Hedonism II: A Raft’s Eye View
The Beginning:
I am a raft, but I must confess, no ordinary float. You see I am a double-wide canvas backed beauty bought by HedoLynn to be presented to Hedoman as an announcement of his surprise birthday present, a trip to Jamaica! Not just any ordinary place, mind you, but HEDONISM II!….EVERY raft’s dream come true. All true floats aspire to go there but few are chosen. I soon learned it was to be Hedoman’s 14th trip so I knew I’d be well cared for. I sat patiently as they made plans, prepared, organized and packed for the wonderful vacation. I was impressed when Hedoman found room in his carry-on for me in such comfort, with snorkel gear and very few clothes. I soon found out WHY only a few pairs of shorts and tee-shirts were needed.It tickled me to see both of them get up soooooo early in the morning of the day of departure, with their excitement disabling normal sleep patterns, and soon we were off to the great aerodrome in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Oh how quaint, they booked me first class! Not only that but there was to be no cold and lonely baggage hold for me as they carried me on with them and nestled me in the overhead bin just above. Wow, we were on our way as the shiny new Air Jamaica A-321 pushed away from the gate 10 minutes early with all passengers aboard. I overheard Hedoman and HedoLynn talking about linking up with Bill and Vivian, from South Carolina ( AKA Hedo-Slug and Slug-gette, names earned on the last trip for their professional ability to sit and do NOTHING all day (a trait that Hedoman aspires to learn every nuance). I was disappointed that there was no movie but, what the heck, the Flight Attendants were so nice and the food obviously pleased them both. I could see why Hedoman was so hungry after all those Bloody Marys in the First Class lounge (he starting off this adventure in pure decadence, imagine drinking 3 of those before 8 am…Huh!). Be "Wicked for a week" was the theme just beginning.
After a very smooth flight we landed 10 minutes early and breezed through immigration and customs. The line was a little longer than normal at immigration but this gave them time to meet another couple, Joe and Renee, who sat right next to them in 1st class. They were heading to Hedo too! You just NEVER quite know WHO is going WHERE when you scope them out on the plane eh? Through the gate and then WHAM!, massive and I do mean MASSIVE confusion. Jamaicans hitting you from all sides, trying to get you to their kiosk for THEIR services. Thank goodness Hedoman had a plan and reservations with TimAir for the short flight to Negril. Slug and Slug-ette (Bill and Viv) weren’t where they were supposed to meet us but we all finally met up at the TimAir terminal after a very hot van ride to the other end of the Sangster International airport. Hedoman is sweating like Clinton in his deposition but he doesn’t even KNOW how stuffy I am being bounced around in this little case of his. Geez is it hot! Quick arrangements and we’re set to fly the 17 minutes to Negril.
Wow, what a cool flight even for me, a white-knuckle flier even as rafts go. A short cab ride and Hedoman and Hedo-Lynn were "home" again! Tony was there and he recognized them immediately! The front area was getting a new roof so they were shown to the temporary desk for check-in. Hey! "Hedoman don’t leave me here in the sun!"…oh good you came back to get me. Tony would’ve taken good care of me but I wanted to meet Shaka too! Oh what a gal! Shaka took an instant liking to Bill (AKA Slug) to his amusement and HUGE smile. She would eventually become THE highlight of the week entertaining us on the au naturel side of the resort. Check-in times are now 3 pm with check out being enforced at 12 noon. We were early for check-in so HedoLynn and Slug-ette went to get drinks. That became a ritual over the next hour or so as the extremely courteous staff tried to find us suitable rooms. Whoa Hedoman….easy fella! He didn’t realize how many drinks were going down and it will bite him later I’m sure. I saw many impatient people who didn’t realize all the bitching in the world would NOT expedite things. The four of them ( H-man & co.) were laid back and it seemed they got better served because of their patience, but then again they had been here before and knew that all things "soon come Mon".
Room assigned and now off to the beach. Hello Delroy! Hello Anna! YO Scumba! Hedoman and Hedo-Lynn are in the house! How did they recognize them after 15 months? Man, do they have great memories! You can let me out now H-man, YO.. fella it’s hot in this case…get me some AIR! All rafts need air and the dive shop gave me the breath of life! Catching up with the "A-team" at the nude bar, Robert is on vacation? all week? Damn! and Hedoman so wanted to see his brother again. I told you those drinks would catch up and you crashed and burned like most do on the first day too. Oh well I’ll wait for you to show up tomorrow.
Nude Week: Sponsored By - Go Classy Tours
The sun comes up nice and early in Negril. It was great to see Hedoman and Hedo-Lynn get up with it as they would do every morning. It seems they had a nice time last night with good food, good show and the habitual trek to Veronica’s and then off to the hot tub. He was sorry that Veronica, also, was on vacation. They missed her too as she is one of their closest friends on staff there. Ahhhh coffee delivered on the nude side at 7 am. Hedoman takes me out to do the morning float with coffee in hand. HEY! Hedoman…I know I am a double-wide canvas backed raft and one of the best you can find but YO fella..lose some weight eh? Your lard ass is really straining me! Oh well I guess even in a raft’s life a little rain must fall. It became our morning ritual, Hedoman and me, him with his coffee and me trying to keep his massive girth from falling to the ocean’s floor. It did feel so good though as the mornings were quiet and calm. Vivian would come out early and arrange our "camp" in the shade of the tree near Delroy’s bar to eliminate too much of a walk to get our insulated big cups filled (big insulated drink containers are VERY handy for sea slugs like them as they require fewer walks to the bar).
They introduced me, their raft, to A J and Gennie Hutchison, owners of Go Classy Tours, the title sponsors of our week at Hedonism. They choreograph special weeks, called Nude Week, twice a year and always have a fantastic turn out. They arranged to have breakfast, Bloody Marys, Mimosas and screw drivers delivered on the beach each morning which is truly unique ONLY to Go Classy sponsored weeks. A J and Gennie are truly the classiest people and hence the aptly named company, Go Classy Tours. Hedoman found himself in various conversations about trip costs with others and was delighted to realize how much money they saved by using Go Classy and how great a deal they always knew they did get. Many others will now seek Go Classy out as they do have very competitive rates being the number 1 and preferred agent for all Super Clubs, Hedonism II included. I overheard Hedoman saying he has been a faithful client for going on 9 years now along with 14 trips to this Garden of Eden. He calls it an "adult summer camp" of "primitive elegance" as Hedonism II may not be a 5 star resort but it is everything they (and a raft, mind you ) need for a week of fun or solitude of just the right mix of each. I enjoyed listening to the conversations between A J, Gennie and Hedoman. They are such delightful people and really host a magnificent week. I know all the rafts are buzzing about them as well as their owners who have arrived to join in the festivities.
By now I have met a few of the local rafts, a little different by MY standards. The REAL local rafts are also used as cushions on the lounge chairs but no way can they hold Hedoman’s excessive baggage. The slim beautiful young ladies find them easy to maneuver…oh to be a raft serving them! Other "import" models range from rafts of lesser cost, to various unique shapes and designs. Just like our human counterparts there are all sorts of differences between us which is what Hedonism is all about. We have different colors, sizes, shapes and builds just like our owners. We don’t judge each other or are we prejudiced either, just like the humans. There is no special pecking order as we all just get along fine. I have Hedoman and Hedo-Lynn’s names on me so hopefully I won’t stray far from them. I had heard that unmarked rafts tend to wander off and get lost so I was happy when he wrote their names and dates of stay on me.
Breakfast, I could tell by H-man’s increasing load, was excellent along with the Bloody Marys he likes so much. He actually took me out more often as now it was coffee and THEN out again with Bloodies. As a raft, MY true love is in the placid waters of Bloody Bay, so named from the old whaling days as they would slaughter and cut up whales to such an extent that the bay would fill with blood (Thank the raft Gods that I am a 20th century raft). Augustus, Hedoman and Hedo-Lynn’s very special friend and beach keeper, took great care of all of them throughout the week. I heard them greet him every day and know he is one of their "adopted" kin here in Jamaica. He kept my area spotless too.
Each day was perfect in the morning, some days hot and some days with a nice breeze. A little disturbance created by the huge vortex named Floyd did stir things up a bit, enough to keep me on dry land for a day, but all in all it was not bad. A J And Gennie did take Hedoman and Hedo-Lynn over to Grand Lido for lunch and a tour of the property for a special birthday celebration. They were grinning ear to ear when they got back as they certainly enjoyed it over there. Hedoman did tell me that there were no rafts of MY caliber over there so Hedonism was the best place for me. Oh how I did love those lazy days with both of them floating around and meeting so many new people. Rafts LIKE to meet new people too. There were so many new friends funny, bright and alive! I really laughed (yes rafts have a sense of humor too you know. Just watch somebody slip off one sometime…we do make them look stupid and silly) as along with Bill and Vivian I met many new friends and many being first timers. At check in Lynn met Patrick and Becky from Key West. Now there was a couple of fine human beings I would’ve let raft on me ANY time they wanted. Geez, did they get brown in the sun, not like Hedoman who hung in the shade like an albino lab rat. The resort is small enough so they ran into them often and had many laughs. Rich and Barb were from Minnesota and fine people to share the beach with. Knowing what lay ahead back home it was a good thing to soak up the warmth before the long winter set in. There was another couple from Minnesota, the Halls, who later became renown as a truly classic magic act (Halls of Magic). I heard Hedoman RAVE about the shows they put on at the piano bar, returnee’s party and at dinner. Joe and Renee, first timers from Pa. and on the same plane, had a great time with Joe winning best buns in one of the many entertaining events around the nude pool. All the rafts started calling him "sweet cheeks" and were disappointed when he didn’t have time to satisfy all us rafts with a float or two. Renee should have won best breasts but others had invested way too much money for a mere mortal and natural womanly figure to win…what a shame they don’t have TWO categories I heard Hedo-Lynn say, one for real and one for…well let’s just say … "augmented" (rafts never judge appearances). Shaka and Jason had everybody hooting and hollering as they were the BEST damn entertainment coordinators the nude side has seen in a long time! They met Hudson (Michael Hudson McGuire) from NYC but originally from Pittsburgh who was the epitome of what a single male should be. NOT a Vinnie or Wally but a truly laid back kinda guy that really enjoyed being at Hedo whether getting "lucky" or not (but as cool as he was, my raft’s eye view would confidently say he could have gotten "lucky" if he wanted to as he was not obnoxious or pushy). Oh, those newly-weds and first timers from San Jose, Joe and Erica….what a HOOT! So cool and funny too. Joe you should write your name on Erica like Hedoman does on me so she won’t get lost so much J . Then there was Bob and Shawn other first timers from Boston (or is that BAH-stun Bob?…a raft never knows). A clone of another Hedo-friend Mr. Lee, they were unbelievable! Very cool people, not only the first time at Hedo but their first time on a nude beach! You could never tell tho, as rafts can feel nervousness, that they weren’t veterans of many a nude adventure. Bob and Shawn were complete naturals in a naturalist’s world! Ken arrived too as a 10 trip veteran and a member of the early beach bunch. Jim and Line (Lynn in our pronunciation but what does a raft know anyway?) from Canada rounded out our little band of gypsies but I know there were others that my raft brain may have forgotten (Hedoman is of no help remembering names either). What a fine group!
The days all bleed into one with times and dates unimportant unless you were scheduled to go on the nude catamaran cruise, snorkeling, going to the island picnic or other such activities requiring the knowledge of time (Hedoman and Hedo-Lynn wore watches for the tan line but ended up being the beach clock (right Patrick?). Each day’s ritual was more or less the same alternating between beach and pool or whatever they wanted to do. The returnee’s party was well attended as usual with the winner of a free week having 57 trips! Now listening to Hedoman’s story it is quite a tale but suffice it to say he should’ve won rather than come in 2nd. I could tell the food was very good this week by the ever increasing tonnage growing on Hedoman’s posterior! I consoled him when they substituted shrimp on lobster night but that was about all I heard in the way of complaints. Oh how they all loved the nude food at Robert’s McMon grill especially Indiana’s jerked chicken every night at 6 pm sharp.
Activities in the hot tub were about normal from what I’ve heard from the other more "experienced" rafts. I heard one raft tell another that a cushion told him that a noodle float had actually heard that somebody did this or that but by the time it filtered down to me it may have been exaggerated a bit (the same as Vinnie stories get on the long flight back to the big city). But what the heck it’s all in fun, free spirited and between consenting adults. As rafts go we have our moments too as I was particularly attracted to one gorgeous green cushion floating in the warm Caribbean. The island rhythms tend to do that to the humans too.
Nude week continued with fun and games. Each day a drawing was held for prizes and by the end of the week just about EVERYBODY from Go Classy’s clientele had won something from $50 cash to a certificate for $50 off the next trip and a bottle of Rum Cream. Hedoman AND Hedo-Lynn both had their names drawn for a certificate and a bottle of rum cream. Another day like that and they could open up their own liquor store at home. Go Classy sent a bottle of champagne and a fruit plate to all their client’s rooms. I must remind Gennie that rafts like things too…(but I guess a bottle of air is unique there). What a class act! The band of Gypsies became more tan and lazy as days oozed into nights.
From my perspective everybody seemed happy and content with the food, shows and amenities and I learned why this place was every raft’s dream come true. Even dinner with Bill and Vivian at Pastafari’s, to celebrate Hedoman’s birthday, was good. I heard that having Shaka as a special dinner guest made it even more memorable and the envy of the entire beach as she was sitting with THEM at THEIR table!. Hedo-Lynn made sure to schedule a few trips up top to have lunch with their long time friend, Delete Parkinson, the Concierge for off-site trips. Delete is a very special person and friend to both of them and helped organize a trip to Rick's Café for sunset watching and cliff diving. I guess they decided to try Rick’s instead of the other very popular spot, the Pickled Parrot, which is very good in it’s own right. Bob, from BAH-stun, I heard dropped his drawers and cliff dove in his boxers to the amusement and applause of the entire Hedo group. What a guy! Rick’s Café is getting pretty expensive though.
Alas, the week was coming to a close but not for a very good raft like me! Bless Hedoman’s heart, he gave my title to Bob and Shawn so they could use me over the remainder of their week. THEY had to go up top and check out with Air Jamaica (a nice touch for saving time) and make preparations to go home…NOT ME! I did hear that their flight back to Mo-Bay was fine and the trip home uneventful save for a serious case of DIF (Dreaded Island Fever with the only antidote being getting back to the islands).
For me, the raft, it was a lovely week. For Hedoman and Hedo-Lynn, I heard them say it was the best trip ever thanks to Delete, Delroy, Anna, Scumba, Michelle, Marcia, Tony, Shaka, Jason, Augustus, Jazzmo, Vincent, Indiana and Bunny at the grill, Ray in the dinning room, Charlie for his omelets and most of all for Cheddy, the resident manager, who solved any and all problems large or small. He is the most competent manager they’ve had at Hedo since Kevin Levee left to open Hedonism III and I hope he assumes full command in the near future. Special thanks to security who reacted to Hedoman’s request. Delroy spotted a dirt-bag hiding in the last upper room (2280) taking pictures on his digital camera hiding behind the curtains. He told Hedoman to alert security and security confiscated the film disc. Hopefully it was the only disc he had. Delroy has an incredible awareness of what’s going on around him!
The ganja boats weren’t as prevalent this time but were there. It was a hoot when one of ‘em asked Hedoman for a light as we were snorkeling around the rocks. Like..where would he keep a lighter snorkeling nude? Snorkeling around the jetty is still is the best. They are working on the road to Negril to make it straighter and therefor less time consuming on the bus. Some have said the bus ride is "no problem". Plans are under way to build a "demo room " with a private Jacuzzi. I think the Jacuzzi is more like a bathtub with jets. Soon come Mon. They are replacing all the A/C units and have completed a few while Hedoman was there. Water pressure and consistency of hot/cold shower water temperatures not a problem but evident. Ting is hard to find in bottles as most of it is on tap which is not nearly as good (Scumba did find a few bottles for Hedoman’s birthday tho…what a treat!).I heard the rafts giggling when the hot tub was too hot or too cold but mostly it was just about right. The rafts were all buzzing about the PJ party being so tame and that only about 60% of the people wore togas on toga night (which could be attributed to the large South American population celebrating their end of winter vacations). The talent show was exceptional save for a comedian from NY who couldn’t and didn’t tell a single joke for his entire set. Tough way to start off the show.
I hope they return soon and I haven’t sprung a leak. I figure my days are limited, being the double-wide canvas backed raft that I am, but what a way to spend your life! I hope you, who read this, will come down soon and float with me too!
Good bye Hedoman and Hedo-Lynn!!! Thanks so much for bringing me to paradise!
Maximum Respect Mon!