Trip Report Paradise Lakes Resort Memorial Day Weekend 2005 - John-John
Although weve been to PL numerous times before, this was our first Memorial Day visit. Weve enjoyed Valentines Weekend every year for the past few years and wondered what Memorial Day would be like. A convenient wedding anniversary gave us a good excuse to find out.
Getting There:
Anyone who lives in the Southeast United States is well versed in the ancient axiom: Even if you die and go to Hell, you have to change planes in Atlanta. Thus, unless you live north of say, Charlotte, driving to PL wont take any longer than flying from home, changing planes in Atlanta, and renting a car in Tampa for the drive to PL. Besides, automobile trunks hold more slut shoes than the average airline-approved luggage. And its only a matter of time before the Homeland Security boys will classify those six-inch stiletto heels in your carry-on bags as deadly weapons. We drove.
Preparations:
We were whipped into a pre-departure frenzy via the Paradise Lakes weekly e-mail newsletter. It outlined all of the activities for the Memorial Day weekend, dubbed a Helluva Hukilau, by the entertainment coordinator, Deb Bowen. The newsletter is a Monday evening must-read each week. Deb does an outstanding with it and as the on-scene social coordinator she is a non-stop bundle of energy and fun.
Our other preparations included the usual tanning bed activities, packing of all those things you cant wear in public, and making the usual rash promises to one another.
Check-In:
It was a breeze five minutes tops. By way of comparison, we had stayed at a four star hotel the week before and it took fifteen minute for the clerk to figure out our room reservation and to give us our keys.
I had to reserve the condo with a credit card (one night deposit) and I was billed up front for the other three nights at check-in. Note: Grounds fees are also added to your bill up front. ANNR/TNS members get a discounted grounds fee rate and PL Associate Members pay even less. Grounds fees are calculated at per person, per day, and are somewhat of a hidden cost for your stay. First-timers should make sure you understand that everybody except Full Members pays some sort of grounds fee. Holiday weekends usually require a three-day minimum hotel/condo stay (if youre staying in a PL managed property), but any unbooked rooms are released on the Thursday prior to the weekend. AANRs The Bulletin has a lot of ads for private rentals and you might comparison shop.
Lodging:
We opted for a PL managed condo in The Fountains, where we have stayed on several previous trips. By using the hotels condo instead of a privately owned one, we were able to charge everything to the room and pay one bill as we left.
Note: Everybody should stay in the hotel rooms by the pool at least once. Its deemed a right of passage not unlike your freshmen year in the dorm at college. Then you can graduate to the condos.
The Fountains are the newest condos and are near the main club building, making it a short walk home from the nightly dances on sore feet. We had a beautifully furnished one bedroom condo, with a living and dining area and a galley style kitchen. The dining area had a lovely dining room table and four chairs and the living room had a couch, and an armchair. It also had a large screen TV in its entertainment center. Luckily, the entertainment came with all of the directions for the three remote controls it took to run it. This became important when I discovered the stack of porner, educational videos, under the entertainment center
We stopped by the local Publix supermarket on the drive in, stocked up, and managed to eat most of our meals in the room. Note: This practice gives you a chance to get out of the sun occasionally, eat at your leisure, and charge only the most important things booze and stuff from the Boutique - to your room.
The Restaurant:
We ate dinner with friends in the restaurant, PL Hemingways. (Presumably, the PL stands for Paradise Lakes; God only knows why Hemingways was chosen) the first night. The restaurant - nobody calls it PL Hemingways is located between the nightclub (dubbed LAttitudes, but again, nobody calls it that) and the huge conversation pool, and boasts a view of the conversation pool area through large floor to ceiling windows. Booths line the windows and the far wall closest to the nightclub, with large tables in between. The food was good and the service was attentive. Dinner attire ranged from nude, to clubwear, to lingerie, in a pleasant mix. The restaurant is open for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and serves take-out sandwiches by the pool during the day via a crew of waitresses. Based on past experience, we vote dinner as their best effort. Breakfast, especially when they have a breakfast buffet, isnt worth the price.
The Nightclub:
We visited the nightclub each of the four nights we were there. The DJ plays a variety of danceable music through a good sound system and mixes fast with slow tunes to allow the crowd from 20+ to 80+ (one old guy) (median age of the rest of us: 40) a chance to alternately gyrate and grope. Male attire for the dances was predictably conservative: generally shorts and resort shirts. Happily, the ladies filled in with every imaginable combination of clubwear, slutwear, and lingerie. High heels were the norm for the ladies and as a result, there were a lot of foot rubs being given in the conversation pool by the end of the evening. Rarely does anyone come to the dances nude; some, however, leave that way as the evening wears on. More often, ladies who are covered up at 8 are topless by 11. Is this a great country or what? Table service is slow due the crush of people and a shortage of waitresses. The nightclubs large main bar is usually packed 2-3 deep, so you have to elbow your way in to order a drink. Sometimes this can be a pleasant experience if you pick the right spot. A smoking area just outside the main bar has been added, since Florida law bans smoking indoors where food is served. (Since the restaurant and nightclub are in the same building, theres no smoking in either.)
Sunday night featured an excellent live band and an overly packed nightclub. We left early and made our way past the conversation pool to the Key West Bar.
The Key West Bar:
At least this name makes some sense, as it supports the name with a somewhat tropical theme. It straddles the peninsula of deck between the conversation pool and the main pool and features tables and, of course, a bar. During the day, its a great place to get out of the sun and hang out (literally). At night, it is an alternative to the nightclub, often with live music on the weekends. Since no food is served, you can smoke in there.
The People:
Since it was a holiday weekend, PL was packed. We saw old friends from previous trips, waved at some folks wed seen on other visits, and made some new friends whom we partied with the rest of the weekend.
Friday afternoons pool crowd was friendly and chatted away in the water. Saturdays pool gathering was less friendly due to the absolute jam of folks in the water and on the deck, while Sundays group had obviously made friends with one another and had a great time together. A live steel band played poolside on Saturday and Sunday evening featured a live Hawaiian review, complete with a fire dance.
As for social interaction, we observed lots of hugging, a little kissing, but nothing dramatic a la Hedo. The same held true in the conversation pool at night. PL has added more security people to patrol the dance and the conversation pool since our last visit in February and the fun is apparently over. On Saturday night about 11:00, a security person told a couple to break it up in the conversation pool. From our vantage point ten feet away, it looked like they were just cuddling. In fact, it was something no one had noticed until the guard approached. To my mind this seemed a bit intrusive and it definitely ended any evil plans for my wife that I might have been hatching.
To be fair, I have no knowledge of the wee hours activities, but it appeared that PL is currently saying no hanky-panky in the conversation pool and meaning it; at least before midnight. Those who are still interested in late-night aquatic hookups must stay up late or might try the hot tub on the old side of the resort instead. Just a suggestion
Yes, there are swingers/lifestylers at PL - just like there are at most PTA meetings - but nothing was overt and no one made you feel uncomfortable. PL often gets slammed in nudist circles (www.rec.nude, in particular) as a hotbed of swinging, but I must have missed the memo on where all of it occurs.
The Boutique:
The Boutique (it has no cute name that I know of) features shoes, jewelry, lingerie, ladies hats, some limited mens resort wear, and large towels with the PL logo. Best of all, there are no dressing rooms, so the ladies try on and take off stuff right in the boutique. On Sunday, a couple of friends were trying on some nasty little outfits in the boutique and wanted their husbands opinion. The manager let them wear the outfits out to the pool to show their husbands and we all voted on them. I love this country.
Lessons Learned: (OK, this is the way we did trip reports in my previous life)
- Paradise Lakes is a fun, clean, upscale nudist/clothing optional destination in the United States that just keeps getting better.
- Holiday weekends are somewhat crowded and more expensive, but you get what you pay for in terms for people (lots) and fun activities.
- Clothing Optional actually means be naked in the pool in the daylight and wear provocative stuff at night before getting naked in the conversation pool.
- Being an AANR member saves money on grounds fees.
- Being a PL Associate Member pays for itself in reduced grounds fees, etc. by about Day 10.
- Women who wear high heels i.e. 3 inches and higher, look great and should be rewarded with foot rubs and anything else they desire.
- People come in all sizes and shapes and everybody smiles when theyre naked.
- Pubic hair at Paradise Lakes should be classified by the Sierra Club as a vanishing species.
- Put your towels on the lounge chairs by the pool/hot tub/conversation pool before 8AM or risk sitting far away from the fun.
- Save the late-night outdoor lovin for late night.
- Even if you dont dance, go to the dances the ladies outfits are worth it and the sound system is great.
- Save room in your suitcase by packing slut shoes without their shoeboxes.
Recommendations:
Rent a condo.
Patronize the boutique.
Shave it all off.
As you cross the border on the drive to PL, remind your companion that Florida is a no-panty state.
Pack light.
Enjoy yourself.
Conclusion:
We love the place. Well be back.