Sorry guys, but this trip report is a bit on the scatter-brained side. We wanted to make sure to get it all out, and because of it’s length, we had to stop and start a few times, which only made this all the more loopy to read. We had fun, hope you enjoy reading about it…
Reservations
They were made in April 2005 through Priceline.com. We did this because of our previous negative experiences with local travel agents. We felt we got a really good deal from Priceline.com, but later would regret using them. Our seats on the planes were lousy (next to the toilets on our puddle jumper to Atlanta), and it was almost impossible to get an agent on the phone who gave a damn.
We traveled to Hedonism 3 for 3 nights and 4 days during October 17th through the 20th. We flew Delta. Potty monitor job sucked, and whoever brought their year old child to Jamaica – we were all ready to strangle her. Her baby screamed about 90% of the 3 hour flight. This is why it’s good to leave babies at home when flying from the States to Jamaica. Wait until your kids are old enough to enjoy the trip!!!
The Weather
We had rain every single stinking day and night. We had a reprieve of sun for about 3 hours on Wednesday, and a few hours here and there where it misted instead of poured.
The Airport (Jamaica)
We felt like hamsters in a maze, but they’re doing construction, and the extra walking probably helped us from gaining a pound from all the food and drinks we would have for the next 4 days. On the way home, we didn’t like being stuck near customs waiting to be let through the double doors to go to our gate. For whatever reason, they prefer fliers to stay corralled up near customs until it’s time to board the plane… back through the hamster maze.
Customs
We were told by a friend in the States to go left instead of right when entering the lines at customs. This worked for us, but we noticed on our way back home that the right line went much faster – so I think it’s just luck. Customs took about 20 to 30 minutes, but it wasn’t any big deal. It gave us time to pop our ears and get our legs back from the flight (we’re not good fliers).
Superclubs Lounge
It was a nice lounge – probably 5 star class in Jamaica. The employees were extremely nice and very inviting. They asked us which resort we were headed to, and gave us some complimentary water bottles. They asked us to fill out a form that asked a couple details about our stay and where we were going. I took a quick moment to use their complimentary internet service (for their website only), to send a “postcard” to our family to let them know we arrived safely.
The Bus Ride
We rode with two other couples. They were painfully ‘backwoods’ type of folks, and made Americans in general look like idiots. They were talking to our very nice driver as if he were retarded and asked him if he knew what deer were (they were discussing goats they were seeing on the side of the road). We were mortified as they kept talking to him as if he were a child. Thankfully they weren’t headed to H3 with us, but we have to say that we were shocked that they snubbed us after they learned from us which resort we were headed to. They actually refused to talk to us the entire ride over – which was fine as we were tired and not in a talkative mood. We did the customary stop for food, drinks and bathroom, but we personally didn’t get out of our seats. It was still raining and we felt soggy enough as it was.
The roads were extremely muddy and we think both drivers for the rides to and from the resort did an exemplary job maneuvering the bus through the mess. The road was finished in some areas, and not in others. There were bumps and thumps and a few scary moments when we almost hit a family of cows crossing the street. We noticed that Jamaican drivers are extremely considerate of each other. If the driver wanted to pass them, he’d honk, and pass them. If we were in America, the drivers would speed up and probably give you the finger. After about 100 honks and almost two hours later, we were at our resort.
Check In & Reservations
We checked in with Tanya who was very pleasant. We found many of the employees introduced themselves and actually asked what our names were. Check in went quick. It was a little after 3pm, and our room was ready. We were assigned room 838 on the third floor. We stopped by Reservations to reserve our seats at Pastafari and Munasan. Karen was able to do that in a flash. We asked her about the sunshine guarantee, but she said the first and last days of our stay were not included. She almost braced herself for us to chew her, but we only were surprised a bit, but what can you do? She looked grateful that we were OK with this. Oh well.
The Room
An employee helped us immediately with our bags and showed us to our room. We were concerned at first noticing that the room was right across the way from the disco and piano bar. We were in the ‘blue building’. The only time we tipped someone was the fellow that showed us to our room, and the bus drivers. The room was clean, and our bed had the cute swan made from a towel on it. The bathroom was clean, and the tub, we felt, was big enough for the two of us. We never tried the jets in the tub, but definitely opened our windows (even though it rained). There were mirrors above the bed and the bathtub. They gave the person looking up a different take on things (and it was a nice bonus), but they were a little fun-house like, and made us look short, skinny, long and fat in different areas of the mirror… it was kind of funny. Housekeeping came everyday to give us fresh towels and linens. She would change up what design/animal she would do with the towel. The front desk called about 10 minutes after our arrival to make sure we were OK and happy with the room – we were. There was a small loveseat in corner of the room with a large window that also opened. The room had a fantastic view of the nude hot tub and a small view of the ocean.
We waited about 30 minutes after spying on our nude hot tub neighbors to try and get the motivation to go back out into the rain. We decided to head down to the nude area which was a convenient walk from our room. Husband went in shorts, and I went in a sarong. Security may have been a little relaxed about walking in dressed (maybe because of the rain), but we were not stopped. We made no hesitations in getting naked and of course we noticed all eyes were on us. It was no bother, and people tried to be subtle. Everyone says nobody looks, but they do and that’s fine – it human nature to be curious. They try not to be rude about it.
The Nude Side
The first thing we did was hop into the pool. It wasn’t freezing but because of the weather, it was a bit nippy. It was definitely not a good day for men, if you know what I mean. We ate some fries at the bar and asked the lady if she knew Sabrina – lucky us, she was Sabrina. So Dawn, we told Sabrina a heartfelt hello from you and she just had the biggest grin on her face. I believe she was truly tickled. From that moment on, anytime she saw us, she made it a point to ask how we were and if we needed anything – even if she was passing us away from her ‘post’. And for the record, she makes the tastiest Dirty Banana I have ever had!!
The hot tub was PACKED! It was filled with about 60% couples and 40% single men. During our stay we only saw one small group of single women – I think they were a group of 4. We were very surprised at the high number of single men, and as a woman, I would say that only 2 of them didn’t give off a ‘weirdo’ vibe. Most of them were creepy, and others were over-daring. On my first trip to the hot tub, my husband was already in and sitting down and one guy who was there (wish I could recall his name), tried to feel my thigh up under the water. I immediately put my hand on his shoulder, and gave him a strong look of opposition, shook my head and firmly told him ‘no’. From that point on he wouldn’t get near me, which was A-OK by me. I have no problems being touched and I don’t think I’m a prude, but it’s best to ask for my permission instead of being a ballsy ass and just going for the gold. Everyone was pleasant, but I would have to say they were a bit cliquey. The younger couples our age (20 somethings) seemed a bit on the cocky side and over confident “Look at me, I’m a beautiful bitch and everyone else sucks” – it was kind of sad as I was hoping they’d be cool to talk with, but we never struck up a conversation, other than introducing ourselves. The older couples were nice, but they didn’t seem too interested in talking with us – they seemed more interested in talking with their age group. The single men ALL introduced themselves to us – go figure. We were happy to have met a couple online prior to us arriving as it made our vacation much more enjoyable. ;o)
The Quad Side
This side stayed very quiet with the exception of one day. The ECs managed to get everyone over to that side of the pool. The tension in the quad area became very thick. I think this was because this was the first official joining of the prudes and the nudes and you may as well have been trying to get two very different species to play with one another – didn’t happen very easily. Everyone seemed very much in their own corner (like an old middle school dance – boys on one side, girls on the other). The ECs did their best to get us all to become one, but without much luck. They introduced their four contestants for the Miss Hedonism 3 pageant. While they were all beautiful, most were the stereotypical young 20 something, Britany Spears/Paris Hilton types that were overconfident in themselves. It was amazing at what that attitude did to make them less attractive. Of the four, one was a realistic beauty that wasn’t a rail, and she had an amazing height to her, and the other was probably in her later 20’s and she seemed less ‘bouncy’ and drunk – more pleasant, which made her prettier than the other two Paris Hilton types. So if you’re ever in one of these pageants, word to the wise, it would probably help to be cute, but don’t forget to be humble!
Unfortunately I got suckered by one of the ECs to dance on the water fountain in the quad pool. I didn’t realize until I was up on the water fountain that they would want us to get naked and dance. This would have been OK, but I was only 1 drink into the day, and feeling really bashful because of the nude/prude tension in the air. Afterwards, I felt really sick about going through with the stripping/dancing – toooooo many people sneaking pictures with their cameras from the pool and their quad view rooms. WORD TO THE WISE – the ECs tried to encourage them to put the cameras away, but nobody listened – at least not in the quad area, so volunteer beware! After my ‘dancing session’, I immediately hopped out of the pool and went back to the nude area where I felt comfortable that cameras were away (security was there all the time watching). I was not happy with the Quad Side and if we ever went back to H3, I would refuse to go into the quad area – even if security were tighter… too many rooms to sneak pictures from.
The Prude Pool
Sadly this pool was rarely used with the exception of those playing on the waterslide. It was a beautiful pool. Unfortunately, there isn’t much more that can be said with this pool. No activities occurred here that I noticed. Then again, majority of the activities were cancelled.
The Water Slide
Ohmygod folks, this was the best fun on my vacation – believe it or not. The waterslide attendant was very encouraging at any of the open hours to go down this bad boy naked!! And let me tell you what – you have not lived until you have experienced sliding down a waterslide naked!! I absolutely had a blast and couldn’t stop giggling.
The slide has hours from 10am (I think), until 5pm and then reopens from 11pm to 2am. There is an attendant that must unlock the gate for you to get on the waterslide and while it could be open hours, that attendant may not be there – so look for him before going up the steps if you don’t see him on the top platform.
The Restaurants
We try not to be finicky eaters, but we are and so we had a difficult time finding something we enjoyed eating. They had a pretty good selection of food, but didn’t have our staples. The hot dogs were a mushy, gummy texture and tasted downright weird. I couldn’t finish that. The hamburger patties I learned must be layered with “sliced cheese and be drowned in lots of ketchup and mayo. Fries are good at the grills. The boiled dumplings were good, but went down like bricks. The desserts reminded me of what I would find at a Chinese buffet in the States. The ketchup packets were hard to find – be prepared to use the hot spiced ketchup or the tomato/apple flavored ketchup if you can’t find those packets. The salt was hard to use, but it was humid and wasn’t much of a surprise to have to fight with it to give up it’s goods. The omelets kicked ass! The crispy bacon was good. The orange juice, not so good. The cranberry juice, was very tasty. The scrambled eggs were a hit or miss. The fried breakfast potatoes were on the greasy side. The French toast was yummy but on the greasy side. Pastafari – we both ate the fettuccini alfredo with chicken in it – very good. We had some extremely drunken folks at the table next to us that were causing a real scene. One guy actually fell onto the table and almost broke glass. The staff was VERY patient and I told them so, and they looked ever so grateful that we noticed their patience. Munasan was great! They didn’t do as many tricks on the hibachi grill, but they worked hard to get the food to us. Our drunken neighbors from Pastafari the night before were there and thankfully much more sober. The only problem we had with Munasan is that they asked us to move to the waiting area when we got to our deserts. We were disappointed that we were being kicked out of our chairs while still eating so they could keep reservations moving – this would have made much more sense if we had just been chit-chatting, but we complied and moved. The Reggae Grill was good – this is where we learned the art of eating cheeseburgers (drowned in ketchup and mayo). The nude grill was actually broken one afternoon, so we never ate anything more than French fries there. They had the best dirty banana drinks at the nude grill. All the bars had bee problems, but what can you expect? They had lots of sweet liquors and such to get into. I asked the bartender, Sabrina, how many times she gets stung and she said lots of times. Poor dear!!
Activities
This was a bummer. We really didn’t get to participate in many activities because of the rain – they were all cancelled. We did have the pleasure of meeting Spike at the Terrace. His gal pal Ashley cracked us up with her antics. She loaded up his food with hot sauce while he was away, and when he came back, we tried our best to not laugh. He always had funny choice words for us, but it was all in good fun. When Ashley left the table, Spike poured half a shaker of salt into her tea. She was wise not to drink it when she got back.
Disco & Piano Bar
We went to the Disco on Monday night (Short Shorts), and hardly anyone was there. Turned out they were at the piano bar, but we didn’t go. We hoped into the hot tub at the nude side instead with one other couple. It wasn’t long before the Vinnies came out and hopped in with us, so we hopped out. We felt bad for the other couple who tried to ignore their new single guests. As we left, we noticed the vinnies were intently staring at the other couple – it was blatant and rude.
Tuesday night was PJ night and the disco was much more busy, but unfortunately the music was terrible. Most of the crowd got bored of the music and we even asked the DJ for a request… he said he’d play it, but never did. He stuck to his 70’s and early 80’s music. It was too hard to dance sexy to, so everyone started to leave. We all then stripped and went down the waterslide – weeee! Wednesday night was Pimp and Ho night. We were really dressed up for this one, but never made it to the disco. We were so tired (we had been taking naps after dinner and then waking up for the disco, but didn’t do that this night and we paid the price), and ended up going to the Piano Bar. We are 100% anti-karaoke, but for some unknown reason everyone was there and really into it. We watched our first and last public display of affection with one of the Paris Hilton girls with Ashley. It was great to watch, but poor Ashley. :o( Did I mention how patient the staff was?!?
Overall Impression & Final Words
Overall we were pleased with the resort despite our terrible luck in weather. The rooms were nice (we only saw one cockroach the entire time we were there – it was on someone else’s door and it was outside of the room), the nude side was a blast, the employees were fantastic, the theme nights were great (and we recommend that if you’re going to do it – don’t half ass it… do it right and take those slutty ideas all the way!), and the food would probably satisfy most normal people. Remember, we are beyond finicky and we survived!
In hind sight, we would have brought some astringent for my face – the humidity kept me feeling kind of greasy and I usually have dry skin. We would have taken more pictures, we would not have forgotten my husband’s swim trunks… we stayed nude most of the time, but there were times he wanted to have them. We would have brought a deck of cards for those rainy moments, we would have brought some bug spray for when we left the window open and the light on at night, and that is about it I think.
Would we go again? We did have a lot of fun, and we definitely enjoyed running around the place naked, and the all inclusive – well, you can’t beat it, but we felt like we’ve been there, done that and now it’s time to move on. I’m glad we had the experience, but I think our next trip will have to include the kid (can you say Disney cruise – puke), and then maybe we’ll do something in the States, but if we decide to go back out of country, it’ll probably be back to the Bahamas for us. I think the water is prettiest there.
Would we recommend Hedonism 3 to others? ABSOLUTELY! It was worth every penny (minus the weather)! The only caution we would put up, is that those couples that go – make sure you’re comfortable with your mate being naked in front of others. Make sure you’re comfortable being naked in front of others, and know that there is a sexually charged atmosphere (not that there are orgies around every bend or anything) and if you’re laid back and enjoy that atmosphere – you’re in for a huge treat! Last but not least, make sure you try and meet a few people online first. CE – you two were great, we’ll miss your company!
For those going to Hedonism 3, please tell Sabrina we miss her Dirty Bananas already, and that she is truly one awesome woman!
Hope you enjoyed our recap of the trip. Take care!