Doug - November, 2013

HEDONISM II – November 22 – December 2, 2013
 

Arrival in MoBay at 11:30. As expected, the immigration lines stretched all the way back into the ramped corridor. 45 minutes to clear through.

 

Once through immigration on your way to the baggage area there is a new duty free shop for ARRIVING passengers. It’s not so much a “store” but more of a glorified newsstand where you can purchase liquor and tobacco products if you didn’t want to bring stuff down for fear of breakage or to just get a good price. I took advantage of it.

 

Customs was “no problem”.

 

It was odd seeing the SuperClubs reception area boarded up. Now, as soon as you enter the area you are directed to your transport carrier dependent on hotel if you have a voucher. No voucher, pick your own transport. TimAir did not have a lot of customers that I saw all week. Few people using the service as it’s pretty expensive.

 

Typical ride to Hedo. Had a few newbies that wanted a restroom break and we took one – 3 miles from the hotel. WTF?

 

Pulled in the driveway expecting to see the new changes. Hedonism II shrubbery has been replaced out front. Bright yellow bushes. Looks nice.

The parrot/"mothership" over the conversation pit in the lobby is gone. There is now a wooden barrel dispenser full of rum punch when you arrive as opposed to the mimosas of old.

Check-in is being sped up with guests being given clipboards in the pit area to finish up the process. An improvement so far. Several guests reported problems checking in because of comp dyas and other issues not showing up in their reservations. HAVE ALL OF YOUR PAPERWORK !!

Dining room has been repainted. The Easter colors are gone (well, pretty much, they missed a few pieces of trim that still have the green). The columns are beige, like everything else at Hedo (LOL) and the tops are a deep chocolate brown. Stage is still black; etc. as is the main bar.

Exterior of the buildings, particularly on the nude beach, appear either power-washed or repainted to remove the drainage stains. Still same ugly beige. Black paint remains. Sad to say the beautiful rooms doors that were returned to their original natural finish are again being painted BLACK! Yuk! Most other areas of the pool deck have been repainted a creamy beige.

 

The yellow Hedonism trash cans have been replaced with 30 gallon dark green plastic cans with ashtrays built in. Speaking of ashtrays, since smoking is not permitted in the rooms, the hotel should consider installing clamshell aluminum ashtrays on the columns near all of the rooms so that guests don’t discard their smokes on the ground.

Hot tub at main pool deck out of order all week. Main pool seemed “nude” all week.

 

Grounds staff still doing impeccable work of raking, trimming; etc.

A new massage hut was constructed in front of the massage shack. It's the same thing as a bed hut, but has a thatched palm roof. It sits 15 feet from the water, under the trees. One good storm and it will be the new swim platform. The workers told me a second hut was to be constructed on the nude beach but they hadn't been told where it was being built yet.

One side of the massage shack has been converted into a "mini-boutique/sundry shop". You can buy hats, sunscreen, snacks and even sex toys during the day.

New patio jacuzzi rooms and upper deck balconies are completed. STacked upon each other, it either looks like a block of prison cells or the set of Hollywood Squares.

To make way for the jacuzzi patio on one room, the rock wall shower next to the massage shack had to be removed. The walkiway that used to cut through there near that shower is now funneled-down to a one foot square opening you may be able to “squeeze” through.

Nude grill. Menu now posted on outside sign next to the serving window. Newest addition, other than grilled fish, are quesadillas. Actually, more like toasted "wraps" that you can customize to your liking. They have regular and spinach tortilla options. Coffee and tea service available daily. Slush drink dispensers STILL not labeled as to contents ANYWHERE. Is this really so hard to do? C’mon.

 

Taller plastic cups now being used. No throw-aways seen.

Instead of the "barn doors" in the front of the grill, they have changed them to a hinged lift-up opening to provide a canopy over the front. Sadly, every time it rains, the water splashes back into the grill from the run-off.

All palm trees on the point have been removed! Apparently, a frond (sp) snapped off of one and cut a woman severely so they've all been removed. The worthless lifeguard platform remains. There are NUMEROUS hand-painted signs reminding everyone of the NO PHOTOGRAPHY rule.

Chaise lounges and small tables in reasonable supply. They do need more of the conventional plastic chairs for sitting at the umbrella tables for lunch. There seems to be an adequate supply of umbrellas to meet the need right now. Some folks seem to think they “own” an umbrella. One day the ocean was too rough to sit in. Our group decided to create a new location for “Dick’s Café”. Dick’s is just a plastic table and umbrella that sits in the water with some chairs for conversation. We moved one of the concrete bases and umbrella into the cold Jacuzzi. It was wonderful….until, one guest said we took HIS umbrella and had it removed. Thanks pal!

Delroy's Bar. Not much has changed there. It was apparent that the ceiling area and the license plates, etc. have been cleaned so you can read them. There is a mandate/request from the hotel that the green support columns be kept clean of stickers, etc. We were told in April that a new Bose sound sytem was to be installed on the nude beach. It's not there. It's the same old "iPod on a stick" with one speaker up on the pool deck. It was pretty loud many days and whoever was in the direct path of it got blasted. I wish they would go back to a multiple speaker system in the rafters and the “rock” speakers along the sand and hot tub area as was done years ago. No self-serve beer taps near the hot tub. Too much employee abuse so you wait in line at the bar. Self-serve soft drink dispensers and a large ice machine are there for your use. Ting was in shortage for a few days. More premium liquor at ALL bars. Delroy’s and the Beach Grill need serious repair work with regard to paint and mold removal. Gutters were clogged with vegetation and were moldy and falling off the building.

Hot tub. Aluminum ladder steps with handrails in place on two entry points. Cubby-hole storage area installed on rock wall nearby for personal items. The mural on the building wall is severely faded. Wood carvings are being added around that area and around the soda dispensers. We’re running out of room everywhere else !!!

New dive boat. Well, it's not "new" and it's not functional. It's an OLD boat with a paint job. It's poorly designed for scuba and the engines aren't sufficient for it. The boat lifts out of the water in the stern and the engines can't stay down in the water. Divers had to sit on the stern in a "pack" to add weight. My buddy Marty commented, "it's no wonder speed is measured in knots" becuase we're KNOT going anywhere very quickly". We used it 3 times last week. The steering went out on the main boat one day and the divemasters had to manually hold the engines and turn them to steer. Funny. There are no racks to hold the tanks and one day the swells were so bad that tanks were falling over risking stem breakage. The upside is that the rear ladder has grabrails on the boat making getting back on board MUCH easier than the main boat. Not much of a trade-off. New engines were discussed as well as suggesting that another boat designed for scuba could be bought “used” for about the same cost as new engines. Dives were PACKED every day and a third dive was added daily during the first part of my trip. We estimated over 20% of the guests were certified divers and noticed many more taking the Open Water class at the resort. Lionfish kills were conducted daily with an overage of 30-40 taken every morning. Big shout out to Will and Diane for their efforts in this area and for education other divers. Our daily catches were given to the locals for food. They love it. Hedo is now the ONLY resort in the area to run its own dive program – and it’s still free. The other resorts are “farming it out” to private companies and charging the guests. Take a moment and fill out an online guest comment card requesting the free scuba program continue. It will take you less than 2 minutes if you ignore all the other questions and go right to the comment section.

 

Diving was only canceled one day due to high seas but I was still able to hit my goal of 100 career dives on this trip. Got 101 as well. Lobster, carb and eel sightings were quite prominent this trip as well as 2 large nurse sharks on my dives. Reef starting to come back.

Food. Much improved. Nice new choices and creativity. They served a wonderful chicken lo mein and a curry beef stew that was amazing. Austin is now the new egg chef in the morning. He’s cordial and funny and has the amazing knack to remember  almost EVERY guests order from the day before. Wow.

Eggs are still made to order. New saute/skillet pans were seen. Beef Wellington was served twice which was very good.

Martino's still pretty good, although I think they've downsized the portions. There is an ala carte menu now where you can get certain entrees, like a NY strip steak/seafood for an extra charge. Average price for optional entree - around $10-$20 dollars.

Wines. Large selection. There are notebooks scattered about the bars and other places listing the wines and their prices. It's reather extensive - and pricey. Instead of going to the wine counter, you give your selection to your server and they bring it back to your table.

Lifestyle boutique. Pretty much the same as you remember except now there is a LARGE selection of sex toys/bondage sheets/restraints, etc. 3 different syles of b**t plugs. LOL!

Water. Major problems still exist. There were two main pipe ruptures during our stay. One occured around midnight on "H" block that had so much force it sounded like a bomb went off and had guests running out of their rooms. Water temps were a constant problem with either too hot or no hot in many rooms.

Air conditioning problems reported all week.

New room renovations. Some of the new rooms were open 24 hours a day for inspection. Overall impression by most folks was "underwhelming, poorly designed and WAY overpriced".

The new shower drains were installed over the level of the tile which resulted in floor flooding. The is no "lip" around the bottom of the shower so it's just part of the common floor. Glass walls are clear glass, at least right now. We heard they are going to "frost" them for privacy but who knows. Your "business" is available for viewing. The "power-flush" toilets that we're used to have been replaced with conventional toilets like you have in your home. I see problems there. Hedo really needs to bring in PROFESSIONAL contractors to do the plumbing, carpentry, A/C etc. The Jamaicans seem amateurish at best with these tasks but could learn from experienced and licensed pros.

Closet space has been cut in HALF for hanging items up. The other side is shelved storage for items and the safe. Makes no sense. They've built a "bookcase" into the wall by the sliders for storage. Dumb. Credenza has 3 drawers instead of 6. Other side is for the mini-fridge. The new credenzas are deeper in size and there is only about 18 inches of space between it and the bed. All wood work is dark mahogany. Nightstands are "stools" instead of tables. There is no place for any guest to sit as the window seats are gone. The mirror over the credenza is a mural of cut glass wedges like a carnival fun house. Totally worthless for any grooming or dressing needs. New ceiling mirrors equipped with neon lighting with adjustable color and flash patterns. Same goes with the new artwork installed above the headboard. The new artwork is a HUGE framed picture of a nude woman reclining over the side of a wooden rowboat on a lake in sepia colors. There is a floor length mirror on the closet door but the lighting there isn’t very good.

Lighting controls next to the bed to control everything require a PhD or 10-day visit to figure out. At night, the rooms looked more like the disco than an accomodation.

Piano bar. There was a putrid smell in the place all week. I saw staff with little water bottles of industrial deodorant splashing it all around the baseboards to cover it up. No one seems to know the source of it. Some staff suspected it was the carpeting but I've smelled the same thing before at the main bar and in the disco. All of the walls are painted BRIGHT red now and the furnitureupholstered in vinyl to match with a few more armchairs. The walls are decorated with large black and white movie star posters from the 50's and 60's. WTF ? They've also added 2 or 3 vinyl BEDS there as well. According to staff, they've been "utilized" already. Enough said about that. All collages and awards have been removed from the walls in the game room. We were told they are in storage until a suitable place can be found to put them back up. I hope so. More outside seating is still needed as well as chair pads for the wrought iron chairs. Pad-stealing nightly is still required. Eldon seems to be the main bartender. Same old songs and dance nightly

Kamar continues to do a nice job nightly and the place was packed every night.

Showtime. Still too f**king loud. Most shows are done by the EC’s.

Older rooms. They have stopped the "new" room construction right now at 36. Word has it that they weren't selling and they also had to re-think the current interior structural layout of each one. Older rooms will be spruced-up with new paint and curtains. I saw some some of the standard credenzas being hauled back to rooms on carts with what appeared to be a new paint job, all white. All room phones don't work. They're converting to fiber optic cable and a VOIP system. Sadly, they dug up/cut through one of the new cables and it all has to be replaced.

IMHO, all of the "great changes" we were expecting to see after our April trip have been minimal, although slowly prgressing in a small way. I think that other than the food, the priority has been placed on room renovation while the infrastructure (water, AC, etc) has been given a back seat. My knee-jerk opinion is that the hotel is going for a more heavily-influenced “LifeStyle” look and feel.

 

Staff. I think the furor over the firings of the Spring has settled. Service at all levels is improving, especially in the dining room. Notables that remain:  Delroy, Scumba, Sheldon, Eldon, Paulette, Ricky, Alecia, Michelle, Marlene, Pauline Bell, Jeffrey and my favorite manager – Michael Asemota. Michael is the “get stuff done guy” on the night shift. Problem? SOLUTION!

 

Agustus is relegated to the prude beach again. Bad boy again.

 

We had a DJ brought in by Tom’s Trips who entertained poolside for a few days from 2-4. Mark was professional and  took requests.  One night in the piano bar he ran an X-rated Newlywed Game and an X-rated Family Feud, complete with buzzers. Nicely done and well received.

I took the liberty of bringing my iPod down for sunset and plugging into the “pillar”. For those that remember the old classical music at sundown, I updated a bit by playing the last 4 tracks on Dark Side of The Moon timed to the sunset. We had a few beauties while there. One night people just sat in awe and sang along to Pink Floyd. Pretty cool.

Housekeeping needs to pay more attention to the nude beach restrooms. They get pretty mucky all too often. One male guest decided to leave a “deposit” on the stall floor and it took 2 hours to get someone with a mop! I told one of the pool guys and he told me that I would have to tell housekeeping. I told him that HE had to tell them – I’m not leaving the pool.

 

Pub Crawls. The “One Love Pub Crawl” is a must-do for all Hedo guests. The front desk can coordinate it for you. There’s a 19 passenger bus with flat screen TV run by Lembert – a local guy. The crawls last 3-5 hours, depending on how long you want to go out. 15 minutes at each bar then back on the bus. This is the REAL Jamaica. You’ll probably get hassled by the locals to buy stuff and you have to deal with it your own way. One place we went was the house of the Justice of the Peace. She sets up a bar and snacks in her kitchen/living room and you get to sit in her yard watching the locals and the neighborhood. Nice! There is NO CHARGE for the crawl – but a nice tip is very much in order.

 

Dining out. Several of us went to my favorite place on one – Kuyaba. I highly recommend it as well as many other restaurants along the road. One off-property meal weekly is my new credo.

 

Other stuff. Heard the “no sunshine” guarantee is no longer in effect.

 

Towels were in short supply several times a day at several locations.

 

New umbrellas in your closet for rainy days. They have the Hedo logo on them. PLEASE DON’T STEAL THEM. Show some respect please.

 

Security is like night and day. We encountered a guest of middle-age who refused to take his boxer shorts off. We called him Krusty the Klown because he wore the same shorts EVERY DAY !! Despite our attempts to have him removed, security just stalled on it. He came close to a physical confrontation one evening. The next morning he was one the beach taking photos of the nude women – including the wife of one of our group. He was whisked away to the front desk and the contents of his camera erased, then escorted to his bus. Good riddance! Other days, you couldn’t have a thong, a t-shirt or – hell – anything below your neck. One woman had surgical scars one her abdomen that were still in bandages down to her crotch  where she wore the tiniest of g-strings. She was told –“take it off”.

 

Ridiculous.

 

I was approached by a Guardsman on my way back to the room one night and was flat-out asked to give him Christmas money !?!?!?! I reported it immediately and I believe he was fired on the spot.

 

Another of our group had his iPhone slolen from his room and we had to brainstorm a way to track it and shut it down. Lock up your stuff !!!!!

 

No more eviction notices !! You alone are responsible for knowing when to leave. Your bus will depart 4 hours before your flight. Some foilks opted to go 5 hours before their flight so they could spend their time shopping or at Club MoBay.

 

US Airways does EVERYTHING through the kiosk system now. Be aware.

 

Club MoBay. I’m not a shill for them but it is WONDERFUL. For $30 online or $35 booked by the hotel, you have a very large and spacious area to relax before your flight. Once you check your bags you are expedited through immigration and screening. If you smoke, you get a free “pass” into the Vibe smoking lounge as opposed to having to buy a drink there. Open bar, sandwiches, bruschetta, soup, snacks, flat screens, an internet café with desktop and free WiFi, showers, a massage area. You can’t beat it for the price. Cost is per person. ClubMoBay.com

 

All in all, I had another pleasant trip (#44). I’ll be back, but not so much with great anticipation of major improvements. The disappointment is too much to bear.

 

Big shout-outs to the entire Hedo staff for trying their best. I tried to talk to Kevin Levee but he didn’t seem interested in speaking with many of the guests. Lorna Brammer. She busts her hump to get things right and probably logs 3 miles a day walking around. Donna Grant. Welcome home! The entire Butt Crack crew of malcontents. We are family. Doc for his organizing of the specialty days, Will and Diane of REEF for their excellence in helping the watersports dept. The watersports team. Never a question you guys are the best. Our new head chef for his much improved meals. Denva in Martino’s – pure class.

Bart and Andrea of Go Classy Tours. Always the best – and always Go Classy !!

 

April soon come. Until then……..

 

Doug (aka Hedodude)

 

 

If you have a specific question other than this, post it and I'll try to answer. Time to do the Hedo laundry....