TRIP FROM 12/27/00 TO 1/1/01 (with pictures)
In many ways, this was the vacation from hell.
Some of it was not Hedonism III’s fault; much of it was.
We were visiting relatives in PA over the holidays, so
we embarked from Philadelphia International.
Boarding the plane, it was the first time I had ever been greeted by
customs officials with drug-sniffing German shepherds in the little tunnel
from the waiting area to the plane. We
were briefly interviewed by a friendly agent; she asked us if we had more than
$10,000 in cash on our persons and I jokingly answered that I wish we had such
problems.
We arrived in Mo Bay on time and were directed to the
Super Clubs desk. A young man who
was not wearing a uniform insisted on taking our bags to some other area while
we waited for the shuttle but Bernie did not want to lose sight of our bags so
he declined. The young man kept
insisting and started to drag our bags off.
Bernie firmly stated to him not to move the bags and that was that.
Within a minute, the shuttle had arrived and we took our bags to the
shuttle with the assistance of one of the uniformed employees.
On the bus ride there, I was stricken by how livestock
just roamed the roads. Cows,
goats, and chickens littered the landscape, loitering in the fields with no
visible owners to be seen. Amazing
the animals don’t just wander off and never return, and I wander how people
know who owns which animal. Anyway,
we arrived at Hedo III in about an hour and 20 minutes.
WEDNESDAY
Check in: Building 6…????
We got to the resort at about 3:30 p.m.
We showed our paperwork and the front desk clerk verbally confirmed our
request for ocean view, king bed. When
I added, “Building 6,” he paused as if I had asked for a room on Mars, and
I knew this was going to be a hassle. Go
Classy had sent us initial paperwork stating all of our requests, and I
remember seeing “Building 6” in the first letter they sent.
However, I didn’t have that particular document with me.
The clerk told us that Building 6, 3rd floor was entirely
full, they expected the resort to be at capacity, and to take it up with our
travel agent once we got to our room in Building 8. Bernie insisted that we not be forced to pay for the call,
and finally the clerk agreed to call Go Classy from the lobby phone for us.
Rather than talk with Go Classy himself, he dialed the number, listened
for a ring, then handed the phone to me.
I got Lance on the phone, and he told me that he would talk to the
clerk with no guarantees but would plead in the interest of customer service.
Lance gave me the managerial pecking order starting with Kevin Levee
(which, we would find out over the course of our stay, is like asking to talk
to Jesus Christ himself). I
motioned to the clerk that he was wanted on the phone.
The clerk spoke with Lance for a couple of minutes, then came over to
us and said he would see what he could do.
He told us to have a seat at the main pool bar and have a drink. The resort looked deserted.
Several minutes later, he came over to us and told us that he had “managed”
to get us into Building 6, 3rd floor, but that they would have to
push to single beds together. Fine.
One half hour of hot tub time wasted haggling over an “occupied”
room that was not occupied after all. We
dragged our bags up to the third floor with the help of a bellman.
We got room 637 overlooking the nude beach and the back portion of the
pool area where the rows of beach chairs are.
The rooms are as beautiful as everyone says with the exception being
the little black dots of mold that have begun to form on the couches.
Jamaica is indeed a humid place.
Lisa???!!! Kim???!!!
We quickly unpacked and headed down for the nude
pool/hot tub area. First time
doing the nude thing and stripped as soon as our gear hit the chairs.
There was a game of pool volleyball going, led by Foxy.
We got drinks then headed for the hottub.
After 15 mins, I heard someone say, “I don’t recognize any of the
people I e-mailed.” I turned
and said, “Lisa from Dallas???” “Kim
from California???” BIG HUGS!!!
J
It was really cool to hook up almost immediately with someone we knew
from Denny’s site. Anyway, we introduced the husbands and became partners in
crime over the ensuing days…what a blast!
The day was spent drinking and lounging in the hottub, then later we
headed back to the room and got ready for dinner.
WEDNESDAY IS LOBSTER NIGHT!!!!!! I
had 4 delicious lobster tails and tried to will myself to eat more but couldn’t.
We walked by the disco and heard Brittney Spears blaring out of the
speakers. Bernie and I were
exhausted and, not being in the mood to hear our 6-year-olds favorited tunes,
we headed to bed early that night in hopes that reggae would be on the menu in
future nights. Ha.
THURSDAY:
The Perfect Storm
The routine became “breakfast, then head to the
hottub and drink the morning/afternoon away.”
That morning we decided to check into one of the excursions advertised
as a “nude sunset cruise with Jamaican open bar.”
The tours person told us that if they had 8 people signed up, the “cruise”
would be a go. We told Joe and
Lisa about it and they signed up. By
6 p.m. they had 7 people and decided to take us out. I was thinking, “Boy this is gonna be one empty boat,”
but they told us that they also stopped as Breezes to pick up passengers
there. We got to Breezes via a
small, rickety glass-bottom shuttle boat and there were no takers. There we climbed/crawled from the shuttle boat onto the “cruise”
boat: a 30-foot catamaran not much bigger than a raft.
When I hear the word “cruise”, I think of enclosed, yacht-type
craft not a vessel which leaves you exposed to the elements.
No problem I figure—a few drinks and everything will be cool.
The “Jamaican open bar” consisted of 2 jugs of beer and 1 jug of
rum punch, and the jugs looked like something you’d have in your garage
holding old chemicals. Judy, who
we met on the catamaran and would become another of our fast friends, took 2
sips and couldn’t finish the rest of the putrid mix.
The water got very rough and choppy.
Then it started to rain—cold, stinging rain. And they 2-man boat crew kept us out there.
The waves got pretty big and started splashing into the catamaran, but
our clothes were already soaked from the rain.
We did get a good laugh, though, out of Bernie having to relieve
himself in the little urinaral area in the bottom of the boat.
His head was practically holding up the lid that covered the little
space as he stood there trying to keep his balance.
Long story short, we wasted 90 bucks, I got seasick, and when we
finally arrived back at the resort Bernie immediately went to complain. We were told that it would be taken up with the manager and
we would be contacted. Yeah,
right. This experience turned us
off from wanting to take the resort up on any of its other excursions.
Toga: Tie for first place!!! (See pic below)
I prayed that I would get over the seasickness because
I had put a lot of effort into our toga gear for the night’s festivities.
I made a beeline for the hot tub, then when Bernie returned from
complaining we headed up to the room and took a hot shower.
That did the trick. We
donned our toga outfits and headed for the main dining area.
We tied for best couples toga, danced the evening away, then headed to
the hot tub for the remainder of the evening before heading for bed.
FRIDAY
More hottubing, drinking, and socializing with new
friends, nude slide. At one point
during the day Bernie and I were walking over to the grassy area to watch nude
oil wrestling when one of the male staff blocked my path, saying, “Ahh, my
favorite girl.” I hurried to
catch up to my husband. Later
that day, I took 3rd place in wet teeshirt! (See pic below).
We had made reservations that morning for 4 at
Pastafari and invited Lisa and Joe. The
food and the company were great. Bernie
and I went to watch Lacy and the rest of the entertainment staff rehearse for
the New Years Eve party. Bernie
wanted to turn in early, but I headed down to the hottub.
It had begun to rain and I was the only person in there from about
11:30 p.m. to 12:30 a.m. So much
for the resort being “at capacity”. The
rain began to die down and a few people started to trickle in to the hottub,
but I decided to go join Bernie so I turned in for the night.
SATURDAY: F*%$ You, Mon!
More of the same during the day—drinking, hottubing,
nude slide, socializing. Avoid
the Yellow Bird drink unless you really want to get buzzed quick!
It is a vodka drink and is not as watered down as some of the rest of
the stuff there. I had 3 in a row
while sitting at the pool bar waiting for lunch and was practically in la-la
land. We made reservations that
morning for Munahana in the evening with the standing invite open to Joe and
Lisa. As usual, dinner and
company were fabulous. We headed
to the disco where the music was still American pop but tolerable.
I was wearing a red sheer dress and decided to hop into the cage and
shake it for Bernie. About 5
seconds into my little number I was descended upon by 3 local males and
quickly decided to get out of the cage and join my husband at his side.
We decided to leave for the solitude of the hottub.
Once there, a crowd of young locals came stomping and splashing into
the hottub which made several of us female guests visibly uncomfortable. The hottub quickly became overcrowded to we decided to leave
for the quad hottub and pool. The
bar there was closed, so another female guest and I decided to go to the front
desk, explain that we had been ousted from the nude hot tub, and request that
the bar be opened and a bartender sent over.
Several minutes later, some staff members arrived at the desk with a
couple of crates of rum and told us we could take these over there.
So much for customer service. We
returned to the quad area and after a while our group, not caring for
self-serve bar service, decided to head back over to the nude side to see if
we guests could reclaim those amenities.
The local crowd had gone, but somehow the hottub temperature had become
practically boiling. No one could even keep their legs in. We asked the staff if they could do something about the
temperature and got a smiling, hemming-and-hawing response that told us we
were wasting our time.
Finally, at about 5 a.m. Bernie and I decided to head
for bed when a young male staff member approached Bernie and asked for a
cigarette. The pack, which had
been half full when we got back to the nude area, was now mysteriously empty.
Bernie told him no, and the staff member repeated the request.
Bernie replied that he didn’t have anymore and that he wasn’t a
cigarette store, and the young man said, “You don’t have to be rude about
it, mon. F*%$ you!” and
stalked off. Astonished, Bernie
asked, “What did you say?” “F*%$
you!” Once more, Bernie asked
him what he said. “F*%$ you!”
the young man yelled. Bernie
turned to the security person on duty and said, “You heard that, right?” The security person, who happened to be chief of security,
reluctantly agreed that he had. I
grabbed a towel immediately went to the front desk to report the incident (2
trips there in one night—great). The
night manager there practically called me a liar. I asked if I might get a word with Kevin Levee and got that
same, smiling hesitancy that told me I might as well ask for a meeting with
Jesus himself. Bernie finally
showed up with the security person in tow.
The manager and the security person were both trying to minimize the
incident, switching from patois between themselves and English when trying to
convince us that they would handle it. When
I finally burst into tears, the night manager decided stated, “We had better
fill out a report.” Exhausted,
we turned in at about 6:30 a.m.
SUNDAY: New Years Eve
Simone called up to our room to apologize for
the behavior of the staff member and assured us that the situation was being
handled. I was pretty hung over,
having never really fully recovered from those Yellow Birds, but finally made it down to her office to talk to her where
she apologized again. We asked
her about a refund for the nude “cruise” which no one had ever followed up
on and she said she would look into it. Bernie
and I had breakfast then I returned to bed for much of the day to sleep off
the hangover and be back in shape for the New Years celebration.
I got rejuvenated and got ready for the evening, but there was no hot
water coming out of the faucet by the time Bernie went to take his shower.
I mean, no water—you turned on hot and absolutely nothing came out!
Bernie managed a quick cold shower and we headed out.
The festivities that night were fabulous.
The entertainment staff had virtually disappeared over the previous
days to rehearse, but the shows they put on made up for their lack of presence
and organized activities during our stay.
MORE LOBSTER! I had my
4-tail limit, drank too much champagne, and danced the night away with hubby. We headed to the hottub later, then it began to rain so we
turned in.
MONDAY: Heading home…NOT
Simone gave us a letter authorizing a free night’s
stay at Hedo to use before 12/31/01 because of our troubles. Long story short, the rain never let up and there was coastal
flooding. We had a 5:40 flight
out and the resort’s shuttle didn’t leave until 2:30 p.m. No problem, until what was supposed to be 1 hour, 20 minute
bus ride turned into 4-1/2 HOURS. At
one point, the water was up over the bus’s wheels and the bus, the size of a
Greyhound Bus, swayed slightly as if it might tip over.
The buses are not in communication with each other or the airport, so
there was no way to know if flights had been held or not.
We did not arrive at Mo Bay until 7 p.m.
Almost everyone had missed flights and the airport had not held the
planes. Four busloads of people scrambled make a dash for a flight,
make other flight arrangements, or find a place to stay for the night.
The airport staff were of virtually no help at all—it was an
every-man-for-himself free-for-all, save for a lucky few who had booked
through Air Jamaica Vacations and were put up in a local Mo Bay all-inclusive.
We managed to find our way to the Super Clubs desk over in arrivals and
haggled to get gratis accomodations since Hedo knew about the road conditions
but still kept the shuttle on its usual schedule.
We ended up getting comped at Breezes Mo Bay.
Before our small shuttle van left, an airport employee stopped us to
demand a tip from another couple who had made a mad dash with their bags to
get out of the rain and on their way. “You
give me tip!” No one had bothered to help us with our bags, as it was
raining and the airport staff all stood around taking shelter from the rain.
Talk about going from Fantasy Island to Gilligan’s island.
No running water AT ALL during certain times of the day due to a Mo Bay
Water Commission debacle. We
found out that Air Jamaica could not get us to Philadelphia until Wednesday,
two days after we were supposed to leave Jamaica.
We made the best of it and hung out with a great couple from Maine.
We also discovered that the Mo Bay locals seemed a lot friendlier than
those we had met in Runaway Bay area, and were able to do some shopping for
gifts which we were not able to do in Runaway Bay after deciding that we would
not pay for any of the resort’s other excursions.
Hedo picked up our additional night’s stay after haggling, but people
from other Super Clubs resorts, namely Breezes Runaway Bay, were told that
they would have to pay for the night themselves at over $200 a piece for that
dump. The delay was still costly
for us in the end, as our flights from Philadelphia back home to California
had to be reticketed to the tune of $225 for 3 tickets, Bernie had to use
additional vacation days, and I missed my first days of classes at the risk of
being dropped from them. What an
adventure.
CONCLUSION
There were many disappointments this trip, which is
really unfortunate because we really hoped that we would want to go down there
2 or 3 times a year, or at least return this June to celebrate our 7th
wedding anniversary. However, it
is a hassle to get there from the west coast and our experience there did not
make it worth the effort in the near future.
At one point I was tempted to take Simone’s letter for a free night
and send it to John Issa telling him he could keep it. We are exploring clothing-optional resorts closer to home
such as Solare Loreto near Baja, Mexico (listed by its former name, Eden
Loreto, on Denny’s site) which we have read has a HUGE hottub, and the Ibiza
Resort (newly renovated and formerly known as the Edgewater West) right here
in Oakland. At any rate, here are
some tips: 1) Bring at least a full carton of cigarettes.
We only brought half a carton, gave most of them away, and ended up
having to smoke Montclair brand at $5 a pack.
The gift shop does not carry American cigarettes, though once we got to
Mo Bay we found them plentiful and cheap.
2) Bring your own C batteries if you want to take your tunes down by
the nude hottub/pool. We were
told that the sound system there got rained on, and so there is no music on
that side. Batteries are $6 for a
pack of 2 at the makeshift gift shop, and the CD players take 8 batteries, so
unless you want to spend $24, bring your own.
3) DO bring enough outfits, underwear, etc., for each day, even if you
plan on being nude most of the time. In
addition to dressing for dinner and other activities, you never know if you
might get stranded as we did.
In conclusion, we met some wonderful, wonderful people and did still manage to have a blast. The entertainment staff were professional and always hospitable (Lacy, we miss you!). The nude bar staff were also fantastic. While we have been turned on to clothing-optional vacationing, I have definitely been turned off by Hedo III and would have been turned off from Jamaica in general if not for the stay in Mo Bay where people seemed friendlier. Jamaican hospitality was nil among some waitstaff at Hedo and at the airport, and I learned not to expect a “Your welcome” in response to my “Thank you”, particularly with an airport bartender who just snatched my money in silence when I ordered a drink while awaiting my flight to finally get out of there and back to the States. I felt uncomfortable and downright unsafe at times at the resort, with some male staff leering, rowdy locals taking over the place on weekends, and the “f*%$ you” incident. I can understand why some single females have stated in the past that they felt uncomfortable there, and I would never go there without male company for this reason. Simone may as well have kept the free night. This is not to say we won’t give it another shot at some time, probably when we know a group such as the Hellians are going, but our fingers aren’t itching to dial up Go Classy for reservations in the near future.