Hedonism III – May 24^th through May 28^th

 

We were fortunate enough to return to Hedo 3 for the second time this year because we found ourselves with some extra time on our hands and an urge to get away together after a few stressful months. Our January trip was FANTASTIC! Be sure to read our previous trip report.  This time we had much better weather, making this trip very enjoyable, too.

 

It was very apparent to us that the folks at Hedo are actively working to make the place better. Even since January, we could see many signs of that.  Nothing major – just ironing out some of the glitches associated with the complex undertaking of opening up paradise for hundreds of people.

-         There were more towels.

-         There were more bananas.

-         Gift shop now carries a variety of Hedo III merchandise. They also added lingerie, sexy dresses, and accessories-- so if you get to the resort and feel like getting a little crazier than the clothes in your suitcase allow—you can! J

-         Activity levels seemed higher. We had a blast doing the silly mid-day madness and games at the nude pool. There still were several activities on “Jamaican time”… or that we looked for and that just didn’t happen. Overall improvement, though.

-         The pools are gorgeous! Crystal-clear, great temperature, equipped with volleyball nets (lots of intense fun in the sun!) and a wonderful water spout… (girls, you gotta try it!)

 

There are still a few things that need improvement:

·          Turning around the tables in the main dining hall. If you don’t make the first wave of seatings, forget it.  It is tough to find a clean table or get someone to clean and set it for you.

·          Keeping the hot tubs at the appropriate temperature. Come on guys, this ain’t rocket science. We generally either felt like we were sitting in day-old stew i.e., not quite luke warm, or our skin was being seared off.

 

Being return guests, we got a very warm welcome—and we could tell the staff members were told that we were repeat guests. That really made a difference to the comfort level we felt there from the very start.

 

The resort was full for much of our visit. This was largely due to 31 British Army Paratroopers taking a 2-day respite at Hedo after some intense remote training. Two of them actually parachuted into the resort, which was cool.  I’m sure you can all imagine the results of a recipe that included 31 stressed out young guys, endless alcohol, and a lot of exposed female breasts! Actually, you probably could not picture it.  For the most part, the guys seemed much more interested in the alcohol than in bothering anyone. Most of them were great and had a lot of fun at toga night, the disco, etc.  Two or three “bad seeds” who could not handle their liquor emerged, but the trouble they caused (head butting a friend of ours in the nude hot tub and getting into a scuffle with another guy we knew after making a pass at his girlfriend) was relatively contained and those few guys mysteriously vanished the next morning. Rumor has it that their commanding officer, not the resort, saw to it that they were booted out, pronto.  We surely saw no signs of trouble after these two “examples” were made.

 

Aside from the little trouble and their overall good-natured rowdiness, they mostly danced with each other. They seemed much happier smacking each other’s asses than grabbing those of the female guests. (although we know of personal instances when they were…)

 

There was a wide variety of guests at the resort.  There were some recent college grads (single males and females) celebrating their accomplishments and a lot of couples ranging in age from early twenties to late 50’s and beyond. A preponderance fell into the 30’s and 40’s range. 

 

E!TV was there filming some show about 3 single women who got to pick single male guests to have “dates” with (Very discriminatory, we thought. Why not have them date another woman or couple! Now that’s something I’d watch! J ). A date included activities in and around the resort. The E! girls were very cool and friendly and hung out with everyone when they were not working.  We saw plenty of them on the nude side. Having this going on added yet another dimension to the place. The only mild inconvenience was dodging the camera for those of us who didn’t want our coworkers flipping through the stations some night and seeing us drunk and scantily clad, but this was not a major deal. The crew was respectful of our wishes. (We’ll find out for real when the show airs and we see ourselves dancing silly at the toga party!)

 

The weather was nice, with sun in the morning, through 1 p.m. or so, and then clouds in the afternoons. There was a sprinkling of rain one of the days.  The sun/cloud thing dictated most people’s schedule, which was fine.   Here is the routine that we find ourselves in when visiting Hedonism…

 

10 a.m.	Wake up, pull on the first clothing you see, and hit the tail end of breakfast. Get your daily dose of Vanilla French Toast. Have a second helping. Have some fresh fruit so you feel like you’re being healthy.  Make restaurant reservations for dinner.  Make your reservations for the biggest table you can find.
11 a.m. to 1 p.m.	Hit the nude beach intending to read a book. Don’t read one single page. Talk with friends and make new ones. Catch good rays before the clouds roll in.
1 p.m. to 4 p.m.	Either ignore the fact that it is cloudy and keep sitting around the pool, grabbing a bite at the Nudi-Burger grill, or hit the dining hall or Scotch Bonnet for lunch. Maybe participate in mid-day madness (games) at the dining hall. Maybe participate in or watch the wet t-shirt contest. Maybe take a nap to get out of the sun and into the AC for a while. Maybe work out for 20-30 minutes so that you can say that you did. Note: Make sure that the TV in the gym is tuned to Playboy for the maximum workout experience. It is highly motivational. Time the rhythm of your reps with the moans or cheesy porn music J  This is a great time of the day to snorkel, waterski, etc.
4 p.m. to 7 p.m.	If you have left the nude pool, return. If not, why leave now? Oftentimes people get fun and frisky in the hot tub in late afternoon. If they don’t, lead by example and get fun and frisky yourself. Someone has to be first.  Some days, the entertainment staff will actually initiate the body shots or other fun activities on the nude side.  If you haven’t already found enough fun people to fill the dinner table you reserved, get to it.  Hit the trapeze at 4 p.m., if you are into that—and if you haven’t been drinking.
7 p.m. to 10:30 p.m.	Take a quick “nap” (which may or may not involve bed and/or sleep). Grab a pre-dinner drink at the poolside bar and then have dinner.  Be sure to try the Japanese restaurant and the Italian restaurant while you’re there. You’ll be impressed by both. Pace yourself. You don’t want to miss the second half of your day…
10:30 p.m. to 11:30 p.m.	Hit the piano bar if that is your thing, or play some pool.  Both are sports that you can enjoy while drinking.
11:30 p.m. until you can’t stand it or it gets lame	Hit the disco.  PJ night is especially fun there.  The music ranges from bad to terrible, so pick up the pace with those drinks. Get up on the bar and dance. Remove clothing until someone makes you stop. If no one makes you stop, finish removing your clothing and think of something more outrageous to do until someone makes you stop doing that.  At some point someone will make you stop (remember, “No penetration in the disco”. See January’s trip report).  When that happens, you have won! There is now a cage in the disco for more fun…
Immediately post-disco	Strip and go down the water slide screaming.  Climb back up and go down again. Repeat. Scream louder. Careful going down on your stomach. There are seams that can catch you in a funny (OK, not so funny) place. (I still have a scar.)
Post-slide -- ???	Naked hot-tubbing.  There are three hot tubs to choose from. Take a lap, pick the one that looks the most fun and stay for a while. When the nude hot tub gets too packed, subtly mention to a group of your friends to reconvene at the hot tub by the swim up rooms. Bring many drinks with you, as that bar will be closed. Or get a friendly bartender from the nude side to check on you periodically if you can.
??? to ???	??? J
??? until you pass out from exhaustion or drunkenness	Hit the buffet in the dining room. Tons of good chow! If your ??? is after 3 a.m., which it well could be, go to the front desk and ask for some food to go. They’ll have a little Styrofoam box for you with a sandwich, individually wrapped cheese squares, a cookie and even a juice box. Mom would be proud.

 

The more memorable moments from this particular trip included:

·          The wet t-shirt contest, orgy dance and all.

·          Keith’s proposal to Rebecca on toga night (ever expect a dildo and get a diamond ring, instead?).

·          Playing diplomat with a drunk British paratrooper (good night Jake, wherever you are).

·          Some unconventional body shot action (I said memorable moments, not necessarily good ones).

·          Fun dinner conversation like, “So, when did you first masturbate?”

 

Leaving sucked, as always, but we made a lot of great friends (hi everyone!), which is always what makes our trip to Hedo fantastic.  We’re thinking about that next trip already.  Hope to see you there!