Trip Dates 06/30/00 - 07/03/00
The slide is the most unquestionably wicked thing at Hedonism. It seduces otherwise mild mannered people into a voyage of debauchery. My wife and I arrived at Hedo feeling a bit self-conscious, and wondering whether we would have felt more at home going to the Grand Lido. We are both in conservative professions, and while we are both very friendly, we are probably not the most outgoing people in the world. Amazing how one trip down a wet tube can change things.
Build-up for the trip started about three weeks before we left. I would read the message boards and trip reports here at DennyP's to make sure I did not overlook any important preparation. We joined a newsgroup that formed here called "Hedo's Hellians", and traded e-mail with several people in the group. Thanks Rick for the time you put into forming the group! I highly recommend joining one of these groups. There is no pressure to participate once you get there, but it realy helps break the ice to have some people whose names you already know.
The trip there went without a hitch (non-stop charter with sun country) We were pretty wound up and eager to get to the resort, but we started to relax as soon as we were on the bus. The people around us looked pretty normal, some younger than us, some older, some plumper, some thinner. The big thing was that everyone was smiling. There was definitely nothing uncomfortable about the group, and we could have been perfectly happy enjoying dinner with any of them. Getting to the resort helped us relax even more. You come in on the prude side, and during the day it looks like any other high quality resort. The clientele was more American than we have encountered at other all-inclusives such as La Sport, but looked more sophisticated than the crowd you would see at Sandals. I really would not have been embarrassed to sit on the main pool deck with my parents. One note of caution. Forget what you hear about the tile on the pool deck being slippery. The reality is that EVERY horizontal surface at Hedo except the beach is slippery.
We arrived at about 7:00 P.M. on Friday, so as soon as we checked in (a completely painless process), we went up and got ready for dinner. The food was good but not great. Plusses were lots of variety, lots of fresh fruits and vegetables, and nice presentation. Minuses were uninspired deserts and cooked food that tasted a bit institutional. We started to see a little bit of the wicked side of Hedo as the sun went down. Dress was very sexy, but broad smiles kept it from looking sleazy. Other than sexy clothes, the place looked quite subdued, and a bit empty (and this was with the resort fully occupied).
We wandered around the property before deciding the piano bar looked most lively. Groups of men and women alternated getting up on the little horseshoe shaped bar around the piano and dancing, while other groups shared the mic and sang. We were feeling a little lonely as we saw the groups, and started thinking about who we could come with next time. We later found out that no one knew each other before arriving, and they only had the look of life-long friends. I encouraged my wife to get up and dance, but she blushingly reminded me that she was not wearing undergarments. No sooner had she said that than we learned that no body else on the bar had undergarments either. OH-MY-GOD! My wife screamed into her hands as she covered her face. Many giggles later we decided to head to the disco.
We got to the bottom of the stairs just in time to hear a mischievious looking guy with red hair and goatee yell that it was time for everyone to slide naked. He may as well have been the pied piper. Without hesitation everyone in sight was dropping their clothes on the ground and lining up. I have never been naked in front of anyone I wasn’t sleeping with, but here I was bounding up the stairs unencumbered by clothes. That might as well be the end of the story. We were transformed. I had the giddy feeling of a fourteen year old experiencing life as though it were brand new. It felt a little bit naughty and a lot just plain fun.
We hated to break off sliding, but some of my richest fantasies involved the disco. My wife and I donned the naughty nurse and patient costumes my mother-in law had made us for costume night. Two hours later we are dancing in the cage holding the bottle of rum that was the prize for the costume contest,
Call home to mom: “we won the costume contest”.
Mom: “you did wear the bloomers didn’t you?”
Uhhh…
>From the slide we went to the nude hot tub, and I guess our transformation at the slide actually had some limitations. There was a lot of (consensual) groping and “stuff” going on. The bizarre thing was nobody seemed to be enjoying it. My wife was a little grossed out, and we decided we needed a little private party of our own.
The next morning I sailed while my wife slept off her fifteen screaming orgasms. As she washes down the advil she says, “they didn’t even taste like they had any alcohol in them…” The watersports facilities are quite nice, and the only real bummer is that you can’t take the cats out by yourself. The watersports staff is on Jamaican time, which I really don’t mind, but you are often left wondering whether they heard you at all. This stood in marked contrast to the activities staff, who really went out of their way to please. (When we could not find the scheduled body painting, one of the hosts called the front desk. Not getting a satisfactory answer, he sprinted off to find the schedule. We kept on telling him it was no big deal, but he would not let up until the problem was solved. When we finally realized we had looked at the wrong schedule, rather than chide us, he offered to go and get body paints and paint us anyway!)
When my wife arose, we went to the nude pool. Anyone who doesn’t want to hear my soapbox can skip ahead. The nude pool, even for a first-timer, was more natural and less pretentious than the prude pool. Bathing suits have evolved into sophisticated exhibition tools with cantilevers and clever angles designed to enhance or disguise. We felt much more comfortable with our bodies while on the nude side. The hardbodies had some flaws that you would not have seen in their bathing suits, and the soft bodies looked a lot better without straps digging into them. Bottom line: people look more alike naked than dressed. Add to all this that the people were laughing, smiling, talking to each other, and having a great time. Needless to say, we never went back to the prude side.
The people we met on the nude side were fascinating and fun. We got together for dinner, and discussed everything from the cultural costs and benefits of living in a melting pot, to the thrill of dancing on the bar. We showed pictures of our children, while the most perfectly callipygian women I have ever seen showed us an awful bruise tattooed on her flank in a fall from the piano. While the group discussed the abstract notion of changing the world, another couple discussed how they are garnering the courage to change the world one Eastern European orphan at a time. It was not the company or conversation we had expected at Hedonism! Everyone in the group was kind and genuine, and we would be proud to count them as friends.
That night we were back at the nude hot tub. Again, lots of “stuff” going on, but this time with people smiling and laughing. Have I mentioned what a difference a smile makes? The pied piper was handing out rations of silicone based lubricant that stays slippery in water. Soon my wife is on the bar doing body shots with the pied piper’s girlfriend (who looks like Sybil Sheppard”s daughter and wears a constant dazzling smile). I could go on and on but I don’t want to kiss and tell. A game of truth or dare on the beach with the dinner gang (that lasted till 4:00 a.m.) got that giddy adolescent feeling going again.
Normally when we do something a little sexy my wife gets impatient with the way I stay preoccupied afterwards. This trip was really different for us. We talked about the trip for the whole six hours it took to get home, and have talked about it every night in bed. When I get home from work, I find my wife looking at trip reports and pricing our next Hedo vacation. If all goes according to plan, we should be one month pregnant on Halloween, and testing out whether you have to drink to have fun at Hedo. Moral of the story: if you want to go, but are afraid, don’t be. A wide range of people could be comfortable at Hedo. The people sharing the bus with us sure looked sad as they got off at other resorts, and I am pretty sure they were all thinking, “I could have gone to Hedo”!
P.S. Anyone up for Columbus Day or Vet's Day?