Kerry & Alma - May, 2015
Do Not Try This at Vanilla Resorts
We just returned from Club Ambiance and I thought I
would submit a recent Trip Report (May 19 - June 1, 2015) The last one (Feb
2014) helped me ignore the multiple nasty Trip Advisor reports and go ahead
a book Club Ambiance. The Canadian airfare to Jamaica was so ridiculously
expensive by combining airfare and resort cost on Expedia it was like going
to that resort for pennies on the dollar compared to past Jamaica trips.
Being a realist with a big imagination we were totally prepared for a
'luxury camping' experience i.e limited inexpensive alcohol offerings; fresh
basic simple food with little choice offered ( Mama prepared daily Jamaican
home style, chicken, fish, fruit , vegetables, fresh buns, 1 or 2 sugary
baked goods for desert or breakfast); camping type challenging bathroom
facilities ( our friends cheerfully used the lobby bathrooms, I simply
poured a couple jugs of water down the toilet a few times a day and ignored
the sink tap that broke off and appreciated the fact water did not spew
everywhere as had happened in other rooms) . The rooms were however
extremely clean, cheerfully decorated in Caribbean colors, newer comfortable
mattresses, fresh flower petals on the bed, new linens, lots of room to put
our stuff including a huge built in dressing/make up table with huge mirror
and coordinated stool in the standard room. In addition, if one had any
concerns ( our super model type new friends commented that cold showers and
inadequate numbers of towels just weren't going to cut it) a cheerful and
instant upgrade to the 'honey moon suite' was provided. The second story
multiple honeymoon suites had a living and sleeping area and two large
balconies but are best accessed from the wide wooden staircase off the
lobby... I turned down the suite because I am scared of heights and my
husband liked to safely escort the gorgeous tall 27 year old twins to their
room via the exterior winding metal fire escape. I much preferred our room
by the pool, 2 feet outside our large covered patio surrounded by beautiful,
fragrant, flowering hedges I was naked in the pool. Yes the website says
topless only pool and full nudity only on the small nude beach but since
there were only a dozen guests at this 90 room resort ( except for Jamaican
holiday long weekend which packed the place with an additional 75 people for
a few days) with the permission of all the guests ( except for the poor lady
from Florida who I shocked with my naked disco dancing) and all the staff
Club Ambiance became Club Areola ALL NAKED ALL THE TIME... OR NOT !!!! Me
and my young and old partners in crime had the time of our lives topless
drinking and smoking in the open air courtyard by the resorts main Coconut
Bar (only other bar was in the disco and only available with such low
occupancy several times a week 11 pm to 1 or 2 am depending when disco
patrons dwindled from 6 to 2 people). We told our men to keep their pants on
as visually breasts are far superior and more hygenic seated on what also
doubles as a flower strewn beautifully laid group table for out door dining
on request. Total nudity of men (usually that translate to 1 man or woman
alone in the pool with their partners sunbathing nude on the patio outside
their pool side rooms) was of course promoted in the pool. Our ( all 8 of us
guests who soon became fast friends) initial strategy was to 'just strip
down, jump in and see if the staff tell us to put our clothes back on'
however the 'best resort staff in the world' encouraged us to get naked and
stay naked... as no one was complaining !!! The first time I went
'streaking' on a bet that I couldn't get away with it, from the nude beach,
through the bar, the entire length of the 2 acre beach front resort back to
our poolside room I simply told the half dozen staff I met " I lost my
clothes, there are more clothes in my room !" Lots off appreciative giggles
from the staff and I felt like I had become an instant STAR of Club Areola
and opened the way for all of us to get naked whenever and wherever we felt
like. We cheerfully endured 'making our own party, making our OWN GOOD TIME'
with the able and competent assistance of super warm, fun and friendly staff
( Anthony our lifeguard, Philip one of our bartenders, dining room manager,
EC's Omar and Patrona, many lovely and hard working female dining room and
bar staff). An experience of a life time with the delightful feeling of
having our own private resort ( I kept telling the staff I felt like this is
how OPRAH vacations) !!!!!