It had been 18 years since my last visit to Jamaica and Hedonism II, so after I had enough of Vegas and Orlando, I decided that this was where I would take this year’s vacation. My other vacation week was wiped out by federal jury duty, but that’s what paid for the trip! This would be my third visit there, although the first time was when it was still Negril Beach Village, back in the days when you had to buy the plastic shark’s teeth to get your drinks.
So, for Hedo vets and virgins alike, come along on my trip to visit an old friend. But get some sleep, it’s an early start. And, at the request of Wendy from Pennsylvania, I’ve done some editing. I always pay attention to girls with great giggles!
Monday 11/8-After running around all weekend and fighting a cold, I greet the limo at 4AM. (I’m a part-time DJ, I’m used to the hour.) Air Jamaica gets me from Newark (EWR) to Montego Bay by noon. Unfortunately, a lot of flights have arrived at the same time, so immigration was a nightmare, with five lines back to the wall. It took so long, that I had trouble finding my luggage. Then it was on to the bus ride from Hell. With Island Mon at the wheel. The last time I was here, they were using old school buses, so the newer vans were a surprise. My best description of the ride would be this: picture the chase scene in "Dr. No" where Bond is being chased by the hearse. Now, add the livestock and take out the small towns, and you’ve got it. I hope the new highway will be worth it. Got to Hedo at 3’oclock, and was offered a room on the nude side. Uh, okay! Got to my room within minutes, unpacked clothes and CD’s, and took a quick walking tour to get reacquainted. Got my first live look at the nude hot tub and pool area and settled in there the rest of the afternoon. Went to dinner and basically crashed after that.
Tuesday 11/9-Hit breakfast (a winner everyday), and then it was off on the catamaran cruise to the reefs and caves. Met a lovely lady from Wales, who was there with her husband for three weeks! Also, Frank and Stephanie from Wisconsin, and three girls from North Carolina. Admittedly, one looked like my ex-girlfriend, so that was the attraction. As for the trip, their were a lot of fish along the reefs, and the cave was a bit of an adventure. Actually the ladder to the cliff was the adventure. There were about 10 of us who did the jump, unfortunately my jump is not on the video. My advice to guys, don’t do the jump naked, because certain body parts won’t like it. One fellow went in wrong, and he came up with a noticeable bruise on his butt. Rasta Ralphie kept the party going all the time, as we wondered how old he is, and where does he get the energy? Back at Hedo, it had been raining, so lunchtime games were extended. It was Battle of the Sexes night after dinner, culminating in what we’ll call the "Meg Ryan Invitational" (think " When Harry Met Sally"). Gareth from Las Vegas won for the guys, and Toni from NC was the ladies champ, having to do it twice in a playoff. Then it was off to the PJ party, which was everything you’ve heard, going from Victoria’s Secret to pure bondage outfits. I just stayed with the basic PJ’s, myself. I had a nice surprise at the disco, one of the radio bumper stickers on the booth was from a station I worked at, WHWH in Princeton. Trust me, it wasn’t from a listener. They wouldn’t come here. Quick question for anybody. Did they do something to the pool glass behind the bar to make it less transparent? I guess the advent of the nude pool has made the midnight skinny dip and flash a thing of the past.
Wed.-11/10-Up early again, this time for the Island Picnic. A disaster on two counts. One, it rained, second, our hosts. Captain S#&t was acting like one, and his female cohort was a bit tipsy. So the drinking games were cut short. The day was saved by the Body Painting and Find Your Mate contests at the nude pool in the afternoon. Also, "The Barbers of Negril" were in business at the hot tub. I thought they took off on Wednesdays? As a number of people gathered in the cool tub, someone told me very convincingly that "these jets are great!" I’ll take your word, darlin’. It was off to the repeater cocktail party after that, where the Pinpals were mentioned. Then came dinner, and the art auction. Dull, with bad art, except for the paintings by Olivia. Made my first night visit to the hot tub, and was propositioned by the local "talent" on the way over. You could tell there were some in the tub already. The sex police were not evident, although stories were circulating about an argument with them from the night before.
Thursday-11/11- No boats this morning, so it was a lazy day under the trees on the beach, and a leisurely lunch later with Pete from Ontario, and Bob from Atlanta, a supposed 50-visit veteran. Most of the weeks "party girls" (the ones who participate in everything) were judging the Bodies in Motion contest. Took the 3’o’clock boat to Ricks’ Café, unfortunately the sunset wasn’t that great. Most of the entertainment was provided by the cliff jumpers. I’ll jump on the next trip, I already had my thrill at the caves. Got back in time for Toga Night, which really isn’t my favorite. And, to add to the fun, I was greeted by a crab on my way to the dining room. I just waved as he backed into a corner and I walked by. There were the usual assortment of good and bad togas, with the conga line helping to wrap things up for the night.
Fri-11/12-Took the snorkel boat after breakfast. Looked almost like the same reef from Tuesday. Maybe it was. Took lots of pictures (take Fuji’s little $12.00 waterproof one-time camera, the pictures were great). The only downer was banging my shin on a rock, as there was lots of traffic, and Jackie’s very distracting thong bathing suit to occupy my vision. Went to my room and found the eviction notice (more on that later). The bulk of the afternoon was spent talking and drinking and eating at the nude pool/bar. Kudos to Robert for really making a Cheeseburger in Paradise, and for the 6PM jerk chicken. I didn’t miss Buffalo Wings after all. The "barbers" were out again, this time with Wendy, and Lisa from D.C. (not Prince’s former backup singers) doing the honors on Gareth. Later, Sharon, the wife of the "Mayor" of the hot tub, was shaving volunteers, although I wasn’t one of them. Wendy got me to do one thing I never do, which is to do my radio voice and rap off the air. Never say no to a naked lady. The circus was okay, and the beach party likewise. It’s hard to enjoy when you have to leave the next day. Spent most of it with Lisa (a fellow DJ), Gareth, and Lisa’s other friends. Made a visit to the disco again, then onto my final evening at the hot tub. Met the crab again, on the way there. Anyone have some tongs and drawn butter?
Saturday 11/12- Getaway day. Bags outside my room at nine, airline check-in the dining room at 11, and checkout at noon, just as the eviction notice requested. With a 3PM bus ride for a 6PM flight, there’s not much to do but sit in the nude pool and hot tub. After a final sandwich from Robert’s, I tore myself away from the beach, and headed for the bus. Rain caused lots of delays with the bus and plane, but I made it home in one piece just before midnight.
Final Thoughts: Hedo has definitely improved in 18 years. The staff and facilities were wonderful, pretty much all the way around. I do have two suggestions: 1.-Lose the art auction. 2.-Some more live music for dancing during dinner. Thursday was the only night that had any suitable music!
To Superclubs and or Jamaica: Bob from Atlanta and I thought of something to make things easier to and from the airport. Build marine terminals in MoBay, Negril, and Ocho Rios, and run hydroplane or ferry service to the resorts. It would be another income/work source, the party can start sooner if you serve drinks, and you’ve got another alternative to the bus if weather grounds the puddle jumpers. I’d love to hear anyone’s comments.
And finally a salute to these people: Wendy, Lisa, Gareth, Pete from Ontario, and Bob. I’m glad we got to share lots of laughs this week. To Frank and Stephanie, I tried not to be a third wheel. Besides, Steph, you have a great laugh. I promise I’ll find out who sings "Who Let The Dogs Out," the song of the week besides "Mambo No.5". And to the party couple of the week, Wayne and Toni from NC, when did you sleep? They were everywhere, with their ever present thermos filled with Dirty Bananas. They’re a fun couple, and really goooood people. The type who would be at your house in two seconds with a casserole and hugs if they heard your mama died. Thanks to all of you for making it a fantastic week for me. It really hurt to leave, but I know I’ll return.