials!). The bartenders are topless (men and women),
which is no big deal when everybody ordering drinks is naked. You can order
from a bar menu and they'll bring you sandwiches from the restaurant, which
is nice. The wings were wonderful! There is also a barbecue set up on
weekends by the covered pool, so you can buy ribs, burgers or chicken and
eat poolside. You won't go hungry! There are live bands playing on the pool
deck on weekends. The clientele is nice and diverse -- some single men on
weekend passes, a lot of couples (ranging from 30s to maybe 70s!), and all
body types, so you don't have to be ashamed of not being model gorgeous. We
were free to lay around under big umbrellas to keep from getting scorched,
or pull up one of hundreds of chaise lounges to toast ourselves briefly.
Nobody propositioned us or embarrassed us, which was our main reason for
choosing Paradise Lakes. They have an enforced "no public sexual activity"
policy that is posted in several places throughout the resort. We were
uncomfortable with the level of friski ness at Hedo II, and this resort made
us completely comfortable. We've never been so relaxed on vacation! We
chatted with several couples and had a fun time getting to know them,
without feeling that we were going to be sexually assaulted. We splurged on
a couples massage at the spa, and it was wonderful! For $150, we got a male
and female masseuse for a blissful hour. They are professional and very good
at what they do! I highly recommend getting a massage or perhaps another spa
service while you're there. You can rent bikes or get a canoe to paddle
around the (very small) pond, but don't fall in, because gators will get
you. That didn't inspire confidence, so we steered clear. For a laugh, we
played miniature golf nude (a first for us!), which took maybe 15 minutes.
There's not a whole lot to do at night other than soak in the pool or go to
the disco. There are theme dances, and Monday is movie night, when you can
have dinner while watching new movies on a big-screen TV. You could rent a
car and visit the nearby sites, but really -- why would you?? The maid
service was impeccable, the staff was professional and welcoming, the resort
is spotlessly clean, and the drinks are great and reasonably priced (maybe
$3.50 for a mixed drink in a large plastic cup), and even the most elaborate
cocktails don't top $4.50. There is a boutique on site that is very pricey,
but I guess if you're in the market for nipple jewelry or hooker shoes,
you're willing to pay a little more. After the big crowds left on Sunday, we
saw grandparents with toddlers playing in the pool, and people stopped to
admire the tykes. That's typical of the mood at Paradise Lakes, which is
welcoming and sexy, but vigilant about the rules. I suppose you could find
swingers if you were looking, but we never saw anything inappropriate. Just
lots of fun, nude people sharing a bit of paradise together. Would we go
back? In an instant! This may be our home away from home whenever we can get
a few days to ourselves. GO! |