Alan & Becky

The Beginning

Our rookie Hedo trip was from July 8-12. My husband found Denny’s Den about a month before we left. We were pretty prepared for what was going to happen. We hope our account, though, will help someone else as others have helped us.

Air Travel

Our trip from DFW on Sun Country was uneventful. We checked in two hours ahead of time (instead of the recommended 3) and were given boarding passes. The flight took 3 hours and 15 minutes, and went smoothly. (Don’t expect any meals on the flights…eat ahead of time!) When we got to the airport in Montego Bay, we were surprised to find that there were no jet bridges! We got off the plane by stairs! The Mo Bay airport is a far cry from DFW, but it was air-conditioned. We were lucky to get through customs efficiently, and claim our luggage as quickly. We then proceeded to the Funjet area. From there, it was a little confusing. We kept being shuffled from person to person, and eventually, we and our luggage were taken and thrown (without our permission) onto a 6-passenger mini-van. We supposed this was all part of the “welcome” from Hedo, but then were asked for a tip from the “pushers.” Nothing like tipping someone for something that you didn’t ask for! Our mini-van was stopped because one of the couples didn’t tip the baggage handlers. I am sure it was an oversight, but the handlers don’t like oversights! After a bumpy and scary 1 ½ hour drive, we arrived at Hedo.

Arrival

It was hard to believe this “paradise” was nestled in the poverty of Jamaica. At first, I had my doubts that we would be in a “new” site, but as we arrived, I could see that it was beautiful. We checked in smoothly, and were given room 632, overlooking the nude pool! Two things occurred to us later: first, she didn’t even ASK if we were offended by nudity (we weren’t, but for 1^st timers, I would expect her to ask) and 2^nd, we PAID for Ocean FRONT rooms. How could the 3^rd floor be oceanfront? So, we were led to our room, past the gift shop (what a joke…it’s two guest rooms!!), and past NAKED PEOPLE to our room. When we discussed with the bellman that we paid for ocean FRONT, he said it WAS ocean front. WE asked what the difference was between ocean FRONT and ocean VIEW then. After getting nowhere, we decided to go back down to the office and discuss this with the lady in charge. She explained that at Hedo, there really weren’t such things as ocean FRONT rooms. There was no difference. We know that there is a difference in PRICE! Instead of arguing, though, we just kept what we had. I have a really strong feeling that they really don’t care what you pay for…you get what’s ready when you arrive.

Room

The room was nicer than we expected. We liked the remote controlled air conditioner, and the view was superb. We couldn’t help buy gawk at first because we had never seen that much nakedness in our lives! There was plenty of room. The beds weren’t pushed together, and it did take THREE calls to housekeeping to get this done (took until 10pm). Our biggest complaint was BUGS, which I will address separately

BUGS!

When we returned to our room after our 1^st swim, we noticed that the orchids, which we had put on our headboard, had drawn ants galore! I called housekeeping, who responded “ok.” I noticed that you couldn’t accept “ok” as “I will come and fix it.” It more likely means “Oh, really. Interesting!” In the meantime, I got a can of hairspray and killed a lot of them, wiped it clean, and showed the maid when she came to fix the bed. We continually fought ants (on the 3^rd floor, no less!) the whole trip, especially in the bathroom on the vanity. There were SWARMS of them. I think I wasted a whole can of hairspray on them. I kept calling housekeeping to no avail. I will probably have to write a letter to Hedo about it. One night we found a cockroach upside down, dying on the bathroom floor. I HATE roaches, so that really made me sick. Again, told housekeeping, who said “ok.” Also, the buffet area smells a lot like pesticide when you walk in. It really ruined my appetite. I do understand that this is the tropic, and bugs happen, but when you pay $2500 for a vacation, you really don’t want BUGS!

Nude Pool

We were very pleasantly surprised at the nude area. Both my husband and I are larger people, so we were a little apprehensive about taking it all off! I even suggested that I leave my bottoms on, until my husband reminded me that if he did that, he would be fully dressed. Not very fair. So as we were standing there, looking at people who were not looking at us, we finally just disrobed and walked quickly to the water. It was a nice pool. Not very big, as reported, but sufficient. The volleyball net staying up permanently was a drag. We did play a lot of water volleyball, but there really isn’t a need for the net up all the time in such a small pool. There was also a little cave area (I forgot the name) in the corner of the pool that was weird. The water in there was really slimy. People at night used this for all kinds of things, but during the day, I am not sure of the purpose. There were plenty of available chairs while we were there (no need to save any), and people seemed to come and go a lot, freeing even more chairs. The wait staff at the bar wasn’t very friendly. They seemed very quiet and particularly bothered by requests. We did brink large insulated tumblers, though, which they had no problem filling! I think the bar staff should be at least semi nude (bathing suits or something) to help with atmosphere. It seems strange ordering drinks naked to a fully clothed person. Maybe it’s a health department thing.

Games at the Nude Pool and Hedo Bucks: By all means, get involved. If two overweight people who are first time nudists can get out the water and participate, then you can. We earned enough Hedo Bucks (paper money you get for participating) to get a T-Shirt ($1 million Hedo Bucks) and a bandana ($750,000)! Just go for it.

Nude Beach

This is too funny! The beach is so small, you could fit it into your back yard! Not many people went there (during the day), but if you need a taste of beach, it’s there! There are two docks which again didn’t serve much purpose during the day, but at night…they were hopping. Let’s just say we have a FAVORITE deck chair! J

Nude Sand, Hammocks, Chess

Too hot, didn’t get much use. There needs to be more hammocks, and more two person ones at that. I did have a good laugh at hubby trying to get into one, however!

Theme Nights

Ok, this is the deal. If you LIKE to dance, then theme nights are great. All they are is a big dance, kinda like high school. The difference being, of course, that 90% of the people are into some kind of nakedness/slutiness. The disco is very small, again reminiscent of high school, and the music is too loud. The mix is strange, from Britney Spears to weird Reggae bands. The TV is on the BET channel with no volume, so the singers look like they are trying to sing with the disco music, and the videos don’t go with the songs. We only stayed for about an hour. I heard that later they had contests and awards, but we just didn’t get into the scene and had more fun in the hot tub! If you like dressing up and dancing, this is for you. If not, don’t waste money on costumes! (Like we did)

Dress

We were told to pack lightly, which meant only TWO suitcases each for us (HA HA). We also expected to just wear shorts and T-shirts. I expected to wear my bikini tops with shorts when clothing was required. Anyway, we missed somewhere that said Pastafari requires long pants (although we wore nice shorts and weren’t turned away), and most people dress very nicely (short dresses, Dockers) for dinner of any kind. Swim attire was not the norm in the eating places. Most women wore tank tops or that sort of top, and shorts if they did not wear a dress. Men have to wear shirts to eat (I like that rule!). Just know that you do need some nicer clothes to eat, even if you are only eating in the main dining room.

Food

Not much to report. The Japanese restaurant is by far the best, closest to “home cooking.” If you are not a Japanese food eater, however, the beef/chicken/shrimp won’t be a very big portion for you. We would suggest ordering a double portion. I love Japanese food, and found everything wonderful. Some people said their sushi had the wasabi already mixed in. Ours was separate. You can always ask for seconds of sushi.

Pastafari was ok for me, but again, husband is very picky, so there isn’t much for someone who is not into pasta. I would highly suggest looking at the menus before making reservations, but remember, as we did, that you can always go to the main dining room for food if you are still hungry.

The main dining room was adequate. It was much better when the food was labeled so that you didn’t have to guess. Also, the food covers were pretty heavy, and a nuisance to lift off. The salads were always plentiful and fresh (there are black olives GALORE!) and the dressings were good. I really had a hard time overcoming the bug spray smell, but never saw any bugs, so it was a trade-off, I guess. The glasses are silly, they are so small. We used our water glasses (goblets) for soft drinks. The wait staff seemed almost offended. This place is not air conditioned, so be prepared. Breakfasts were my favorite. The food seemed….Normal!!! ( Be careful of the coconut-looking fruit. It’s white and pulpy. I wouldn’t touch it!)

Lifestylers (Swingers)

Well, it was definitely going on around us, but we were never approached (not sure if I am offended or relieved!!! J) Some ladies would publicly hold hands and kiss in front of their husbands and all of us just to be exhibitionists, but all in all, they didn’t intrude. As usual, if you aren’t into the thing, they know it and don’t push. One couple asked some friends we had met if they could “watch” them one night. Our friends agreed, but never went through with it. If you are game, go for it.

You and Your Partner

The biggest thing we can both say is that you and your partner need to decide ahead of time what you will accept and what you won’t. If you know that certain things won’t offend you that your partner does with or without you, then TELL THEM. After all, the theme of Hedo is “Be wicked for a week.” Just remember that there need to be ground rules established ahead of time. Ours were that whatever we did, we made sure the other person KNEW about it, was THERE, and was INCLUDED in the decision. Fortunately, we didn’t even WANT to be with other people, as it was a very romantic time for us! Our friends, however, weren’t married, and had a big problem when one of them slept with someone else without telling the other. (Alcohol was involved. Watch out for the overproof rum!) Things can come back to haunt you, so be careful!

PDA

This was not what we expected. Honestly, we expected much more, so we were kind of disappointed. From our view on the 3^rd floor, we could see almost EVERYTHING! We expected to see orgies and all since we have read almost all of the trip reports, but most we saw was a guy lying on the fountain with the fountain spraying between his legs. People hugged and kissed and all, but we see that at the mall! All in all, our time was tame.

Final Notes:

1) Don’t do the “tie dying”. It’s not dye! It’s paint; it makes a mess, takes too long and washes out of your shirt when you get home!

2) Dress up for dinner

3) Get a base tan before you go, and even then, apply sun block ANY time you are going to be in the sun for over 30 minutes!

4) Say please and thank you a lot since you can’t tip

5) You have to sign up a day early for scuba stuff, and you can’t scuba the day before you leave.

6) The sun rises in Jamaica around 5:30 am. Don’t forget to close your blinds!

7) They do not announce at the nude pool what is going on at the prude pool area, so you may miss out on some neat stuff at lunch time and during the day. Make sure that if you are staying at the nude pool, to brink a watch and go do some stuff on the other side

8) THERE ARE NO CLOCKS ANYWHERE BUT IN YOUR ROOM! (This could be a good thing, but a waterproof watch really comes in handy, especially when you have made dinner reservations!

9) The waterslide is excellent, but don’t hold onto the sides…husband got major blisters!

Would we go again? Yes, for sure, but we wouldn’t spend the whole time at the pool. Although we met some great people and had a good time together, the pool can be boring after awhile.

Becky & Alan (LCJMOM@yahoo.com or ALABEC@yahoo.com )