Our late December Hedo Trip
Travel:
I need to put the travel portion in because I believe it to be a necessary warning for my fellow hedonists.
We flew to Jamaica on Dec. 24. In our 6 previous trips we have always flown Air Jamaica and usually the flight is a party in a box! The lion’s share of the people on the flight are on their way to a Caribbean vacation and the general vibe of the plane reflects that happy mood.
Not so this time! I would say that over 90 percent of the people on the plane were Jamaicans returning home for Xmas, and let’s face it, Jamaicans aren’t much better than Americans when it comes to being in a foul mood while doing holiday traveling. This was one unhappy and sober bunch of people, so a nice somber flight to the island. Then we entered the immigration area to be greeted by the hugest crowd I have ever seen in that room at one time. There must have been at least 500 people in that place all waiting in line. Again I say, in our six previous trips we have yet to take more than 10-15 minutes to clear immigration, customs and find ourselves on the bus to Hedo. This time it was over an hour! What a bummer of a way to start our vacation.
Fortunately it was just us and three other hedonists on the bus (minivan, actually) and we were able to convince the driver to skip that silly pit stop and take us directly to the resort. The road is slowly being completed and the trip is a little shorter every time we go. This time it was not quite an hour and twenty minutes, with quite a bit of it on new, non-bumpy road.
The Resort:
Well, there has been a lot of message board space devoted to the resort having a mold and mildew problem in the recent months, so we had our concerns. Thankfully all that feedback seems to have had an effect on the management as there was no mold problem in our room (800 building). For that I do wish to thank those who have gone before and registered complaints.
We had heard that the Quad was under renovation which included the pool, hot tub, bar, and all the rooms. They said that it would be open by Sunday. Well Sunday came and went and still the work persisted over there. Nevertheless, they seemed to be working steadily and actually had most of it done and the pool filled up by Wednesday morning when we left. The resort was at the lowest level of occupancy that I have ever seen, so I actually think having the Quad closed was a good thing. This way all the guests were concentrated in either the nude or the prude areas. To give you an idea how small the crowd was, we never saw a time when all the chairs around the nude pool were taken. It was nice to not have to mess with that stupid “run out and save chairs really early” baloney.
I did talk to a couple who had spent the money and requested swim-up rooms which they obviously didn’t get, I’m sure this really sucked for them. You’d think the resort would be honest when booking this stuff. It’s not like they didn’t know in advance that they were going to be doing these renovations.
There was also evidently a bit of a water problem in some of the rooms. Some people we were there with seldom had hot water, a couple of times they had no water whatsoever. Again, thankfully, this was not the case for the entire resort. We pretty much always had hot water. It was only warm during those peak usage times when everybody is taking a shower at once, but it was never cold. The water did go off completely for a couple of hours one day, but it happened while we were out by the nude pool so it really didn’t hurt us at all. It was back on in plenty of time for our afternoon shower.
Along with the quad renovation, we were informed that the piano bar was closed for remodeling as well. This alarmed us since we absolutely love Glen and usually have a blast up there. We were assured that it would also be re-opened on Sunday. Of course Hedo being Hedo, they weren’t altogether realistic about that either. Still they tried to keep it going and had Glen set up down by the pool tables, borrowing the electric keyboard from the house band. The effort was appreciated, but it just wasn’t the same. Especially having to go all the way over to the main bar for drinks, that got to be a real drag. It might not have been such a problem if they at least had trays so you could get an entire round for everyone at a time. Still hedonists are nothing if not resourceful, and a couple of plates swiped off the buffet worked well enough. We shoved the plastic chairs aside and dragged the comfy chairs over from in front of those ridiculous slot machines which actually made for pretty nice seating.
Speaking of slot machines, allow me to clamber up on top of my soap box for a moment: What the hell are they thinking? It started out as just a few. Then a few more. They would just sit there all day and night. Nobody ever playing them. You would think management would get a clue “nobody is playing these things! Give it up!” but evidently they instead decided that maybe if they added more; people might actually play them. They have just been growing like a fungus, every year more and more. Now the idiots have romoved one of the pool tables and one of the ping pong tables and the entertainment complex is overflowing with these idiotic things! This is probably the one aspect of the resort that is even stupider and less appreciated than the “art auction”. But, sadly, I guess they think they might actually manage to bilk a few more dollars out of their guests so I suppose there’s no getting rid of them at this point.
The Food:
I don’t know why people keep complaining about the quality of the food at Hedo. I am a pretty picky eater and I have absolutely no problem finding plenty of good stuff on the buffets. Both the Japanese and Italian restaurants are terrific! My wife and I have never had a bad meal at either of them and this trip was no exception. I realize that the Jamaican cuisine at the Scotch Bonnet (I’m sorry, “the Reggae Café”) is pretty watered down for the tourists, nevertheless it’s a nice departure from the standard fare and a great place for lunch. Of course, we have figured out to eat there right away when we first arrive at the resort, it’s just too much effort to actually put clothes on once you are entrenched on your nude pool lounger. And besides, damn those nudie grill burgers are good!
The People:
Let’s face it. None of us are going to Hedo for the food, the facilities, the hospitality, or even the free flowing liquor, although all of those things are very important aspects of the equation. We go for the people, the frivolity, the fun and the party in general. This week, although lacking in numbers, did not lack in general good times at all.
We did do one thing differently this year. Many people like to meet others online who are going at the same time as themselves, they will then get a group together and communicate via e-mails and chat rooms during the time leading up to the actual trip. My wife and I have never done this in our previous trips, preferring instead the spontaneity of the moment. This time we decided to give it a try and joined a group of fellow hedonists who would be there during the Xmas and New Year’s holidays. They were a great bunch of people and ranged from first timers to people who had been there 11+ times. We all corresponded on a daily basis prior to the upcoming trip and then pretty much hung together during our stay. We certainly did enjoy the other group members on both an individual level as well as a fun group dynamic, but we did discover something about ourselves.
A big part of our enjoyment of the “naughty” parts of Hedonism3 comes from the aspect of being quite anonymous. The idea that “nobody knows you and you’ll never see these people again, so it’s ok to cut loose”. This sort of backfired with us regarding the group we had joined. It just felt weird being “naughty” in their presence because we felt as though we knew them, therefore the only times we felt comfortable doing frisky stuff and being wild was when we were separated from the group. This certainly wasn’t a terrible issue, it’s a big resort, and we most certainly found plenty of times and opportunities to be naughty, but I’m sure the rest of the group most likely felt as though we were old fuddy-duddys. For that I apologize, I guess it’s just hard to overcome one’s innate nature.
In Conclusion:
This was our 7th trip. We have had better trips, and we have had worse trips. This one was certainly one of the better ones, however we did make several observations. The resort itself is most definitely showing signs of wear. For instance, I don’t remember the last time I was there while all of the fountains and waterfalls were in working condition. Also we’ve noticed lots of other indications of “belt tightening by the management. The portions in the sit-down restaurants have certainly gotten smaller. They apparently no longer have the “Repeat customer” cocktail party. They’ve stopped offering the 5 for 5 deal. I called one night to have another person added to our dinner reservation and the person told me (before I even mentioned when our reservation was) that it would be impossible. They are completely booked and there is not even one extra seat available. That night at dinner there was never a time when the restaurant was even half full. Now fortunately, I was astute enough to know the drill, and we showed up with the extra person anyway, but come on people… give me a break.
Still, don’t get me wrong. These things were no more than minor annoyances. Overall, we had a wonderful time, we met some terrific people ,and I finally went down the waterslide. (Mrs. Woofie is convinced that she will walk away from that experience with an entire body full of bruises and I respect her enough to not allow her to be the victim of peer pressure, or beer pressure, whatever.) Once again we left the resort already plotting our imminent return and mentally figuring how we can stretch the budget to allow even more trips per year. (Let’s see, if we only eat twice a week, and we can start selling blood, and I hear the psych department at the local medical school needs subjects for experiments…) All in all even though Hedo3 is no longer shiny and new and squeaky clean like it was on our first trip, it’s still the adult wonderland that we will always love. We will return… Soon!