July 6, 2001
This trip report was written especially for all those couples who are wondering if Hedo is too wild for them. I know that after reading most of the posts, our perception was that we couldn't relate to these people. Many had visited Hedo several times, were very comfortable with what happens and couldn’t relate to why we might be a little weary of spending $3,000 to go somewhere we might hate.
We are just your average suburban, two child family who's previous vacation was a 7 day Disney Cruise (we and the kids loved the cruise). However, we (mostly he) wanted a little more of an adult vacation where there was still something to do after 10 PM.
Well it's the first day back after five beautiful days on the Island of Jamaica and we find ourselves wishing for just one more day! Hedo III is everything you've read and so much more. Now, we can't wait to become one of the many multiple-time Hedo guests. However, it didn't begin that way...
For many years I, like any other red-blooded American male, had heard of the Hedo reputation and wanted to experience it first hand. But like many, I woke-up one day to find a married 38 year old with two young children staring back at him in the mirror. One who had never experienced the wild, sex crazed, frat party atmosphere I had heard so much about. So I made the decision to go. It was firm and absolute - we would experience Hedo!
That afternoon I began looking at web sites, collecting information and pricing my Hedo dream. When my wife walked in I declared, "We are going to Hedonism next week!" But I don't think she really heard me because her reply was, "Great, I'd love to go on vacation to Jamaica." At this point my quest suddenly became ours and she gathered brochure from FDR, Sandals, the Grand Lido's, etc. Somehow I had lost control. So, like any strong, firm and decisive male I made the proclamation, "I am the master of this families fate, the king of this humble castle and I shall rule with an iron fist. We will be going to... the resort who's name I pull out of this hat." With great fan fare and absolutely no cheating on my part 6 names were scribbled on shreds of paper and carefully placed by my wife into a hat. After a few shakes I reach in and pulled out, by devine intervention, Hedo III!
Crushed and broken hearted my wife reluctantly went along with the outcome. See, she had also known of Hedo's reputation and being a conservative, mother of two, southern belle (OK, she's originally from New Jersey) who prefers to have sex in complete darkness she wanted no part of any of those things she'd heard about. It took me about 2 hours to convince her that the reality is never like the fantasy and that what she had heard was some adolescent males fantasy of this place. She believed me until she called to book the trip.
She spoke to a wonderful and helpful Superclubs representative who walked her through all the arrangements. Everything was set until a small amount of buyers remorse creeped in as she was about the give the credit card number. That's when she asked "The Question" -- "Before we book this is there any place on-line where I can read about it other than your site?" And Miss Oh-I’m-So-Damn-Helpful Rep replied, "Yes, go to www.dennyp.com. There's a lot of great info there."
No, No, No, No!!!!!!! Yes, there is helpful info but it's all the adolescent fantasy stuff. Nude people on the beach, toga party's, sex in the hot tub. Not what I needed to seal this deal.
OK, time to just fess up and be honest. "Look maybe it's wild and there are nude people running around but we are reasonable people and we'll only do what we feel comfortable with. I love you and have no intention of doing any of that stuff. I just want an active vacation where we can decide together what we'll do." Of course, that didn't work so I pulled out the trump card, "I picked it out of the hat fair and square - no callbacks, no take backs, no nothing!"
We booked Hedo III.
I'll just pass by all the travel problems. They've been covered by many others and jump right into arrival.
Friday evening at 8:30 pm - We finally arrive and check in at the registration desk. The gentleman at the desk greets us and asks if we had ever visited before to which we reply no. With a devilish grin he says "I'm sure you will enjoy your stay." We laugh and I drop in, "Oh, by the way, do you have any rooms available in building 600?" Again the devilish grin. "How do you know about 600?" Rather than going into the story about the posts on dennyp.com that say it overlooks both the nude pool and beach, I just smiled. Jackpot! Oceanfront Suite 600 building..
A very nice bellman show's us to our room and politely goes over all of the features and activities of the resort. After he left we quickly unpacked and headed out for a drink. Walking down the stairs we pass a couple going to a party in an adjoining room dressed as characters from Aladdin. A nice Disney touch, however he's in see through pants while she dons identical pants and a sheer veil covering only her face . Oh shit! My first night here with my wife and it's masquerade night. Not going well so far. I have to get her to the bar quickly.
At the bar we are met by a group of people dressed in everything from something to nothing. My wife states that this could be the worst vacation of her life. I'm sure she’s going to make it mine. Strike one.
Two drinks and it's just after 11:00. Nothing to lose now so off to the disco. After standing in a corner for a few minutes we're back in the room where I receive the full silent treatment. Finally, I break the ice with a small bit of understanding and reassurance, "I know it's a little overwhelming but just go into tomorrow with an open mind."
Saturday morning 9:00 am - Bathing suits on and down for breakfast. Now I have to warn everyone if you go to Hedo and expect cruiseline food you'll be disappointed. The serve-yourself buffet doesn't live up to a cruise but it's not Denny's either. It's satisfying, edible and abundant but not gourmet. However, my wives in no mood for edible... strike two.
10:30 am and I'm off to orientation while she floats in the prude pool. I arrive back at 11:00 with tales of wonder and merriment from the orientation. OK, I made most of it up but I did tell her about another pool across the way where there were more people. The prude pool is always empty.
About noon we stroll over to the Quad Pool. This pool falls somewhere between the nude pool and the prude pool. It's clothing optional and usually is about 40% fully clothed, 40% topless, 20% nude. We dubbed it the confused pool. It's also one of the most fun pools. The people were nice and the swim up bar is usually full. While you would think that it's a little weird being clothing optional it's actually comfortable because there's no pressure. You don't have to be one way or the other like you do at the other pools. You can just be yourself and decide what to do on-the-fly. I think that's why my wife was topless by 1:00 pm.
We spent about 4 hours at the Quad pool then returned to our room for a 2 hour nap and a shower. Off to Pastafarri for dinner. Pastafarri is a reservation only sit down restaurant. Not fine dining but a very nice restaurant with good food.
Afterward we went up to the piano bar where one women was dancing on the bar while another, who we had met earlier at the prude pool was dancing and straddling a third woman’s face. Ladies and Gentleman this is why I wanted to go to Hedo!
By this point my wife had begun to loosen up but notice I said begun. By the time we hit the disco at 12:30 for the amateur strip-off she was tired and ready to go. When they announced that the strip dancing would begin at 1:00 she couldn't wait so we left. The next day I found out that the contest was won by our prude pool sunning, bar dancing, face straddling friend. So, while the message boards my knock the prude pool people, remember they still chose Hedo so you never know. In fact the only sighting of this beautiful woman in less than full clothing was when she was dancing on top of the bar for 100 cheering fans.
So we were back in the room by 1:00 and sleeping by about 2:30 :-) The walls at Hedo aren’t really thin but we were both awakened at 3:15. I counted 4 different, um, voices(?) coming from the next room. My wife counted 5. I feel confident in saying that, regardless of the number, fun was had by all.
Sunday 10:00 am - Off to the Quad pool for some fun and sun. By 11:00 we're talking with a very, very prude couple at the swim-up bar. They came on the SuperSuprise package and should have knocked out both Hedo’s. I'm sure they didn't have a good time on this vacation but they were nice.
12:30 - After lunch we went on the first of 5 Hobie Cat rides. Don't miss these they are a blast. If you want a fast and exciting ride go with Zia and ask him to get it on one rail then cheer him on.
2:00 pm - My wife suggests we go over to the nude beach and who am I to object. The pool was packed. There were only a few chairs remaining and we finally settled into one near the back. Quickly, we were both lying au natural in the sun for the first time in our lives. That's when she turned the tables!
You see I had been the "Oh, come on loosen up" one to this point. But the truth is that I'd never gone nude in public either and, while I played it cool until now, it was somewhat uncomfortable at first. So, just to watch me squirm she asked me to go up to the bar and get her a drink. Yes, I admit it, I squirmed but after about 5 minutes of teasing I did it. However, being in the back and not near or in the pool I had to walk around the entire pool in my birthday suit. To my relief and disappointment no one even looked.
We were both now officially one of "those" people. Well almost, there was still one more place to see and be seen.
7:00 pm - Before making our way to the Japanese restaurant for a 7:30 reservation we stopped to see a show on the main stage. Just some of the guests doing stupid things with the staff but there were no tables available. We asked another couple if we could join them and they agreed. We talked for a few minutes (just let me warn you this is not going where you think it is) then my wife and I went to dinner.
The Japanese restaurant is much like Bennihanna's but the chefs aren't. Suggestion - check the shrimp for missing digits before eating. I'd say it's on par with Pastafarri's with slightly better food.
After dinner we met the couple we had sat with during the show at the bar. We talked and went to both the piano bar and disco together. At the disco I asked the husband where they were going afterward and he said the nude side hot tub. Well, over the past two day's I had been repeatedly warned about even bringing that subject up so I suggested he invite us to join them. I knew my wife was pretty buzzed by then and while she'd quickly tell me "Hell no, pervert" she'd may agree if there was another couple. Security in numbers and besides she thought they seemed pretty normal. I was right, she agreed.
As we were walking down from our room in only our towels I remembered I had forgotten something and quickly ran up stairs. As my wife was waiting our friends came by and she slipped into the tub with them. I was gone maybe 2 minutes and she was hit on three times. I guess I can understand why: she's alone, beautiful,l in a hot tube at 3am and nude. I will say that the people were mostly respectful, a polite no was all it took. And while she was hit on the moment I walked away either at the disco or pool she was never approached by anyone who knew we were together.
Anyway, back to the hot tub. When I arrived at the tub I quickly realized that the hot tub stories were true and that my wife had really loosened up after two days (no, not that loose). Approximately 10-12 couples and a few singles were in the tub with several more in the pool. Three guys were sitting next to each other on the edge of the tub while their wives/girlfriends were giving them BJ's and the only thing my wife found objectionable was that the men were holding a conversation! "If I was doing that in front of all these people and you were talking to someone else and not paying attention, I'd bite it off." Nice to see she take pride in her work.
FYI, most people go to the hot tub just to converse with others. Yes, it’s weird to talk with a bunch of naked people but after 5 minutes they become just a bunch of people. 80% of them just come to talk and relax, 10% are single guys looking for willing women and the other 10% wind-up having sex. Usually they move to the pool and away from everyone else but some just stay in the hot tub. Funny but sometime you don’t even notice the sex. Every night we’d compare stories and everytime she see a group I missed or vise versa. I know, you’re thinking ‘get your eyes checked’ but sometimes you just don’t see it. Or maybe, he’s just too fast.
Monday and Tuesday - Basically the same... breakfast, nude beach/pool, sleep from 5:00 - 7:00, dinner, disco, hot tub. All fun every night.
So should you go? That depends.
If you are married or a couple and you’re interested enough to read this I’d say yes. The people are great, the facility is nice and you can do as much or as little as you’d like. I don't know exactly what it is about Hedo that will turn a conservative soccer mom into a lingerie wearing, public sex having, goddess of the night but I wish I could take some home and you will too. It’s harmless fun.
Singles males who are looking for sex should avoid this place like the plague. Any divorced or single male who goes to Hedo with a few male friends because they want to get laid is an idiot. 50-60% of the people there are couples, 35% are single or divorced males, that leaves maybe 10% single/divorced females. I know you’d like to believe the Hedo marketing materials but if you want to have sex with women go where there are women.
Single females who are looking for sex should go to Hedo immediately. You will be one of only 5 single females looking for sex among 100 single males. Remember, single males believe any brochure that promises easy sex and will not stop going to Hedo regardless of what I said in the previous paragraph.
A few side notes -
-Videotaping/still photo during the evenings needs to be controlled. Part of the allure of Hedo is that you can do things you'd never do at home and your neighbors won’t know. Allowing video/still photos will ruin this. One post on the Internet could really hurt someone. Hedo needs to prohibit still cameras and videos from entering the piano bar and disco on any night. The only time they made it an issue was when some asshole brought one into the PJ night party complete with light. They stopped the music and he was booed out of the place. We saw videotaping/still photos at the piano bar for the girls on the bar, the striptease contest and masquerade night with no one stopping these jerks. Hedo should make it clear at check-in and then have the bartenders toss anyone with a camera. If the staff at Hedo doesn’t stop this either they’ll lose business or a photographer is going to get the &%#@ beat out of him by an upset husband. This was a major issue for both of us and should be something everyone at this site emails Hedo about.
-Tuesday evening at the PJ party was something else. DO NOT MISS IT! After watching some of the "dancing" we were more than ready to join in the fun. We were not there for toga but I can’t see anything topping this.
-Land Sharks or Vinnies - not nearly as bad as I anticipated but still mildly annoying.
-Invasion of the locals - This is a resort right? So wouldn’t you expect that only resort guests be permitted in the resort? The weekend and PJ night invasion by locals is bullshit. If Hedo is that desperate for an additional few hundred dollars a week raise the price by a dollar a night. The locals ruined several events most especially PJ night and the amateur strip contest. These night would be rowdy enough without 30-40 more unattached males groping and making obscene comments to any women who comes within 10 feet of them.
-Every room in the place was full when we were there but the only place that was crowded was the nude pool. That was really nice but if you want a decent chair near the nude pool be there by 9:30am.
-The staff shows kinda sucked (sorry) they need to come up with a way to fill in the time between dinner and the piano bar better.
-The piano bar is fun... once. Change the shows or at a minimum the songs. What about a comedy show one night or an improv group? Anything but the same songs sung by the same drunks.
-After three days at Hedo nudity becomes a non-issue. Once you’ve seen 100 sets of silicon breasts you long for a natural pair. Hard to believe but true.
Lastly, during the "How well do you know your spouse" show. The couples were asked, "Experts say that you can burn 500 calories during sex. If that's true how many calories have you burned during your stay?" We weren’t on the panel but were quietly playing along. The seven 20 - 30 year old couples on stage said between 500 and 2500. We came in at 9500. Just goes to show that even after 10+ years of marriage and two kids, Hedo III will still have an effect on you.
Two enthusiastic thumbs up.