Kevin & Jill - April, 2004

Jill & Kevin April ‘04 (Rookie Trip)
 
If you have not read the trip report from A&?….please read it before this one…it will help this make more sense.
 
This is another trip report from the eyes of another couple from the Creepy Hedo Crew. You are reading the accounts from Creepy Stalker Guy and Creepy Nike Boobs/Human Trick. It will closely follow the report from Creep Peeper, do to the fact I cannot come up with an original thought if they pay me to. What is contained in this trip report is true, imagined or just plain lies. This is how we remember our trip…and you know how rum affects your memory! This is kind of  long and detailed….but I hope it is worth reading.
 
First things first…. We really miss you guys and want to go back soon!
 
Ok…the creepy thing. The Creepy Gay Guy started the whole thing with getting drinks for another guy…..by the way….if you are reading this Creepy Gay Guy…..Creepy Nike Boobs thinks you are reeeeaaaallly cute. Our names came from the fact of things that happened or didn’t happen on the trip….We admit to nothing!
 
Creepy Stalker….here we go….We were out at the nude pool and we were going to head to get something to eat. I get my clothes on and wait patiently for Creepy Nike Boobs to put something on….well she was talking and I am sitting there waiting…I am the only person with clothes on and actually felt uncomfortable about…..never felt that way nude…but when I was sitting there I was joking with Creepy Peeper about how I looked like a stalker sitting there dressed…thus the name was born.
 
Creepy Daddy’s Dentist Boobs/Human Trick/Nike Boobs/Wardrobe Girl….as you can see…she wore many titles during the week….I’ll get into the first name here and the rest will follow. When she decided to have her boobs done we searched for a Dr. she was comfortable with and had a good reputation….well the Dr. she chose started his career out as a Dentist and later went in to Plastic Surgery, it is a standing joke whenever anyone ask her who her doctor was….she tells them she had them done by a Dentist! The "Daddy’s" part comes from the fact that 3 days before surgery her father says, "here’s my credit card number, I’ll pay for it"….How cool is that?
 
Let’s go day by day….although there are some things that happened that we can’t remember the day they happened but standout in our mind.
 
This was our first trip to Jamaica and we had never done the nude thing before. Creepy Nike Boobs is shy and a bit reserved (this is a blatant lie as you will figure out throughout the report)
 

Wednesday the 21st
 
Flew out of Chicago and landed in Montego Bay…..so far so good…we were on the right plane and our pilot knew the way. I wish I would have had a bottle of overproof rum to give him as Thank You!. Waited only 10 minutes after getting on the bus and left for HEDO. 4 couples on the bus….two got off at Breezes and the other couple ate HEDO with us. There was a couple on the bus with us we had pegged as going to HEDO, but got off at Breezes….turns out they came over to HEDO on Thursday and Friday night.
 
We check in and get our room. I have a contact who knows the management at HEDO III and my go to person was going to see about getting our room upgraded, we had booked ROH (Run of House). I had sent her 3 choices in order of  preference. When I saw the room number I knew we had not been put in any of the buildings requested. Room 939...Great ….3rd floor and away from the Quad and Nude area….but wait….we walk in the room and it was a Suite!!!!  Things have started well already!!!
 
We unpack, get something to eat at The Scotch Bonnet and took the advise of everyone….got naked and off to the pool!
 
We are from Wisconsin…so first things first…We get drinks right away! Had to try the Dirty Banana everyone talks about….I liked them…but didn’t seem to have much alcohol. Creepy Nike Boobs goes for the Vodka slush. We are waiting for drinks and we run into Creep Peeper and Creepy Scary Slut.
 
We had chatted via email prior to the trip….to be honest…..we were going to say hello to be polite and go our own way. The whole DOM/SUB thing had us a little freaked out. Well how things change…we hit it off with them from the first minute. We had visions of degrading treatment and just Creepy Peeper being a downright DICK! Well…we didn’t really see any of this….so for those of you shaking your head our wondering how they could have a relationship like this…..stop asking….it works for them and did not make us uncomfortable one bit…..by Wednesday night we didn’t ask any more questions and just partied and had a great time with them.
 
We integrated into the "Creepy Hedo Crew" and sat around the pool drinking, talking stupid and just having a good time. Went to nap before the 60’s/70’s night events. Creepy Nike Boobs had an awesome costume for this theme….the internet is a wonderful thing for finding this stuff…LOL…..We eat Dinner, then the sexiest Ho contest and more drinking…during this time Creepy Peeper tells me about the bet on who will be the drunkest during the day at any given time. We are both very hurt that we were not chosen….Creepy Peeper told me later he wished we have been there sooner….he knew I would have been the horse to bet on….all the person would have had to do was tell me they picked me and I would have made them proud just so they could win.
 
After the events on stage we headed to the Piano Bar….We listened to some Karaoke…Creepy Peeper gets up to sing a Robert Palmer song and has a entourage of dancers up there with him. Well not long into the song Creepy Nike Boobs flashes the audience….I just said to Creepy Gay Guy…."yep…..that’s my wife" in a proud manner. I go to get a drink and look at the Palmer girls still dancing and I see my wife’s boobs are out again…this time Creepy Dolphin Tattoo is alternating from side to side making sure they are getting the attention they needed. I then said to Creepy Gay Guy…."hey…that’s OUR wives and that’s cool!" After the Piano Bar it is off to the disco. We are there for a short amount of time….and low and behold…there is a pole on the bar and not to miss her moment in the sun….before I know it Creepy Nike Boobs and Creepy Scary Slut are up dancing on the bar. Throughout the night many people were up giving the pole the attention it was made for….most if not all the people dancing on the bar were from The Creepy Hedo Crew.
 
Disco’s getting hot….it’s time for nude water sliding…..6-10 of us start out with this…recruiting people every time we come back up for another run….by the time we are done we have between 20-30 people….every time back up more people were coming out of the Disco to in. Off to the Nude Jacuzzi….we are in there for a bit and it starts raining hard…..Creepy Nike Boobs (the explanation for this name is yet to come) contacts start to bother her from the rain….the power is going on and off and we decide to call it a night.
 
Another aspect of the first day that I neglected to mention….we had been in contact with Creepy Creaky Knee and Creepy Perfect Real Breasts prior to the trip…..they were to get into the airport about ½ an  hour after us…we had hoped to be on the same bus…they were a no show. We went up front a couple times after unpacking and after lunch….still not any sign of Creepy Creaky Knee and Creepy Perfect Real Breasts…we figured we scared them off before we even met them. All afternoon at the nude pool…didn’t see them….we had been talking for a month and a half and now we couldn’t find them…..Later that night we are getting drinks at the bar (notice a trend here) we run into them and the world is back into balance.  When they post their report you will most likely get the details of the delay
 
Thursday the 22nd
 
Thursday morning is the morning to sleep in…after all we are on vacation…right? Well 8 bells…the ocean is crashing outside our room….the sun is shining and we have a beautiful view of the ocean with a palm tree to the left to add to the view. Creepy Stalker can’t sleep….Creepy Nike Boobs says…..what the hell are you doing up?"
 
We lay around in bed for a bit…and head to breakfast. After breakfast it is off to the nude pool again…..most of the days went the same way…so now we will just highlight some of the points of our days. We are from Wisconsin…so drinking is not taken lightly by us…LOL.  We drink most of the afternoon at the pool…go take a nap and get ready for Toga night. Creepy Stalker handmade Creepy Nike Bobs Toga….so we were wondering how it would go over. There is the Toga party…then the best, worst, blah, blah, blah toga contests. I noticed with many of the contests many the prude side people outnumber the nude side people…it is vote by applause….so all the nude siders become so much closer cheering for any of us to win. They have sexiest toga….I think a prude side person won this…although I could be wrong. They have the sexiest couple…well I look at Creepy Gay Guy and he looks at me…we have the hook to win this. Creepy Nike Boobs and Creepy Dolphin Tattoo go up as a couple. We are sure the Girl/Girl thing is a winner. They go through the contestants and then they get to come forward on stage one couple at a time. When Creepy Nike Boobs and Creepy Dolphin Tattoo work the crowd they are scoring points…then Creepy Dolphin Tattoo pulls up Creepy Nike Boobs bottoms and drops to her knees…..The EC staff goes into a panic…and says "NO, NO, NO…up top only, up top only"……So we have a repeat of the Piano Bar from the night before…..Creepy Nike Boobs breasts are once again getting the tender loving care they need by Creepy Dolphin Tattoo. Well needless to say…they win….and as Creepy Peeper said….the tokens they received are pitiful….everyone got 2 tokens eachfor participating….they received 4 each for winning…..but hey they won so it was fun! We had received 5 tokens each JUST for playing nude bocce ball early in the day…what kind of equity is that. As a side note to this….Creep Leather Thong Biker Guy and Creepy Oil Wrestler had to have the best couple toga. We owe you 2 tokens each the next time we see you. The GIRL/GIRL stunt was a downright shameless effort to steal the contest.
 
Toga party over….more Piano Bar, Disco, Nude water sliding….bigger group this time. Then off to the Nude Jacuzzi…it is way to hot…we sit on the edge of the pool. As you have gathered by now….Creepy Nike Boobs and Creepy Dolphin Tattoo have taken a shining to each other. We are sitting by the pool talking stupid and making no sense about anything and notice Creepy Gay Guy has been gone for awhile. We start to get concerned when he is not back yet. The someone comes up and asks Creepy Dolphin Tattoo that her husband is over sitting in a chair and needs her to come over. Turn our he had gone to the other end of the pool and was getting in….he slipped and dislocated his shoulder. This bummed us both out and we headed to our room while he was waiting for the doctor to come to the resort. This was the end of the second night.
 
Friday the 23rd
 
Friday morning shows up and we are both feeling a wee bit hung over…..off to breakfast and then the nude pool again….needed a rum punch immediately to get rid of the hangover. I noticed something the first two days and wanted to change the trend today! I would start drinking rum punch and it tasted kind of strong in the beginning of the day and would get weaker by nightfall. It tasted like punch….no rum. Today would be different….by early afternoon the rum taste was gone and tasted like straight punch. Mission accomplished…Creepy Stalker Guy is drunk by 1 p.m.
 
This was wet t-shirt contest day. Creepy Nike Boobs enters the contest. We are heading to the prude side for the contest by ourselves when Creepy Bench Press lady says "come on you guys let’s go, we can’t let them go alone and let the prudes win this thing" So behind us we see 20-30 people from the nude side going to the stage area…..shortly after their arrival the EC staff notifies them they must at least put bottoms on. The contest starts and they each get to go out and work the crowd. The first few contestants are from the prude side…the first one goes so fast they have her go back and do it again. It comes up to Creepy Nike Boobs turn….she does what she can do best….she works the crowd well. This is where she picks up her Creepy Human Trick name. She can flex her boobs like a guy flexes his chest….but through hard work and relentless training she has learned to do them one at a time right or left…your choice on command. She took her time in front of the single males in the front row and put on a damn good show. When she made it around to our group…again I had the hook set up again…..Creepy Bench Press Lady and Creepy Oil Wrestler each take a boob in their mouth when she gets to them and the crowd loved it. At this point I hear a lady two tables over say "I don’t mind the nudity, but this is just raunchy" I turned to her and said "I’m sure you were not saying that about my wife" . She turned 10 shades of red and never said anything after that. Creepy Real Perfect Breasts is up next…she wows the crowd as well…..Creepy Nike Boobs and Creepy Real Perfect Breasts are next to each other on stage kissing, fondling and just touching each other and the crowd must have noticed. 1st Place Creepy Nike Boobs…2nd Place Creepy Real Perfect Breasts. Mission accomplished …nude side takes the wet T contest. Actually the prize was nice…..A liter of rum cream…which Creepy Nike Boobs loves!
 
Later in the day the had a nude waterslide run scheduled….we were all there now so why wait. Off come all the clothes and we are doing the waterslide. You should have seen the prudes lining up and watching…some with smiles on their faces and some with a look of shock. It was priceless. Back to the nude pool.
 
This is where the Creepy Peeper got his name. We (Creepy Stalker and Creepy Nike Boobs) head into the grotto for a little alone time…we are in there enjoying ourselves….and who comes strolling through….Creepy Peeper…..he says he was just on his way to get drinks…notice he is getting the drinks and not Creepy Scary Slut….hmmm…what kind of master is he? Okay…back to the grotto. We are continuing on with our moment in the grotto…this is mid-afternoon now. Creepy Peeper shows up going through the grotto. AGAIN! He can tell by our movements exactly what is going on…so what does he do….he is standing there under the waterfall carrying on a conversation with us like nothing is going on. We (Creepy Stalker and Creepy Nike Boobs) both busted out laughing and at the exact moment he received the name "Creepy Peeper" from us.
 
Did the nude pool waterslide takeover later in the day….then went to nap. We had dinner reservations for the Japanese place that night with Creepy Gay Bum Shoulder Guy( notice the name change after "the incident") and Creepy Dolphin Tattoo. We show up at the place and they have no reservation for us…..Creepy Gay Bum Shoulder Guy complains to the front desk…but it was no use. Suggestion here…when making reservations…DO NOT CALL…walk to the front and make sure you see them write your name in the book…we heard of other people that had the same problem.
 
We eat at the buffet that night. Tonight is Oil Wrestling…what a surprise Creepy Nike Boobs signed up for this too! The first match was with Creepy Oil Wrestler….they put on a very good show….they didn’t take it too serious…they made it good entertainment for everyone. In the third round, and I have no idea how this happened (well maybe I have an idea where it came from, Thanks Creepy Perfect Real Breasts) , a double ended dong appeared in the ring. We actually had cleared this with the EC staff….but were informed if it were used as it was designed to be used we would be thrown out immediately. Creepy Oil Wrestler won the match…THANK GOD! Creepy Frenchy was in the other match and took this way too serious. Creepy Nike Boobs Did not want any part of being in the ring with her. Congratulations to Creepy Oil Wrestler who won the main event. Creepy Nike Boobs said she would not do this event again due to all the sand that was on the mats….it hurt like hell the way it scrape and scuffed her up.
Alright…The Creepy Nike Boobs name…this came from Creepy Peeper…how this name came about was rather funny. She is a blonde…so of course we had to have some kind of blonde joke. Well Creepy Peeper decided every so often we need to pump her brain up and this was done by squeezing her boobs. We were using the same theory as the Nike Air Pump shoes. This was suppose to happen whenever she said something stupid….well she wasn’t saying anything stupid…so we decided every so often we would just pump her up! Sometimes she didn’t have to even be talking and we would use this new feature….I did not know this worked…Thanks so much Creepy Peeper for adding another feature to my life!
 
Ok….Wrestling is over….Hedo Hunk is over….Creepy Peeper covered the Creepy No-Spank Guy…so I will leave that alone.
 
Everyone is headed to the Piano bar….we decide to call it a night…WHAT YOU SAY? Us heading to bed…yes sad but true…we were both exhausted. We got to out room and we so tired we couldn’t sleep….but we both looked at each other and realized we were to tired to drag ourselves out of bed either.
 
Saturday the 24th
 
Saturday arrives…This is our last full day…so we are not going to sit back today. Same routine…breakfast, nude pool, drinking….today we head into the grotto again. We come right back out. No Creepy Peeper wasn’t hiding in there waiting for us to arrive. All the pool scum had accumulated in their and we took a pass on the grotto. We are not into blatantly open PDA’s…so we head to the pier at the nude beach…LOL
 
Creepy Peeper and Creepy Scary Slut beat us there….they are out on the end of the pier so we stay closer to the beach on the pier. We are getting intimate and things are getting pretty hot….all of sudden we hear CREEPY PSST YOU WANT SOME GANGA GUY….Nothing like ruining a moment like a guy going psst over the fence while your naked wife is on top of you. We went to take a nap later that afternoon.
 
Tonight was Grand Gala….Creepy Nike Boobs was looking at all the clothes she had not worn yet…so tonight she became Creepy Wardrobe Lady. We went to dinner and she had on this hot little black outfit, then everyone was heading to the stage, we went to the room…she changed into a glittery purple dress, then to the piano bar….first…wardrobe change again…..then the disco…but wait…back to the room for another wardrobe change.
 
We spent some time in the disco…then nude water sliding again….by now Creepy Wardrobe Lady was feeling no pain…we had many new recruits for the waterslide and she took it upon herself to start giving lessons on the best way to go down….she was so cute doing this….but was truly worthy of a Nike Pump Up. We did this for awhile and decided it was Jacuzzi time….this is when things went awry….I took shoes down to the bottom to everyone. She went in the disco  to let Creepy Bench Press Lady and Creepy Kilt Lad that we were heading to the Jacuzzi. I had not made it back up there yet when she came back out. She started to come down the steps and was about 6 steps from the bottom when she slipped and slid down the steps on her butt and back. She tried to catch herself with her hand and BINGO…the HEDO CURSE strikes again….we feared she broke her hand…..she chose not to go to the nurse or see a doctor….the pain she was in was incredible. We went to our room immediately and I packed her hand in ice and tried to make her the most comfortable I could. This was the worst thing I could have imagined….she was in so much pain and it was killing me that I could do nothing to help.
So much for our last night at the nude Jacuzzi.
 
We did not sleep well at all that night…..between the pain she was in and me trying to do anything I could to help…it was a long night.
 
Sunday shows up and we are going home today…..this was a big part of the reason that she chose to wait to see a doctor. We had a late flight and did not have to leave the resort until 4 p.m.
 
We packed, got our boarding passes for Air Jamaica and checked our checked luggage. We had the rest of the day to enjoy. Creepy Creaky Knee and Creepy Perfect Real Breasts were kind enough to offer us the use of their room during the day. We had a shower, a place to keep our carry on luggage and a place to change. They even gave us a room key….which was useless because we couldn’t find anything we wanted to steal in their room…LOL…Creepy Creaky Knee and Creepy Perfect Real Breasts, we want to give you a special thank you for your hospitality and kindness…..XOXOXOX
 
Well…we went to the nude pool…..Creepy Nike Breasts drank HEAVILY to kill the pain in her hand…it helped…..We hung out at the pool all day….the time came to say good bye to all our new friends. We had our round of naked hugs…went to Creepy Creaky Knee and Creepy Perfect Real Breasts room and changed and then went back to give out more hugs and good byes. I once again was Creepy Stalker Guy…clothed and by the nude pool.
 
We waited in lobby for our bus….Creepy Nike Breasts kept drinking in the lobby until we left….she needed the pain killers you know!
 
The flight home was uneventful….although the cabin pressurization made her hand hurt so bad she was in tears.
 
SOME SUGGESTIONS THAT ARE WORTH WHAT YOU PAID FOR THEM.
 

As far as the tokens go…do not get in the activities just to earn tokens….do it because you want to have fun. The over proof rum is not my idea of a great prize.
 
Make contact with people from the board here before you go….it will make it seem like you already know them when you get there.
 
If you have not done the nude side and are thinking or planning on doing it….jump in right away….frankly the prude side seemed awful boring.
 
If you are not thinking of doing the nude side…get naked before you eat…then you will not have that full belly when people first see you! We have never had as much fun as we had on the nude side…..don’t worry about it and get nude!
 
BEWARE OF THE HEDO CURSE!!!!
 
It can follow you home….Wednesday we were sitting on the porch still talking about what a GREAT  time we had. Creepy Nike Boobs says to me "if you quit smoking and get a part time job we can afford to go back that much sooner"…….a couple hours later I smacked my foot as I was walking by the coffee table in the living room and broke a toe….so the mere mention of HEDO III can make the HEDO CURSE appear at any time.
 
We want to thanks all of you who made our trip so memorable. Rather than mention everyone…we will just say this….if we talked to you more than once that means you were an important part of our trip and added to the memories. To the whole Creepy Crew….we miss you all and need to do this again!
 
Creepy Stalker & Creepy Daddy’s Dentist Boobs/Human Trick/Nike Boobs/Pole Dancer/Piano Bar Flasher/Wardrobe Lady/Waterslide Trainer/Injured Hand Lady
(WIPLAYFULPAIR)
 

Creepy Hedo Crew- "Will often be imitated but never duplicated

Kevin & Jill