04/17-04/24
To put aside the details of our travels, suffice it to say
plane goes up
plane goes down
wheels of the bus
go round and round
and we arrived at Hedo!
Being a two time guest at Hedo II we were anxious to make the comparisons and choose a favorite. Easier said than done. Both resorts have plusses and minuses and depending on your priorities either could be considered superior. So I’ll avoid that subject entirely.
We were greeted by Jim and Mary who throughout the week made us feel welcome and part of their group even though we didn’t book our trip through them. A special thanks to them.
While our room was being prepared we were escorted to the Jamaican restaurant by the lovely EC Monique. It sure is fun walking behind her. After a quick late lunch and a drink we were given a room in the 500 building on the 3rd floor, nice and quiet after a long stressful day of lifting 64oz margaritas. To our neighbors in room 539(the lollipop twins), drop me an email and I’ll send you a cute pic.
We checked out the quad pool early on and decided that it resembled spring break on Quaaludes too much for our tastes. From then on it was nude pool all the way with an occasional nude invasion of the quad or water slide.
Rather than a day by day account of events I’ll try as well as my inebriated mind can remember to mention some highlights and the occasional lowlights of the week. As is always the case at Hedo the people make the vacation special. To protect the innocent, and not so innocent, I won’t mention actual names but you know who you are and you should be ashamed of yourselves. What would your mother think? In keeping with the “Creepy” theme that this group has acquired I’ll use those nicknames so you can deny it was you involved in such depraved acts.
Highlights
Oil wrestling on the beach with 4 women. Yes, Creepy Oil Wrestler got her ring, and it was worth it. Even though I was soundly beaten by 4 naked oily women, I still won. If you’re ever interested in full body exfoliation try this event. Once the sand gets mixed with the oil several layers of skin, dead or otherwise, are quickly removed. It took quite a while to get the oil and sand washed off but it’s all in fun.
Traumatizing the orientation groups as they walked through the nude side totally terrified. Thanks for the great idea Creepy Scary Slut.
Truth or dare in the hot tub. As usual Creepy Frenchy kept the action going
Soaking in some rays on the float with friends (what are you people looking at?) I have to tell a story here about Creepy Kilt Guy. He created a list of things he wanted to see and do while at Hedo. While most I couldn’t help with, I did my best whenever my sexual orientation allowed. If you had shown us the list earlier perhaps we could have crossed off a few more.
Admiring the lovely ladies pole dancing in the disco. My most memorable had to be the looks on the Vinnys’ faces when Creepy Oil Wrestler brought Creepy Scary Slut up the stairs led by her collar and leash on fetish night. Priceless!
Nude water slide invasions. We always seemed to gain a few converts each time we did this. I’m amazed that once people are dragged kicking and screaming to the slide once, they absolutely love it and become addicted. Come on people, live a little, have some adventure and enjoy yourselves.
Quad pool invasions and nude vs. prude volleyball. To those who were offended by our behavior, it was all in fun, lighten up. But we had a good time shocking the prudes and kicking their asses in volleyball. I’m looking forward to the rematch.
The shower scene at the nude pool – WOW, a live porno movie!! Can’t wait for it to come out on pay-per-view.
The Men of Hedo Contest, I decline to use the term “Ultimate”. This had to have been the most out of character event for me of the entire week. Faking an orgasm (a first for me) and a public striptease are things I’ll be in therapy discussing for years to come.
I found the food to be acceptable. The buffet was alright for all but one night even though we only ate dinner there twice. Sorry but the deserts just didn’t cut it. All other nights were at either Pastafari or Munahana. I found the Jamaican version of Japanese food to be interesting, but one thought keeps bothering me, “Is salt the only spice known to the Japanese?” Somehow I doubt it but that seems to have been lost on the chefs there. As the great Japanese dictator Dong Hung Lo was famous for saying, “Let the saki flow!!” Pastafari’s was by far our favorite and we were always pleased with the meals there. Somehow we never got to the Scotch Bonnet for dinner.
We had a great time on the canopy tour. For those not aware of this tour, imagine playing Indiana Jones or Tarzan, flying through the jungle on a 600 ft zip line. Actually it’s a series of 9 zip lines that you ride or rappel through the jungle while harnessed in a mountain climbing type harness. A great tour that we would recommend to people looking for something more adventurous than sitting on a tired smelly horse.
Playing Suck-And-Blow in the pool For those not familiar, this is a card game whereby a lovely lady sucks a card to her lips and passes it to the creepy guy next to her, who in turn sucks it to his lips and passes it on. Dropping the card requires taking a drink and a lap dance. If you want the complete version of the rules send $5 in unmarked bills to me care of my Return-To-Hedo-Fund.
As mentioned in Aron’s report the poker chips and prizes given for participating in the activities shouldn’t be the motivation. We got enough chips to get some coffee for the folks back home and lots of overproof Jamaican rum for me. I’m still looking for a way to use the rum. What’s a good mixer to use with turpentine?
Lowlights
Creepy Don’t Spank Me Guy – probably the most psychologically troubled hypocrite we’ve ever met. We spoke with the manager and showered praise on the EC for dealing with you. Nuff said
There seemed to have been a lot of injuries among the Creepy crew. We hope all have healed.
To all our Creepy friends, you made our vacation special, thank you. Please keep in touch, we’d love to coordinate a return group visit.
Creepy Leather Thong Biker Guy and Creepy Oil Wrestler
a.k.a. Mike and Robin