We are Hedo virgins no longer! Prepared by reading every trip report on Denny P’s site, Chris’s book “The Naked Guide to Hedonism” and even taking notes on what to pack, note less is better! The anticipation was almost as fun as the trip!
Friday AM was a busy day-waking up at 3 to leave by 4 to be at the airport by 5 to leave at 6 from Tampa to transfer in Atlanta to arrive in Jamaica 11:30 their time-there is a time difference! We were dodging Hurricane Frances to leave, and had just been through Hurricane Charley. Tampa airport closed not long after we left. One of the benefits we used from this site was the visitor schedule. A couple we had emailed in advance were even on the same flight with us. We had described each other and were able to run into them. Other people we had emailed we ran into after we got there. Jamaica Jim had even given us the courtesy of a phone call prior, and answered a lot of questions I was uncomfortable asking friends. They mostly didn’t know we were going to Hedo- just to Jamaica! My main answer was yes, most girls are partially or totally shaved! The bus ride was a little crazy, take a look at how the residents live as you ride-their lives are so much different than ours- stopped for drinks at the bar, and Jim had his ganja before we even arrived at the resort.
Within 30 seconds after arriving, we had rum punch drinks in our hands. We were told our room wasn’t ready yet-so within 5 minutes after a quick change (pack swimsuits, etc in carry on bag in case this happens-Hedo will watch your luggage) Jim was playing pool on the pool table in the pool while I was watching the wet T-shirt contest in the main dining room with a Dirty Banana.
Our room wasn’t ready until 4, so we settled in a little and acted on trip report advice- if you haven’t been naked before go as soon as you get there or you will regret what you missed! We really didn’t know the protocol – do you undress before or after you get there? What do you do with your clothes? We decided to walk over in our suits and undress behind the bushes just at the entrance to the pool, leaving the suits draped on the fence. Jim said “now or never” so we jumped in and never looked back. The swim-up bar is by definition in the water so unless you get out and prance around it was a comfortable 1st timer place to hang-only your top side in the water is really seen anyway-and the liquid courage helped! It was a good place to start if you have never been before. We met Jamaica Jim and his wife Nina, and found out they were going to be celebrating their anniversary the same day on this trip as we were. We also met a lot of other friendly people-seems the nude side is the place to talk to everybody!
Dinner was in the main dining room – there was a good choice between American and Jamaican with plenty of everything. The Entertainment Coordinators (EC’s) were on the top of things with
the oil wrestling and “hunk of hedo” contest. The theme night in the disco was fetish- so we dressed in black lingerie for me with black thigh-high stockings, a monkey cock sock for Jim that screamed monkey sounds when you pushed it -and we were underdressed!
Unfortunately, we made the mistake of trying too hard to drink the bar dry and doing too much on the 1st day beginning at 3AM our time. We didn’t get to bed until 4, so slept until 4:30 pm Saturday. I would advise you to pace yourself-an afternoon nap helps! It’s overwhelming the first day!
Tried Scotch Bonnet for the 1st time for lunch-great view, the jerk everything is excellent whether chicken, sausage, pork etc. Patties were tasty but bready- they will even give you food to go if you want. More sleep due to our overindulging yesterday, Dinner at the gala buffet by the main pool-and back to bed (enjoying ourselves there too!)
A note: Sunday going to be was our 19th anniversary and I had read that Pastafari’s made reservations 24 hours in advance. Silly me- I thought that if they didn’t open until 7PM on Sunday reservations would begin at 7PM on Saturday. No- they begin reservations at 12:01 the night before. So we lucked out there for that night. Make sure to get reservations before you go to bed on the night before!
Sunday we did the off resort excursion of horseback riding – feeling better by then- including swimming in the ocean-and it was awesome! We were bareback holding on to the manes while the horses were neck deep and going pretty fast. The guides will even take pictures that you have an option to buy after the trip. They burn a CD right there for you to take home. Remember to tip the off resort guys. Note: my digital camera disappeared during this trip. Security on the resort is great, but watch if you go into the rest of the country.
Back to the nude pool! :) Just getting comfortable our second time and the EC walks in and declares a nude waterslide run! Just after the nude volleyball game in the water! If you had bet me 3 days ago that I would be marching with about 40 people, chanting “We are naked, we are proud”, over to the prude side and simulating different sexual positions, with shots provided, I would not have taken your bet. The slide is awesome! Quick and sobering! A much better way to get to the bottom from the disco than the steps, which are steep and slippery. A quick dinner and back to bed (and/or sleep) - the sexual innuendos are high here and we enjoyed ourselves.
Monday Jim brought breakfast in bed back from the main dining room; breakfast is the best meal of the day there. The omelet made-to-order station is fantastic! We relaxed on the prude beach and watched the boats go out-topless- and finished a great book. If you are a reader, bring books with you. The price in the gift shop was $13, even though the price on the book was $7.99. Not a great selection either. The EC’s came over to the main bar and we had a shot tasting episode-6 or 7 or 8? All different types of liquor can really kick your ass. Trust me on this-mixing can be dangerous! The Blues jam people had arrived for their week stay and were the lunch entertainment – they played very well but were too loud. You couldn’t talk to your friends over the music.
The afternoon nap/enjoyment of each other gave us enough momentum to get back up and go to the disco, where again it was loud. We chose to sit outside the disco in the clear bottom hot tub with other new friends and watch the expressions of the people who had just viewed from underneath and the stairs coming up! This is one of the most underused places in the resort that we saw-very clear and sexy and could be private depending on the time of day. It was active during disco hours but not before.
Woke up Tuesday to cherry-chocolate chip pancakes from the buffet before going on our off resort canopy tour. If you want to try something exhilarating, go for this! We were driven way up and saw beautiful scenery from the top of the mountains. Jamaica has gorgeous views. One of the other couples with us had won their trip in a stripping contest! Also saw one of the all-age schools- all grades 1-9 in the same building. They could use school supplies badly. These schools were also used as hurricane shelters later. We were strapped into harnesses and climbed onto wooden platforms in the trees. Then we swung from platform to platform 8 or 9 times, gradually downwards-once straight down! - ending with rum punch by a creek, and a guided walk through the woods back to the bus, pointing out the different types of trees and flowers. My favorite was the trees that walk with their roots-the roots move from side to side and scoot the whole tree over. Remember insect repellant if you go on this tour-didn’t find we needed it on the resort though.
Hung around the main bar for awhile and finally got our late anniversary dinner at Pastafari’s. It was worth waiting for. Service and food was classy. Jim recommends the lamb. We never got to the Japanese place just because we are not big fans of Japanese food. We went back to the room to dress for the PJ party at the disco, enjoying each other again, and what sights were there! “Hot stuff “ boxers for Jim were appropriate, but my white lingerie was tame. There is a lot of black light, so white shines out, the cage was always in use for dancers who wanted to be profiled, as well as the stripper’s pole on top of the bar. After all this sexual energy we decided to brave the nude hot tub around 2 even though it had started to thunderstorm. Still had no clue a hurricane was coming and didn’t think twice when the electricity was flickering. Yes the PDA’s (Public Displays of Affection) were all sizzling but everyone was very respectful and a polite no thanks goes a long way. You could participate or not, there were several different types of activity. One amorous couple was having fun being exhibitionists in the window of their room, silhouetted. Other activity was closer. Women with women and oral sex seemed to be the most prevalent. If you don’t want to participate, you aren’t pressured to. Comment: no condoms available! Someone could make a mint with advertising and placing condoms for sale other than the gift shop hours here! Under the waterfall seems to be a popular place also. The staff was so good that when I fell asleep at the nude pool, and the water was breaking still pretty forceful over the rocks, they covered me up and left me alone. And changed my towel for a dry one when it got wet!
Weather had improved in the morning enough to go snorkeling. This activity is free at Hedo, and even though we had never been before the experienced employees helped us along and we are going to go again somewhere! Hedo is a great place to try new things. It was also fun to look down in the glass bottom boat. Read another book topless on the prude beach, and lunch at the Scotch Bonnet with the jerk everything was filling. Nap time! It does really pay to pace yourself here. Saw an interesting game called beer pong-you set up the plastic cups filled with beer in the shape of a pool table triangle. When your ping pong ball goes into the opponent’s cup you have to drink it. Winners remain standing. The main bar was where we first heard from other guests that Hurricane Ivan was headed straight towards us on the north side of the island. When we tried to get an earlier flight out, we were told the reservations office for Air Jamaica was closed. We could try again after 9 the next morning. The front desk asked when we were supposed to leave. I said Friday. They said- no problem, mon- come back on Friday and we will deal with it then. We had dinner and watched the oldies song contest where you had to guess the song- but if you were wrong you had to show some body parts. The Pimp+Ho at the disco wasn’t as many dressed up people for the theme as the other nights, but the triplets made up for it!
We set the alarm early to try to get a flight out, and were told everything was full already. If we had called yesterday early morning, we could have gotten a flight out, but we didn’t know at the time. The atmosphere was nervous. Not many people were left. Lunch at Scotch Bonnet again-can you detect a pattern here? We were moved from our beachfront suite like everyone else overlooking the water to the quad section. These are 4 buildings in a square but there are no windows facing outward-only in towards the pool, hot tub and bar in the center. There are other buildings in between you and the water, and it kept all the guests together. A structural engineer mentioned that they had been made for this reason. Jim builds houses and went around making sure the walls were all concrete and sturdy. We stayed on the 2nd floor thinking that flooding might be on the 1st and roof damage on the 3rd. The staff was at a minimum with a lot of employees preparing for Ivan with their families. There weren’t many guests left. The staff that stayed never lost their professionalism. Have much respect for them!
There were no toga sheets distributed for the contest this evening, and no toga tying class, most everything had been cancelled. We ate at Pastafari’s again with another couple that we been socializing with- some people you just click with and Hedo can be the place to meet! No problem mon getting in- they were empty! The grilled lobster was fantastic! They did have the toga contest that evening but the only people who could participate were people who had brought their own. The advance group from the Jamaican Waterslide Team (JWST) had come in and really helped liven up the resort- including the blow up doll at dinner. The people who had come to play for the blues jam week decided to improvise and there was an impromptu sing along jam in the piano bar, complete with dancing on the bar. This was one of the highlights of our trip-Hedo even sent up a bartender that wasn’t scheduled since it was clear that the majority of the guests were there! Our group ended up at the quad hot tub even though the pools were closed with the chairs thrown in the water. Couldn’t relax so watched the sun come up.
Waking up on Friday late-go figure- the only place open was the main dining room. We had a notice under our door that Pastafari’s was being set up as the emergency sleeping and we could see employees bringing mattresses in. The phones went out around 11, water was temporarily out around 2, and TV had gone out except for the Playboy channel. Some staff staying overnight were borrowing clothes to wear since they hadn’t had a chance to prepare. Updates were given from the stage to us every 2 or 3 hours from the manager Kevin and that is how we heard that Ivan had turned, and was going to skirt the south side instead of the north. Cheers!!!!!!!!! The rest of the island had no power but we were on generator enough for 7 days. We would be allowed the option of going back to our rooms. One of the scariest times was when the radio antenna above the lobby was hitting the electrical wires, and the sparks were coming down in the entranceway to the lobby into the water on the ground. I still can’t believe Hedo sent 2 guys in the middle of the hurricane onto the roof to disable the wiring. Talk about above and beyond the call of duty! There had only been beer available during the day, and that was cut off early too-you don’t need really bad drunks during a crisis- but we had some champagne graciously given to us by Jim and Nina-our anniversary buddies- who had been able to get a flight out earlier than planned due to Ivan. The VCR tapes we had thought to bring due to Denny P’s website added to the party that ended up in our room in the quad. There is comfort in numbers. Fleetwood Mac saved the night, and the candles we brought for romantic reasons were distributed to our friends in case the generator went out.
Winds and rain were bad, some sections of roof on another building you could hear blowing up and down, the aggravating palm tree outside our door kept slapping. Employees were continually outside in yellow slickers making sure we were safe. Bless them. Still we slept a few hours.
Still pouring Saturday morning but the worst is over. The aggravating palm tree outside our door had finally gone down, as well as many others. Minor window damage, all to the beachfront rooms. Some roofing off- all they use is aluminum! One couple had their roof damaged- ceiling came down in part and they were moved to another room. It had been leaking awhile prior. Breakfast was sandwiches in baggies and we were grateful. Even some of the EC’s who had stayed were doubling as our waiters and waitresses. Management was pitching in also. They are awesome! Our cell phone was the only one working. Land lines were still out. We had had the foresight to call before we left and added international service to our plan. Please add this to your list of things to do before you go out of country. Also notify your credit card company you are going out of country- one couple had their charges denied on suspicion of fraud, since it had been more expensive than normal usage due to being unable to leave. You never know when you may need it. Most people were really respectful with the phone and called maybe 1 family member to let them know they were safe and had them notify their other loved ones and friends. There was a great sense of relief. Piano bar jams again! These musicians, who came for the formally scheduled Blues Jam, and didn’t have a schedule to follow since Ivan, made our time there fantastic! There were no other activities anyways. Most did not know each other, some tried new instruments, and it was a free for all for them with no holds barred. It was a blessing to have them- I think they were working out their relief as well as we were!
Monday we still could not communicate to get a flight out from Hedo; even our cell phone didn’t recognize the States 800 # for the airlines. So we got a hold of my mother in FL who was able to book a flight for us on Wednesday. The airport wasn’t even running again yet when she booked! Thank you mom! The generator was holding up. The power had been cut off to all unoccupied buildings There was no AC during the day to conserve power.
We had the following conversation at the front desk. “Will we even be able to get through the roads to the airport for our flight?” “No problem mon!” “I heard from another guest that 2 of the bridges between here and the airport were damaged or underwater.” “Yes, that is true mon.” “So might we have a problem getting to the airport?” “Well, maybe mon, maybe.” Frustration!!!!! Just give me facts. One local guest went to the front desk and asked in English – how bad is it? Fine mon. Asked again in Jamaican dialect and told – pretty bad mon.
Montego Bay and Negril were hit worse than we had been. There were also no cruise ships coming and the airport had been closed several days. We had quite a few guests transferring from other Superclubs here. This really raised the energy level and we started getting back to normal. The pools were being cleaned, reopening and some activities were resuming. Body shots with rum cream at the nude pool were fun, but the best was truth or dare. The dares ranged from having to demonstrate 10 different sexual positions with 3 women of your choice, to having to go around the edge of the pool and lick the parts of the opposite sex.
We were getting dressed for dinner on Tuesday night when Jim started having seizures with chest pains. He has been having seizures due to a car accident for a few years, and takes his medicine, but the chest pains, duration and severity were new. I called the nurse who called the doctor at St. Ann’s hospital who said bring him in for an EKG. Hedonism called for an ambulance. Jim wanted to talk with Bill- not only one of the JWST founders but also an ex military man. Sorry-never ex, just former! He and his wife Nancy, Lori and Jerry, and several other members of the JWST rushed up to help. I don’t remember all names but several there had medical training and it was surprising to see how quickly everyone mobilized to pitch in. These are real people- the kind you can rely on in an emergency. The ambulance stabilized him, and strapped in for the trip down the flights of stairs. His seizures and pains had been lasting over an hour now. The hospital- with bars on the windows, no blankets or pillows, gurneys lined up on the side, asked me to register. Registration was a blank piece of paper to write down name, date of birth and address on island. Plus $60. With that, the doctor was allowed to see him, and I had to go pay in advance for his EKG. You’ll never guess how much-$9.10. The ambulance then told me that the ride was $400. No credit cards taken, to be paid before we left Jamaica. Bring travelers checks or emergency cash just in case this happens to you. Jim’s EKG turned out fine and they wanted to keep him for observation. We needed to call Hedo for a ride back around 3AM. There are no pay phones-they only have an operator in a booth. You give her the number and she calls for you. When she said $10 please, I freaked out. Then she said that is Jamaican money-American would be 6 cents please. David from Hedo came to get us and was super for being in brought out in the middle of the night. For the first time we were able to see some of the devastation on the rest of the island. Still no power anywhere else-billboards, houses, trees were down.
Wednesday morning and time to leave! All we wanted to do was touch American soil. You don’t realize what you have until you don’t have it. The ambulance people were there to collect their money, Karen at the front desk did checkout as the bus was waiting on us-the bus got us there with detours and going through some pretty high water still-and we got on the plane! Still we were dodging Ivan; he was now headed towards the FL panhandle since leaving Jamaica. The pilot announced we would have a slight delay. Since there was still no radar working at the airport, flights were being spaced further apart. No problem mon- we were leaving. Just no radar.
The flight was rough because of the weather but when we landed Jim got off the plane, got down on his hands and knees and physically kissed the ground in Atlanta. Fellow passengers laughed. Our connecting flight to Tampa went as planned, even though the Atlanta airport closed just after we left again due to Ivan. Then we came home to board up the house for Hurricane Jeanne. What a trip. We are tired of hurricanes. Jamaica- it was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
Things we brought not to be without- 32 oz. mugs from Wal-mart so you don’t have to go to the bar as often, carry on bags with swimsuits etc. for arrival if your room isn’t ready, Ziploc baggies to carry your cigarettes and lighters in-there is as much damage from spilled drinks as the pool water, curly bracelet from Home Depot for room and safe keys, a lot of singles and 5s for tips off resort. They even post at the airport your expected tip is $1 per bag.
We have received our vouchers from Hedonism for their hurricane guarantee, and have 4 free nights, to be used next Sept. Sophia was great about responding to my emails, and making sure this happened. Will we go back again, during hurricane season again? Yes. First, the odds against this happening again are slim. Second, before Ivan, it was awesome. We are not lifestylers, but had made a pact between us that one would not do anything the other did not want to. 2 yes=yes, 1 yes+1 no=no. No thank you also means no to others, also. This still left a lot of open room and worked for us. Our sex lives increased greatly. We actually came back stronger for going through both good and scary, with a lot of good times. Third, during and after Ivan, the employees showed their real personalities-not just No Problem, Mon! They are great people. There was a frustration with the lack of communication about the hurricane, but the quad buildings are safe and everything from sending people up on the roof to disconnect sparking electricity to EC’s working in the restaurant to pitch in to standing out in the rain in the quad the whole night in case we had a problem to David picking us up at 3AM was commendable. There were several things we had planned that we did not get to do because of Ivan but weather was not their fault and we will be able to do them next year.
I have abided by the main rule- what goes on at Hedo, remains at Hedo. I have purposely avoided naming names or specific instances but you know who you are. And maybe we will see you again next Sept.! You can email me at pyrolinda@aol.com Just don’t say No Problem, Mon!!