Walter & May - November, 2012
May
and I were at Hedo 2 for from Nov. 7 - Nov. 24 (17 nights, just a short
trip this year:) We saw quite a few different groups, including Pin
Pals, Kink in the Caribbean, some pole dancers, Love Voo Doo, and
Buttcrackers, so we got to see quite a cross-section of guests.
The short story is that we had loads of fun, as usual, and will go back
again, of course. The only issue is the timing due to our children
starting to move out and live all over the country, leading to travel
time and budget complications, and also we would sort of like to wait
until the new management makes an impact on the resort and then go and
evaluate it for ourselves. But nothing is set in stone; we'll get there
when we get there, and look forward to it the whole time.
The food was excellent, as usual (we like the food. We just do.) They
served whole duck, turkey with stuffing, lobster tails, suckling pigs,
whole hams every morning, leg of lamb, roast beef, roast pork, and whole
hip of beef with fresh-made Yorkshire pudding, just to name a few of the
big ticket items. We also enjoyed the curried goat, curried conch,
oxtail, and too many other things to mention. We each gained at least
five pounds (which looks really super good on May!). They had a Japanese
chef on site who worked at Munasans (really good show from what we could
see) and who also put together large sushi platters for some of the
dinners.
My only comment of the food, which is not a complaint, is that they
still haven't taught the staff how to carve meat, and they still have
not provided them with proper carving tools. To see the staff trying to
carve a hip of beef with a kitchen knife and a table fork, and also not
having an understanding of the first concept of a "nice slice of meat"
is perplexing. It all tastes great but sometimes process and
presentation is important. Such is Hedo!
Our first night there we were eating in the main dining hall and a show
was being presented by some of the guests. We refer to this as "The
Banana Incident". Now, what happens at Hedo stays at Hedo, but I am
surprised that is has not been mentioned on the board anyway. No more
details!
There were other guest-presented shows that week, which were fun and a
nice break from the usual (which I am sure that even the EC staff
appreciate).
May and I love to dance (doesn't mean that we are any good at it) and we
were first on the dance floor about 15 night out of 17. The music during
"dinner hour" was just the right volume and added a nice atmosphere.
When we first arrived and went to our room, we could not get the safe to
function. It took three visits by the repair guy over the course of
three hours to get it fixed. May insisted on carrying our valuables
around with us the whole evening which was a bit of a pain. Such is
Hedo!
A week or so later the entire control panel came right off the front of
the safe. That got fixed in about 45 minutes. May just took the whole
thing to the front desk. The repair guy says that he had never seen that
before. Yay! We gave them something new!
Note - I am going to jump around from one experience to another. No
order is implied, or even possible to remember.
The Kink group gets the award for the most colourful (yes colourful!
That's the correct spelling!) outfits. I am going to have to find out
where they get those latex outfits in such bright colours and
interesting fittings. I'm sure that they aren't cheap, but May is worth
it!
Single guys weren't too much of an issue. Only one was enough of a tool
to spoil an interesting encounter for us. Guys, remember, four people is
good, five people is bad. Go away! He wouldn't, so we had to. Darned
shame.
I went for some drinks one morning and by the time I got back a
different single guy had parked himself on the end of May's lounger and
was engaging her in conversation. "Can I not leave you alone for five
minutes?!" I shout, and May laughs. He turned out to be a really nice
guy, and I have to acknowledge the guy's guts in making an approach, and
his character in not being rude or creepy about it. We had a really nice
chat with him until some other friends came and sat down. We were on our
last day so that was the last we saw of him.
We met some really fun new people, and re-met a lot of really fun people
that we had met before. May was complaining on the second day about her
face and jaw being sore. I told her that it was from smiling so much (I
know what you are all thinking! Shame on you!), and that was the truth
of the matter. That's why we keep going back. People.
Love Voo Doo brought a number of extra-curricular activities with them,
one of which was the giant transparent ball into which they zip you,
inflate it, and then tip the whole mess into the pool. May and I were
the first couple that got in together, and after a few minutes of the
usual trying to stand upright in the thing (frictionless environment)
they shouted at us to simulate sexual positions. Well. What happens at
Hedo stays at Hedo, but a lot of people, us included, suffered from the
pains of smiling and laughing too much after that little episode.
Simulation indeed... They finally hauled us out of there, exhausted, and
then put two ladies into it. But I've said too much already...
Another interesting pool activity was the addition of ping pong balls. I
didn't even know what was going on until one floated near me. I picked
it up and noticed that there is writing on it. Not just writing, but
more of a suggestion, a suggestion that involves at least two people.
Well, what happens at Hedo stays at Hedo, but I think between the two of
us May and I worked our way through all of the balls (ping pong balls
that is). That was a fun time! Suggestions indeed. Next time we're going
to bring our own ping pong balls with our own suggestions. "Find a guy
named Walter and ..." I mean, how many Walters can there be at Hedo at
any one time? Wheeeee!
Folks, I can't stress this enough. Check your rear end after you leave
the bathroom. Please.
Some groups were not at all interested in participating in games or
activities, to the point that one day for lunch, May and I won the
lunchtime spin because we were the only ones to volunteer for it. And
one evening, only one girl went on stage to show off her theme-wear. She
was shy about it so May went up there with her to keep her company (May
is almost always hauled on stage by the ECs, but this one night she
wanted just to sit and watch, but it wasn't to be). Dozens and dozens of
beautiful women on hand and only two on stage? Yes, I understand that
you ladies are not there to be paraded about and ogled, but ladies, you
are all so indescribably beautiful that going up on stage just gives us
men an opportunity to applaud you and show our appreciation for coming
to Hedo with us.
Glow night was fun. May shared her glow sticks with a new girlfriend and
the four of us had fun engineering some dance-wear for the ladies. The
men were allocated one glow stick each for our outfits, so I'll leave it
to your imaginations to figure out what we did with them. Anyway, we got
the ladies all dressed up, and took some pictures, and then, tragically,
the outfits somehow flew all to pieces and ended up all over the room
and we had to spend another 45 minutes rebuilding them. The ladies
looked spectacular at the party on the main pool deck when we finally
got there.
After six trips, May was finally enticed to dance on the piano. Everyone
seemed to enjoy it, judging by the screaming and clapping. She was just
reaching under her skirt for her panties when the piano player finished
the song. I guess he was paying too much attention to song structure and
not enough to the developing situation. But he's new. He'll learn.
The staff were all great and hardworking, again as usual. There was the
occasional time when they would run out of a particular liquor, and the
awarding of Hedo-bucks was inconsistent at best, but somehow we always
managed to get drunk, and we still came away with three shirts and two
insulated travel mugs from the bucks. One afternoon near the end of the
day at Delroy's I ordered a drink. "Delroy, may I have a Coruba and coke
please?"
He looks around "No Coruba mon."
"How about a Myer's and coke?"
He walks around the bar "No Myer's mon."
"Appleton reserve?"
Shakes his head.
"Delroy, may I have a beer please?"
"Yeah mon!"
"Better make it two!" Everybody laughed, especially Delroy.
Here's
a great quote: "May has achieved the impossible!" No more details!
Another funny story, not a criticism, one night we were at the main bar
and the bartender asks us what we want. "Two Tanqueray and tonic
please!"
"Yeah mon."
Well, we wait, and we wait. This is not unusual, but we are pretty much
the only ones there. Then we see our bartender leaving. Well, maybe he
ran out of Tanqueray and has gone to get another bottle from somewhere.
We wait about five minutes, then ten. May is near naked, so the wait
sits lightly upon me. Eventually the bartender returns, does some bar
chores and then comes over and says "Want do you want, mon?"
"Two Tanqueray and tonic please!"
He looks at us like he's been hit across the head with a baseball bat.
It would have been comical except that he is mortified. We're smiling,
genuinely, but he is completely non-plussed. He utters a long stream of
patois as he puts our drinks together. I can't understand patois, but I
can understand human nature. He is angry at himself for forgetting about
us, and also a little scared that we are upset. He sets our drink before
us and apologizes profusely. We assure him that we are not in any way
upset (and we're not. We've had too many good experiences while waiting
for drinks at Hedo to be upset about it. We consider the wait for a
drink to be an opportunity to make a new friend who is also waiting.
That didn't happed this time, but, once again, I was with a near naked
lady, so no problem). It did make me wonder though, about what they must
suffer at the hands of some less patient guests, and how a single
incident may affect their job status if it comes to the supervisor's
attention. Hmmmmm.
One
afternoon May and I experienced simultaneous orgasms, it's just that we
were... Ow! May just punched me! No more details about that either,
apparently.
Our
biggest disappointment of the trip? Well we really, really enjoy the
Jamaican patties that they set out before lunch down at the nude grill.
They are just great for bridging that long gap between second breakfast
and first lunch. So every morning we keep an eye out and are usually
able to snag a couple before the hordes clean them all out. This one
particular morning the patties are a little late coming out and we are
starving and then there they are! I race over and grab a couple and
bring them back to May and we both bite into them expecting that beefy
spicy burst...
What
the
Hell?!
Why do
they taste so different, and crappy, today? So I ask out loud "Why do
they taste so different, and crappy, today?"
Someone looks at my patty and says "That one has a green dot on it. That
means that it's vegetarian."
Dear
God! What is this place coming to? I hate to throw away food, but there
is no way that I am eating this fraudulent patty. Blech! Fortunately one
of the ECs wanted it, and I went to the bar to rinse the taste out of my
mouth with beer. For the rest of the trip I had to examine my patties
very closely before I would bite into one. As complaints go, I guess
that doesn't amount to much, which for those who missed the point, is
the point.
We
didn't get to play as much volleyball as we usually like to, but there
was one game that made up for it. There was more brushing of sand off of
naked bodies than there was bumping and spiking, and no-one was
complaining. What was the score? That all depends on how you want to
measure it...
One
night another one of our new friends lent May her blonde wig (May has
naturally black hair, so the change was dramatic, and unsettling). As we
made the rounds of the dining room that night I think that a number of
guests suffered neck injuries doing double-takes as May walked by. They
all recognized May's bum peeking out from under yet another mini skirt,
but they couldn't rationalize it with the blonde hair. I think May
enjoyed the little bit of stir she caused. Later that night back at our
room she insisted on wearing it while I Ow! Stop hitting me! Sigh... No
more details.
I suppose that I had best not tell anyone about the "Asian Invasion" in
the hot tub either? Nope. May is glaring at me. What happens at Hedo...
Can't I even mention the six Asian nipples in a row? No? No! Sorry
folks.
Well,
that's all that I can dredge up from rum-sodden recesses of my memory.
Hedo is Hedo. We had fun. We love all of the people we meet, new and
old. And we'll be going back.
See
you on the beach!