Let me introduce myself, my name is Robert
I was fortunate enough to have stayed at Hedo III for about a month and thought I might be in a unique position to create a fairly comprehensive trip report. Because of the length of my stay I was able to experience a wide variety of people as the guests rotated about every 5-7 days. I was also able to spend a great deal of time getting to know the fabulous staff who are responsible for trying to make your vacation as memorable as possible.
The first few days I was at Hedo (early January) the number of guests was somewhat sparse. Only about 50-75 people seemed to be at the resort. This was a bit of a concern at first but a quick attitude adjustment helped me settle in for some relaxed sun worshipping. Within a four or five days the resort started to fill and I suspect remained filled until my departure (Feb 1). To say my vacation was outstanding would be a serious understatement. I have been lucky enough to have traveled a good portion of the world for both business and pleasure but from this point forward I will be vacationing at only one all-inclusive resort – Hedonism III.
Three basic factors come into play when you choose an all-inclusive vacation like Hedo III. The first is the accommodations, the second is the staff, and the third is the other guests. Weather is the fourth however it is unfortunately totally out of everyone’s control. Below you will find a short report on each of these three factors.
General Notes on the Resort:
I won’t bore you with the airport arrival activities, it’s all pretty straight forward – find the SuperClubs desk, get on a bus and relax for an hour or so.
Check in was very smooth. I arrived at about 7 or 8pm and was given a mini tour on the way to my room (thanks for everything Chris). During my stay, there were a few groups arriving who experienced a delay in getting into their room due to housekeeping being backed up cleaning the rooms of the many departing guests. One group I know of did not get into their room for about three hours. A few of them became fairly abusive to the front desk staff. I felt was unfair considering how much the situation was out of their control. A tip. If you find yourself in this situation RELAX. Understand that before you check in, other guests have to check out (maybe hundreds of other guests) and most may have left no more than a couple of hours before your bus arrived. Once the previous guests have checked out, those rooms have to be cleaned and prepared just for you so let them do their job – trust me, they’ll get you into your room as soon as they can possibly do it. Why start your vacation with stress? Go to the bar and have a few cocktails and chat with the bartenders and other newly arrived or remaining guests. Get to know your surroundings. Meet some of the staff. You won’t sit long before one of the entertainment coordinators walk by (you’ll meet some of them doing the meet and greet in the lobby). If your in a huge hurry to get out of your clothes, use one of the restrooms just off the lobby to change into swimwear (no nudity in public areas – see the rules below). If you just want to strip off everything, go to the nude pool and strip off there – if your going to be at the nude pool it is unlikely that you require a restroom to change into your chosen beach attire. Just advise the front desk staff or one of the entertainment kids where you will be and they will try to find you to let you know when your room is ready. Pack items into your carry on that you need in order to relax without necessarily being in your room. That way you’ll have everything you need without having to go to your room and search your luggage. Wanna shower before lying in the sun – no problem there are showers for sure at the nude pool and likely at the prude pool as well. Myself and some of the folks I met while at Hedo did come up with our own plan to speed up check-in and quick check-out but I suspect some newly arriving guests wouldn’t care for the system (thanks to my "back on the bus" coordinators Carol, George, Chris, Bob, Danny, Jessica, Todd, Cindy, Gary, Sonia etc.)
Accommodations:
I was in the 800 block of rooms which is just (I think) north of the nude beach. If you read Gary and Sonias’ trip report you will see that they recommend being in the 600 block. For those who like to party and want the shortest walk possible to the nude beach this is the place to be. For those who are looking more for a room which is quiet, stay to the prude side.
Because I was traveling alone I paid the additional charges to ensure no roommate. For me it was well worth the money. I had booked myself into suite and was pleased to see that it had two air conditioners and a small bar fridge in it. The rooms are, as you would expect, fairly basic. Mine had a king-size bed, whirlpool tub/shower and a small sitting area – this expanded sitting area is probably the main difference in size from the basic rooms offered at the resort. Two small safes (included in all rooms) were provided to stash cash, tickets and passport. Each room has a small CD player, which had excellent sound capabilities. Beware of the clock radio. I think it is a special Hedo clock, as it seemed to lose about 45 minutes every hour. Not all the people I met had problems with their clock but some did. Now you may ask, "why in the hell do you care about the clock radio, your on vacation". Very simple my friends, when you are dragging your sorry drunken ass to bed at 4 or 5 in the morning, you want to at least give yourself the choice of whether or not to drag your sorry hungover ass out into the sunshine every now and then. No worries though, simply call your friendly hotel operator for a wakeup. I can’t believe how nice those ladies were at 4am trying to decipher what in hell I was saying: "Yashrm aytwntnine, colya collme a but tinam??). The housekeeping staff are exemplary however remember that "Do Not Disturb" actually means something to them so take the door hanger off when you head out of your room. Anyway, ‘nuff said about the room except to add comfortable, spotlessly clean and cool when it had to be.
The Food:
This is one area that I think the resort has outdone every other all-inclusive resort. It is also the area where some all-inclusive resorts will try to save pennies and strive only for the bare minimum in quality. Not so at Hedo III. The food preparation and service was outstanding. Great variety daily and continual change. Kudo’s to the Head Chef. Great snacks offered at the grill at the nude pool and at the Scotch Bonnet tho I felt that because if it’s position on the property the Scotch Bonnet is somewhat under utilized (forgotten) by the guests. A huge hello with hugs and kisses to my darling Paulette who watched over me in the dining room. You will also find plenty of snacks and sandwiches in the main dining room after 2am.
The Staff:
This is also where the resort outshines any all-inclusive I have ever gone to (and I’ve been to a few). The staff at Hedo III was superb. Well trained to entertain, joke or cajole at the drop of a hat, and still able to leave ya alone when you want - your choice. I kinda tagged myself as Dr. Dofuckall as it was rare that I got involved in the games at noon or in the evening. I preferred to sit back and watch. However I would highly recommend that you take a chance and get involved. Every one I met had a riot when playing and it is an excellent way to meet other guests. For the ladies DO get involved in the wet T-shirt contest. I don’t care if you’re tall, short, skinny, fat, big boobs or no boobs you will have a ball. All of the entertainment staff get involved in the games in one way or another and they will encourage your participation – don’t fight it – have fun – you will likely never see any of these people again so go for it. No matter how boring or fun the guests are while you are at Hedo, the staff will do their utmost to ensure you enjoy your stay however do remember it is you, and only you who makes or breaks your level of enjoyment. The staff and other guests can only enhance.
I would like to acknowledge and thank some of the entertainment staff I felt were outstanding (all were great but these are the ones I interacted with the most).
Tristan: (a.k.a. Night Nurse) Extremely professional and sensitive to the needs of the guests almost instinctively. Tristan my friend, you were great.
Jasintea: (a.k.a. Sly) My wonderful sparring partner who watched over me and traded witticisms and "insults" with me (sometimes at elevated volumes to the great enjoyment of a number of guests). This one’s for you my darling: "I’m comin’ back ya cranky old bitch and this time when I leave I’m taking the kids home with me!" J’taime choux.
Maureen: (a.k.a. Stretch) my slow dance partner, my confidant and my friend. Maureen was close to the end of her contract when I left and so I do not know if you will get to meet her. If you do, she is a treasure. I’ll never forget you Doll.
Lucky: The scrappiest Entertainment coordinator on the property. This lady is too much fun. Please SOMEBODY take the words to "Camp Town Races" down for her. Her "O da doo da" day will drive you nuts.
Liz, Butchie, Michael, LaToya and anyone else I missed thank you so much for everything you did to make my vacation so special.
Now I would like to acknowledge and thank some of the Bar staff I felt were outstanding (all were great but again, these are the ones I interacted with the most):
Lincoln: Ya knew you’d be first on this list didn’t ya? What a guy, This man has way too much energy – I saw him almost exclusively at the main bar (they move around) and still cannot believe someone can maintain that level of energy without having a coronary. You’ll love him.
Suz: My darling, thank you for everything – be ready for me jumping up onto that bar for kisses when I return.
Ready: My friend you got the best eyes in town. There wasn’t a time that you didn’t see me finish a beer in the disco without having a fresh one in front of me sometimes before I could put the empty one down.
Ann Marie: I wish we had started our languages lesson swap (your Jamaican Patois for my French). If you’re there in June we’ll get started on it right away.
Andre Super Sonic and MJ: You guys were great (and patient with my demands for "Quick, I need 12 slippery nipples for body shots).
And last but not least, I want you all to know two of the individuals (working mostly behind the scenes) who bring this group of outstanding employees together
Simone Sutherland: Simone is Hedo III Guest Relations Manager. I cannot even begin to describe the incredible job she does. I figure she (and it seemed most of this exceptional group of staff) had 18 hour workdays six and seven days a week – amazing. I could never get to the end of my praise for this woman and so I encourage you to seek her out during your time at Hedo III and see for yourself why we all admire and adore her. A consummate professional and a superb representative for Hedo III.
Kevin Levee: Kevin is the GM at Hedo III. He came to the resort with lots of experience, as he was also the GM over at Hedo II. I had the great pleasure of chatting with him for a short time and believe me he is going to lead Hedo III into the new millenium as one of the worlds great resorts. All the best to you Kevin. Hopefully when we all come back in June you can take some time and allow us to host a dinner for you. I know that all of us would love to hear your war stories from Hedo II – and I’ll bet you have some great ones!
The Guests:
The level of electricity at a resort of this type is almost always the result of the guests. If you have someone like the Goddess Sonia there to be an instigator and all round troublemaker (really Simone, I had nothing to do with any of that stuff) count yourself lucky. Within 30 minutes of arriving the Goddess Sonia took over the nude pool and held court for the next three days. I should mention that she also held court in the disco, the piano bar, the dining rooms, and pretty much any other location on the property you can think of. Unbelievable….(hey Sonia, not sure if you know this or not, but some guests put "bring back Gary and Sonia" on their comment cards after you left – high praise indeed!). Upon the departure of the Goddess Sonia Cindy, Jessica, Dee, Chris and of course me took up the torch left burning by Sonia, placed it at the alter of Hedo III and burnt the damn place down – what a crew! The Dolphins shall not soon be forgotten (I think we carved our names somewhere Simone – maybe check under your desk).
As I mentioned earlier the number of guests that first few days was minor however as time went on the club became busier and busier. I don’t really know what to say about the people I met at Hedo III. I have never experienced a more group of loving, caring, friendly people in my life
Fran and Jim
Al and Mel
T. & B. &C. & B. & P?: My decision still stands - M won fair and square.
Char: Think you might get the same bonus next year?
Sandra and Norman
John and Brenda
George and Carol: Carol, I haven’t laughed so much in years – we gotta get together again – George I hope the "florist" business is brisk!
Suzy Q, Cathy and Monique: Too little time but we all loved you.
Birthday Michael
Grace and David: Our British Journalist friends
Sherrie
Ben and Nancy
Terry and Sherrie: E me, I think we lost your e address
Mr. White Socks – Yes Mr. White Socks even you made my holiday more interesting (but your still creep’n us out)
The Dolphins
Gary and The Goddess Sonia
Kurt and Megan
Bob and Chris
Danny and Jessica
Todd and Cindy
Steve and Dee
One thing you must remember about Hedo III, inasmuch as it is a resort which caters to your every need and that you can experience many of your hedonistic desires, they do have rules (sad but true), and they are VERY serious about those rules. In order to truly enjoy your stay and not inadvertently breaking these rules I have listed the most serious and important ones below.
Da’ Rules
Now I realize these rules may seem somewhat restrictive to many planning a visit to Hedo III so I thought I might let you know some of the best things to do in order to ensure you have a great vacation.
What follows are the questions I heard most often put to staffers. In fact, I heard them asked so many times that it was driving me nuts. By far it was the male guests posing the questions so I hope that I can poke some fun at not only at the Hedo staff, but also at my brother males. Note that I do give the answers so there really is no need for you to ask again while you are at the resort (your cooperation will be appreciated):
Q. "Do you like your job?"
Probable Answer: "Why yes, I LOVE my job."
What I think they should answer: "I’d enjoy it a helluva lot more if I didn’t have to answer this question every five minutes."
Reality Check: Look around you, wadda you think??
Q. "When will it stop raining?"
Probable Answer: "Any minute now."
What I think they should answer: "Trust me, we can still have a whole lotta fun in the rain"
Reality Check: Trust me, you can still have a whole lotta fun in the rain
Q. "Will the sun come out tomorrow?"
Probable Answer: "I’m certain of it."
What I think they should answer: "Who do I look like, Willard Scott?"
Reality Check: The sun comes out everyday ya goof. It’s the clouds you should be asking about!
Asked to the male staffers
Q. Boy, look at all the beautiful women here, you must get laid all the time!
Probable Answer: "Actually, we are not allowed to fraternize with the guests."
What I think they should answer: "Yup."
Reality Check: You figure it out, I couldn’t
Ask to the female staffers
Q. "Boy, look at all the great single men here, you must get laid all the time!"
Probable Answer: "Actually, we are not allowed to fraternize with the guests."
What I think they should answer: "Oh yes, I like to take at least five men a day back to my room. Unfortunately you’re the sixth man I’ve talked to today."
Reality Check: You figure it out, I couldn’t
I hope that what I’ve written here helps some of you to finalize your decision to visit this outstanding resort. If you would like to ask any questions about my experiences please feel free to e me. I would also recommend that you check out Gary and Sonia’s trip reports (they have two posted) and also contact them with questions or concerns. If this, or any other trip report helps you with your decision to try Hedo III please please make sure you submit your own report once you return home. The more experiences posted the better.
During your stay please remember to say hi to all the staff from the "Robert the chocolate man".
Love to all my Dolphins. I have never been more privileged to spend time with a greater group of people and I hope that we can all get together again soon…