Walter & May - November, 2012

May and I were at Hedo 2 for from Nov. 7 - Nov. 24 (17 nights, just a short trip this year:) We saw quite a few different groups, including Pin Pals, Kink in the Caribbean, some pole dancers, Love Voo Doo, and Buttcrackers, so we got to see quite a cross-section of guests.
 
The short story is that we had loads of fun, as usual, and will go back again, of course. The only issue is the timing due to our children starting to move out and live all over the country, leading to travel time and budget complications, and also we would sort of like to wait until the new management makes an impact on the resort and then go and evaluate it for ourselves. But nothing is set in stone; we'll get there when we get there, and look forward to it the whole time. 
 
The food was excellent, as usual (we like the food. We just do.) They served whole duck, turkey with stuffing, lobster tails, suckling pigs, whole hams every morning, leg of lamb, roast beef, roast pork, and whole hip of beef with fresh-made Yorkshire pudding, just to name a few of the big ticket items. We also enjoyed the curried goat, curried conch, oxtail, and too many other things to mention. We each gained at least five pounds (which looks really super good on May!). They had a Japanese chef on site who worked at Munasans (really good show from what we could see) and who also put together large sushi platters for some of the dinners.
 
My only comment of the food, which is not a complaint, is that they still haven't taught the staff how to carve meat, and they still have not provided them with proper carving tools. To see the staff trying to carve a hip of beef with a kitchen knife and a table fork, and also not having an understanding of the first concept of a "nice slice of meat" is perplexing. It all tastes great but sometimes process and presentation is important. Such is Hedo!
 
Our first night there we were eating in the main dining hall and a show was being presented by some of the guests. We refer to this as "The Banana Incident". Now, what happens at Hedo stays at Hedo, but I am surprised that is has not been mentioned on the board anyway. No more details!
 
There were other guest-presented shows that week, which were fun and a nice break from the usual (which I am sure that even the EC staff appreciate).
 
May and I love to dance (doesn't mean that we are any good at it) and we were first on the dance floor about 15 night out of 17. The music during "dinner hour" was just the right volume and added a nice atmosphere.
 
When we first arrived and went to our room, we could not get the safe to function. It took three visits by the repair guy over the course of three hours to get it fixed. May insisted on carrying our valuables around with us the whole evening which was a bit of a pain. Such is Hedo!
 
A week or so later the entire control panel came right off the front of the safe. That got fixed in about 45 minutes. May just took the whole thing to the front desk. The repair guy says that he had never seen that before. Yay! We gave them something new!
 
Note - I am going to jump around from one experience to another. No order is implied, or even possible to remember.
 
The Kink group gets the award for the most colourful (yes colourful! That's the correct spelling!) outfits. I am going to have to find out where they get those latex outfits in such bright colours and interesting fittings. I'm sure that they aren't cheap, but May is worth it!
 
Single guys weren't too much of an issue. Only one was enough of a tool to spoil an interesting encounter for us. Guys, remember, four people is good, five people is bad. Go away! He wouldn't, so we had to. Darned shame.
 
I went for some drinks one morning and by the time I got back a different single guy had parked himself on the end of May's lounger and was engaging her in conversation. "Can I not leave you alone for five minutes?!" I shout, and May laughs. He turned out to be a really nice guy, and I have to acknowledge the guy's guts in making an approach, and his character in not being rude or creepy about it. We had a really nice chat with him until some other friends came and sat down. We were on our last day so that was the last we saw of him.
 
We met some really fun new people, and re-met a lot of really fun people that we had met before. May was complaining on the second day about her face and jaw being sore. I told her that it was from smiling so much (I know what you are all thinking! Shame on you!), and that was the truth of the matter. That's why we keep going back. People.
 
Love Voo Doo brought a number of extra-curricular activities with them, one of which was the giant transparent ball into which they zip you, inflate it, and then tip the whole mess into the pool. May and I were the first couple that got in together, and after a few minutes of the usual trying to stand upright in the thing (frictionless environment) they shouted at us to simulate sexual positions. Well. What happens at Hedo stays at Hedo, but a lot of people, us included, suffered from the pains of smiling and laughing too much after that little episode. Simulation indeed... They finally hauled us out of there, exhausted, and then put two ladies into it. But I've said too much already...
 
Another interesting pool activity was the addition of ping pong balls. I didn't even know what was going on until one floated near me. I picked it up and noticed that there is writing on it. Not just writing, but more of a suggestion, a suggestion that involves at least two people. Well, what happens at Hedo stays at Hedo, but I think between the two of us May and I worked our way through all of the balls (ping pong balls that is). That was a fun time! Suggestions indeed. Next time we're going to bring our own ping pong balls with our own suggestions. "Find a guy named Walter and ..." I mean, how many Walters can there be at Hedo at any one time? Wheeeee!
 
Folks, I can't stress this enough. Check your rear end after you leave the bathroom. Please.
 
Some groups were not at all interested in participating in games or activities, to the point that one day for lunch, May and I won the lunchtime spin because we were the only ones to volunteer for it. And one evening, only one girl went on stage to show off her theme-wear. She was shy about it so May went up there with her to keep her company (May is almost always hauled on stage by the ECs, but this one night she wanted just to sit and watch, but it wasn't to be). Dozens and dozens of beautiful women on hand and only two on stage? Yes, I understand that you ladies are not there to be paraded about and ogled, but ladies, you are all so indescribably beautiful that going up on stage just gives us men an opportunity to applaud you and show our appreciation for coming to Hedo with us.
 
Glow night was fun. May shared her glow sticks with a new girlfriend and the four of us had fun engineering some dance-wear for the ladies. The men were allocated one glow stick each for our outfits, so I'll leave it to your imaginations to figure out what we did with them. Anyway, we got the ladies all dressed up, and took some pictures, and then, tragically, the outfits somehow flew all to pieces and ended up all over the room and we had to spend another 45 minutes rebuilding them. The ladies looked spectacular at the party on the main pool deck when we finally got there.
 
After six trips, May was finally enticed to dance on the piano. Everyone seemed to enjoy it, judging by the screaming and clapping. She was just reaching under her skirt for her panties when the piano player finished the song. I guess he was paying too much attention to song structure and not enough to the developing situation. But he's new. He'll learn. 
 
The staff were all great and hardworking, again as usual. There was the occasional time when they would run out of a particular liquor, and the awarding of Hedo-bucks was inconsistent at best, but somehow we always managed to get drunk, and we still came away with three shirts and two insulated travel mugs from the bucks. One afternoon near the end of the day at Delroy's I ordered a drink. "Delroy, may I have a Coruba and coke please?"
 
He looks around "No Coruba mon."
 
"How about a Myer's and coke?"
 
He walks around the bar "No Myer's mon."
 
"Appleton reserve?"
 
Shakes his head.
 
"Delroy, may I have a beer please?"
 
"Yeah mon!"
 
"Better make it two!" Everybody laughed, especially Delroy.

 

Here's a great quote: "May has achieved the impossible!" No more details!

  
Another funny story, not a criticism, one night we were at the main bar and the bartender asks us what we want. "Two Tanqueray and tonic please!"
 
"Yeah mon."
 
Well, we wait, and we wait. This is not unusual, but we are pretty much the only ones there. Then we see our bartender leaving. Well, maybe he ran out of Tanqueray and has gone to get another bottle from somewhere. We wait about five minutes, then ten. May is near naked, so the wait sits lightly upon me. Eventually the bartender returns, does some bar chores and then comes over and says "Want do you want, mon?"
 
"Two Tanqueray and tonic please!"
 
He looks at us like he's been hit across the head with a baseball bat. It would have been comical except that he is mortified. We're smiling, genuinely, but he is completely non-plussed. He utters a long stream of patois as he puts our drinks together. I can't understand patois, but I can understand human nature. He is angry at himself for forgetting about us, and also a little scared that we are upset. He sets our drink before us and apologizes profusely. We assure him that we are not in any way upset (and we're not. We've had too many good experiences while waiting for drinks at Hedo to be upset about it. We consider the wait for a drink to be an opportunity to make a new friend who is also waiting. That didn't happed this time, but, once again, I was with a near naked lady, so no problem). It did make me wonder though, about what they must suffer at the hands of some less patient guests, and how a single incident may affect their job status if it comes to the supervisor's attention. Hmmmmm.

 

One afternoon May and I experienced simultaneous orgasms, it's just that we were... Ow! May just punched me! No more details about that either, apparently.

 

Our biggest disappointment of the trip? Well we really, really enjoy the Jamaican patties that they set out before lunch down at the nude grill. They are just great for bridging that long gap between second breakfast and first lunch. So every morning we keep an eye out and are usually able to snag a couple before the hordes clean them all out. This one particular morning the patties are a little late coming out and we are starving and then there they are! I race over and grab a couple and bring them back to May and we both bite into them expecting that beefy spicy burst...

 

What

 

the

 

Hell?!

Why do they taste so different, and crappy, today? So I ask out loud "Why do they taste so different, and crappy, today?"

 

Someone looks at my patty and says "That one has a green dot on it. That means that it's vegetarian."

 

Dear God! What is this place coming to? I hate to throw away food, but there is no way that I am eating this fraudulent patty. Blech! Fortunately one of the ECs wanted it, and I went to the bar to rinse the taste out of my mouth with beer. For the rest of the trip I had to examine my patties very closely before I would bite into one. As complaints go, I guess that doesn't amount to much, which for those who missed the point, is the point.

We didn't get to play as much volleyball as we usually like to, but there was one game that made up for it. There was more brushing of sand off of naked bodies than there was bumping and spiking, and no-one was complaining. What was the score? That all depends on how you want to measure it...

One night another one of our new friends lent May her blonde wig (May has naturally black hair, so the change was dramatic, and unsettling). As we made the rounds of the dining room that night I think that a number of guests suffered neck injuries doing double-takes as May walked by. They all recognized May's bum peeking out from under yet another mini skirt, but they couldn't rationalize it with the blonde hair. I think May enjoyed the little bit of stir she caused. Later that night back at our room she insisted on wearing it while I Ow! Stop hitting me! Sigh... No more details.
 
I suppose that I had best not tell anyone about the "Asian Invasion" in the hot tub either? Nope. May is glaring at me. What happens at Hedo... Can't I even mention the six Asian nipples in a row? No? No! Sorry folks.

 

Well, that's all that I can dredge up from rum-sodden recesses of my memory. Hedo is Hedo. We had fun. We love all of the people we meet, new and old. And we'll be going back.

 

See you on the beach!

 

Walter (and May).