Greetings
to the Hedo-Curious—
We
are Hedonism II veterans in our early 30’s who decided to try something new!
We had been to H2 on three occasions—the last time being in January of 1997.
We were a little tired of going back to the same place for vacation---
no matter how great it was. So when we heard H3 was opening, same fun, new
location, new facilities--- we booked a trip as soon as possible! January
22-29… We are so very glad we did.
Our
flight to Jamaica, getting through immigration, baggage claim (our bags were
nearly first off the plane, which is atypical of our luck!) and customs went
about as smoothly as possible. No problems!
We headed to the SuperClubs desk and were told to wait next to another
couple. The four of us and the
driver comprised our minivan to the resort.
Our uneventful 90-minute bus ride was full of questions from the other
couple regarding what Hedonism was really like. I doubt we did a very good job
of capturing its essence. This is tough to do in words!
Our
new friends were whisked off to their room very quickly upon arrival at H3,
while we were told to wait an hour while our room was re-keyed. Inconvenient,
yes, but we were on vacation and had been to Jamaica before. Jamaica does not
operate on U.S. time, so be patient. If
you don’t have patience, you’ll be in for some rough (Jamaican bob-)
sledding. We changed into swimsuits and took a little tour of the grounds,
making sure to grab our first “dirty bananas” (bananas, crème du cocoa,
vodka, ice?) along the way. By the time we had walked the grounds, our room
was ready!!
From
then on, despite the HORRIBLY RAINY weather, we had one of the best vacations
of our lives. What made our
vacation so phenomenal? Here’s a list:
The
People!
The
other guests were the greatest. While
we have met wonderful people in the past (in fact our best friends in the
world are friends from H2!) it
was always tough to find a big group
of people we clicked with. This time at Hedonism III, we made some terrific
friends. Make sure to read Robert’s
trip report and Gary and Sonia’s trip reports for some more perspective.
Besides
them, we had a great time with:
·
Danny (can you pull
up your green thong to cover that bruise?!?)
·
Jessica (my wife will
dance on the bar without any more vodka shots for encouragement, thank you!)
·
Kurt (Holy Guacamole!
We’re going to have to discuss that later!)
·
Megan (my body
painting partner. would you stop talking and just enjoy?!?)
·
Ron (why are they
licking vodka off of you instead of me?)
·
Janice (what were
you doing alone in your room for so long?)
·
Chris (get your hand
out of my shorts! OK, don’t…)
·
Bob (pole position
for swim up pool body shots)
·
Steve (stick to
alcohol next time!)
·
Dee (wait a minute…
that’s Dee?)
The
Hedo entertainment coordinators, the bartenders, the masseuse (Nicole), the
housekeepers, the woman selling pictures, the head chef, the property manager,
the waitstaff in the restaurants, the bellmen and security were all very
friendly and helpful. No matter how many room keys we lost, drinks or shots we
demanded, times we interrupted housekeeping by coming back to our room one
more time for that forgotten item, times we thumbed through pictures without
buying any, etc., everyone seemed genuinely happy to help us out.
And KC, Sly, Lucky, Michael, Stretch, Tristan, Lincoln and their
compatriots all helped to make our trip great and unforgettable.
Hedonism
III, like H2, is a wild place. I know you would love to read about the details
of drunken debauchery, but you’ll have to go and experience it yourself.
Hedonism is a place to go and let your hair down and have fun. Be naked
if you want. Watch others be crazy if you want (body shots, public vibrator
try-outs, passion in the hot tub). Or be crazy yourself!
But if you want to, hang out on the prude side and you’ll have a
blast anyway (only speculating – we’ve never been there!).
If you or your significant other are people that would be offended by a
bare breast or two (or four or six or eight) in the main dining room, a strip
tease routine by a guest on the piano in the piano bar, or a body shot or two
on top of the disco bar, SEROUSLY consider a different resort.
As Robert would say, “geez, didn’t these people look up ‘hedonism’
in the dictionary before they came?”
Hedo
III is superior to Hedo II in many ways. It is newer and more upscale. Careful
on that slippery tile, though! The rooms are all one needs, considering how
little time you really want to spend in them (sleep from 4am to 10am if you
are lucky, change clothes here and there, a quick “nap” before dinner,
etc.). Nice tub and shower, TV (might as well cancel all channels aside from
the Playboy channel), CD player, big bed with mirror overhead, ironing board,
couch, hair dryer, etc. We did
not know which room to request, so ended up in the 900 building with a view of
the Scotch Bonnet (supposedly “ocean view”… but it was a “restaurant
view.”) No big deal, but we’ll
shoot for 600, 700, or 800 next time.
The
pools are beautiful, and well-spaced around the resort-- but they are kept tad
cold. The piano bar is a good time, although the layout is a little strange…
not everyone can be in the piano room. The multiple hot tubs are nice to have
around, too, though it would be great to have a monster-sized tub like H2
does. The beaches are nothing to brag about, but they are fine. Kudos to
whomever designed the decks that jettison into the water on the nude side.
Very nice to hang out on. We always found seating by the beach… although it
was often tough to find chairs near the pool area. The slide from the disco to
the pool is TERRIFIC! What a great idea. Everyone should be required to slide
down it at least once.
The
circus training is a great complement to the resort… with very competent
trainers. Unfortunately, weather precluded us from using it as much as we
would want. Likewise, we had visions of water-skiing, snorkeling, visiting
Dunns River Falls, and a lot of other things that got rained out.
H3 does have pool,
Ping-Pong, and an air-conditioned ample gym that are all under-cover and good
ways to have fun and stay dry (surely you can invent a game that includes
pool, Ping-Pong, chocolate, Baily’s and body shots like we did!).
There are also tennis courts and a basket ball hoop.
If
you love the buffet at Hedonism II, you’ll love it at Hedonism III. If you
have been underwhelmed by the food at H2, the same goes for H3. By far, our
favorite meals were breakfasts—where you can sample tasty pastries, omelets
made-to-order, and lots of fresh fruit. Presentation for all the meals in the
main dining room is outstanding… with carved melons, elegant desserts, and
beautiful displays… and there is plenty of selection even for vegetarians or
other picky eaters. But if you’re going for pure taste? You won’t find it
very often here. There are certain dishes you’ll find that are OUTSTANDING—but
with the volume of food they’re putting out, it’s tough to make each one
special. We tended to eat at the grills for lunch… try the jerk chicken at
the Scotch Bonnet (authentic Jamaican restaurant) or the veggie-burger at the
nude grill… (mmmm!!) You can
make reservations daily at the Italian restaurant or the Japanese restaurant…
both come very highly recommended. The Japanese is a five-course set meal—with
some chefs who try super-hard to be entertaining as they slice and dice on the
grill in front of you. Presentation--- 2-stars… but the taste…. 4! J The Italian restaurant is great with service
and food. They will mix and match any combination of sauce/pasta if you don’t
see what you want on the menu. Also, be sure to get in line for the antipasto
bar… interesting selections.
Our
Recommendations to the H3/SuperClubs management:
Either
honor the “Sunshine Guarantee” or get rid of it.
During
our trip, not counting travel days, we had one day of sun, 3 days of little
sun (1/2-hour to 2 hours), and 2 days of driving rain with NO SUN. The weather
really did hamper our vacation—we are typically very active with the water
sports, etc… but it was just too stormy to count on going out for the
activities for most of the time. When
we asked about the Sunshine Guarantee at the end of our stay, we were
shepherded into the administrative offices, waited around to talk to someone
for about 20 minutes, and then were told that no credit would be offered
for those days. The individual cited that on one of the days, “there was
sun between 2:30pm and 2:45pm.” We were in the dining hall at that time and
“guarantee” that there was NO SUN, as we would have run out and stood in
it as fast as we could, after witnessing days and days of rain.
Unless you can come up with a way to get everyone, guests and employees
alike, to agree when there is sun and when there is not, you are asking for a
situation in which you’ll be arguing with and disappointing your guests.
Maybe you could ring a bell loud enough for everyone in the resort to
hear after the first 15-minute block of sun for the day has elapsed, or keep a
board posted with each day’s hours of sunshine so that guests can see it
when they want to. We also knew of other guests whom had received Sunshine
Guarantees for days that we were refused. It seemed like a subjective policy,
depending on whom you dealt with at the time. We were promised one free day
overall (certificate has not been received yet) but we were told it was NOT
because of the Sunshine Guarantee.
More
towels,
more consistently. Sometimes there were piles and piles of warm fluffy yellow
towels everywhere… other times, we were fighting our friends for a wet,
soggy one... (towel.)
Give
control of the hot tub and sauna
temperatures to the guests. So often, they were out of whack—and it took
resort personnel hours to get it “fixed.” Most of the time the nude hot
tub was too hot or too cold to sit in for long.
Our
room’s bathroom ceiling had a
major water spot on the ceiling … by our last day, it was dripping water. We
notified the front desk and hopefully its taken care of now… especially if
you’re staying there next!
Dining
room silverware, plates, water…
etc. On our first day we were given the proper utensils, napkins, and water
right away… but after that, we were hunting for them ourselves. There is a
problem with the size of the dining room to accommodate everyone—that’s a
given. But if they could keep up with setting the tables that ARE in there, it
would be much more enjoyable and people wouldn’t be wandering around with
plates of food wondering where to sit. Often when we asked an attendant for
silverware or to point out a table that was set, they would get surly.
Slippery
tile…
you’ve heard it before.
We
had certain “run-ins” with certain resort
personnel who were misbehaving. They were not any of the entertainment
coordinators or high-profile personnel… but it was a little disturbing.
Internet
access:
wouldn’t it be nice to have access to PCs for guests who didn’t want to
lug their laptops to the tropics? There could be ways to use it to meet
people, hook up with people, etc.
Photo-developing
service on
site.
Gift
shops need
more H3 merchandise. We were looking for trinkets and H3 postcards—but they
were not there yet.
More
encouragement for group activities
and other sports. Obviously it’s tough to get people motivated when it’s
rained for five days straight… but we were always looking for something fun
to do. Even silly trivia games in the dining room turned out to be fun. But
the participation levels for many of these things were low… even Toga Night
was tame—with only about 1/3 of the people wearing togas. (not the same at
H2, where they enforce the “no sheet, no eat” rules.) We heard some
complaints that the spirit wasn’t the same as at H2… but that’s only
because of the people. This might come with time.
H3
doesn’t have to be H2.
Our final piece of advice? Even though these are resorts run by the same
people—they don’t have to be the same. Sample a few different theme nights…
experiment with some new games. So many of your clientele have been to H2
before, and although it’s comforting to have many of the same things, in
newer facilities, it also would be invigorating to find unique twists to the
Hedo way of life. J Many people are coming to
H3 because they are looking for new horizons with the same hedonistic theme….
This is a great chance to play to that audience and try out new things.
ONE
TIP FOR THOSE PLANNING TO VISIT:
You’ve
read all of the other tips, like, “bring big cups for drinks” or, “bring
your own raft”. Here is our tip: Do not assume that anything will dry in
your room. If you assume your swimsuit or t-shirt or underwear will dry if you
hang it on the line or over a chair, forget it. You could hang that swimsuit
up for a month and it would never dry! Jamaica is very humid and the air
conditioners cool the rooms off, but do not do much in the drying department.
Bring enough clothing so that you will be comfortable, knowing that yesterday’s
clothes will be wet and musty until you get home (one guest we know did send
out for laundry, but was not willing to wager how high the bill would be).
Summary:
H3 is great! If we were to pick between H2 and H3 to return to—it would be H3 hands down. Go! Any complaints or inconveniences that we experienced were absolutely overshadowed by the great times we had and beautiful friends we made. If you can’t have a blast at H3, we aren’t sure where you could have fun…