We spent many hours on the internet in preparation for this trip to Hedonism. We had been there in September 1998 for our 10th Anniversary and discovered Denny’s site when we returned. The visitors list was a Godsend, and Monty and Jan’s picture list was a great help. After talking to Barry and Dana, Jeff and Sue, Craig and Tree, Brett and Christy, Jim and Deb, Greg and Jo, Rocco, Ed, Sheila, Sherri and Rick, George and Judy, Pat and Phil, Scott and Connie, Lee and Jan, Bill and Val, Scott and Barbi and probably many more that I’ve neglected (please don’t take offense -- none is meant), we felt like we had a whole group of friends going with us.

Our 2nd trip to Hedonism II began on a rainy, cold Monday as we departed from Baltimore-Washington International. We arrived at the airport with two bags to check. The Air Jamaica clerk couldn’t have been more helpful. She tagged our luggage to be sent directly to the Air Jamaica Express plane that our travel agent had booked for us ahead of time (saved is $20 -- sorta -- more on that later). "You won’t have to pick up your bags at baggage claim in Montego Bay", she said. Things are looking promising to meet our goal -- arrive in MoBay at 10:45 PM -- nekkid by 1 PM!

Air Jamaica Flight #041 departed Baltimore on time and arrived as scheduled. We followed the herd through the airport, breezed through customs and headed for the Superclubs desk. They directed us to the Air Jamaica Express counter on the other side of the airport. We noticed that the air temperature did not seem as oppressive as it did in September when we were there, but it was still warm. We arrived at the Air Jamaica Express counter and were asked "Do you have any bags to check?" We smiled smugly and said "No, they were pre-checked in Baltimore. They should be sent over here already". She smiled back, "No, you have to get them at baggage claim." So much for the ease in arrival.

We trudged back to baggage claim. Now, mind you, all doors are designed to EXIT this airport...after about ten minutes, we found one that would allow us to enter. We headed to baggage claim and, sure enough, there were our two suitcases, just spinning around the carousel. We grabbed the bags and headed back to customs. No problem there, we’re on the way. We laughed, commenting "If this is the worst that happens, it’ll be a perfect trip!" Famous last words!

The remainder of the trip to Negril was uneventful. It was a smooth flight, although noisy, so we don’t know if the two other couples on our flight were going to Hedo or other resorts -- we never saw them again. We got off the plane and grabbed a taxi (yes, we could have called the resort and they would have sent someone, but we had a goal, remember) so for $5 we were at the resort within three minutes of landing.

It was kind of crowded at the front desk, and each time we attempted to get close, we were pushed back. Three guys we later called the Muscle Triplets were a bit irritated because they either didn’t have the room they wanted or didn’t like what they were in. While we were filling out our paperwork, Barry, one of our internet friends, walked over to introduce himself (a word of advice -- if you post your pic on a website visitor’s list, use one of you already sweating and half lit -- that’s what we did -- we were recognized immediately -- it was harder to recognize those who used professional photos). They had been placed in a prude room (they swore it was at Grand Lido) and were at the front desk to change rooms. We were told that ours would not be ready until 3 (darn -- so much for my 1 PM goal) so "Go have some lunch and a drink, mon". We joined Barry and Dana, and met their friends, Ty and Laurie and sat to watch the bikini contest. During lunch, we were joined by Jim and Deb, more internet friends, who also were told to check back at 3 for rooms.

After about fifteen minutes of the bikini contest, we were ready to check out the place, take a walk, do something, so we headed to the front desk just to check on our room. We had faxed a request for H-Block about a week before. Unfortunately, we didn’t get it. In fact, we got the absolute last nude room before the prude side begins -- 2251. Oh, well, we had a room, many who arrived that weekend didn’t, so we took what we could get. Now, I will tell you that if you are a light sleeper, 2251/2151 may not be the room for you -- it does get loud, but after the first night, we couldn’t complain -- more on that in a moment.

We unpacked, lotioned up and headed for the nude pool. Rick and Sherri were getting married at 4 PM on the nude point and we wanted to get a good spot. We got into the pool and waddled up to the bar. In September, I sat on the second bar stool from the end and got absolutely hammered, so Greg and I decided to stay off the stools -- they were dangerous. We stood there watching two girls and two guys, who had apparently been there most of the afternoon trying to decide what kind of shot to get. The bartender suggested a Bob Marley and we agreed with him. We had heard about them and wanted to see what they were. Clayton and Tessa invited us to join them for whatever shot they made. It turned out to be a "Woohoo" -- I have no idea what it was, but it was lethal! We also tested a Blowjob -- Greg drank his, I drank half (go ahead, make your jokes!). While we sat there, Greg and Jo walked up and introduced themselves to us, as did Pat and Phil. We had talked often on the internet (in fact, I had spoken to Greg on Saturday night -- his plane was leaving in five hours and he still had to pack -- obviously he made it). We all hung out in the pool until the wedding began, and then walked down toward the point to get a closer look.

It was a beautiful ceremony. We did all make the comment that we didn’t ever recall being at a wedding wear the guests were dressed ‘that’ casually, and we never remember seeing a maid of honor who’s butt was showing -- literally -- when her dress blew, but....after the ceremony, we headed to the hot tub for a little while. It was getting close to dinner time, so we decided to head back to the room to take a nap and shower for dinner. Pat and Phil told us to look for them at dinner and we agreed.

Now, this is the part where we couldn’t in good conscience, complain about our room. We got back to the room around 5:30 PM and decided to call home (again, go ahead and give me a hard time, but it was important to me to call our two year old each night. Made me feel better, vacation or no vacation -- of course, we don’t have the phone bill yet, so I may regret that need LOL). I staggered (at this point the Woohoo, Blowjob and Tom Collins from the pool were beginning to take their toll) to the front desk to pay the ransom to make long distance calls, then returned to the room to call home. We both crashed across the bed to nap before dinner.

At 7:00 AM, we both awoke, starving. I had been awakened once by the music in the dining room, realized it was too late for dinner, and went back to sleep so I wouldn’t know how hungry I was. We literally slept for 13 hours...and I don’t usually sleep heavily! We were sitting in the dining room at 7:45, waiting for breakfast to go out on the buffet!

Thus began our typical day at Hedo...it varied little from day to day. We got up and ate breakfast in the dining room. Those who spoke to me on the internet will recall that on our first trip I learned that the butter and the ketchup were horrible. Therefore, I carried my own....I carried a small collapsible lunch cooler with a ziploc bag of ice with a tub of squeezable butter in it. I just replenished the ice each day. I also kept my allergy serum in this bag -- a good idea for those who use insulin or need refrigerated medicine...it worked like a charm. I also carried a stash of ketchup packets that I had gathered from McDonald’s, Burger King, etc. Worked for me! I carried my butter down each morning for breakfast, replenished the ice, and returned the little cooler to the room when we went up to lather down for the day.

The first morning, we headed down to the beach and found a spot on the point. It was kind of warm, so we grabbed rafts and floated out in the water for awhile. What peace! A cold soda in one hand, a book in the other, hot sun beating down on you and a nice, Carribbean breeze floating across you. Heaven on earth! We met Jo again, floating around out there, and decided to move our stuff down by her chair.

So began the section of beach we have dubbed Slugdom. From that point on, we staked out these chairs along the water, just past the nude volleyball court and before you get to the massage shack (old Delroy’s) and were basically slugs. Jo’s husband, Greg, is a scuba diver, so he would dive in the morning, and join us later in the day. Jo usually was out on the beach before any of us, Greg, Jim, Deb and I usually ran into each other in the dining room at breakfast and headed to Slugdom from there. We would sit in the chairs and say "We should go out snorkeling in the boat" and someone would say "Yeah, maybe tomorrow". The same thing would repeat the next day. On Tuesday, when we wandered to the dining room for lunch (we got tired of burgers at the beach grill), Greg and I met Brett and Christy and they joined us from that point on in Slugdom.

Tuesday night was the Battle of the Sexes and the PJ Party. That was one of our favorite nights when we were there in September and we were really looking forward to it. The Battle of the Sexes was just as funny as last year, but we did not enjoy the PJ Party as much. The coordinators would not let anyone in the disco at all until 11:30 (last year, we were there at 10 and they let us in). By the time they opened the doors, the line to get in was into the dining room. It was so crowded on the dance floor you couldn’t move and it was unbearably hot. Brett, Christy, Greg and I only stayed about a half hour. We headed down to the hot tub to relax and get away from the crowd.

I must say that the extra-curricular activities in the hot tub were much more blatant than they were in September. We only saw one sexually explicit display when we were there before. This time it was almost as if a busload of exhibitionists had been dropped off. We wondered at times why some of these people even HAD rooms. On couple we named the Exhibitionists because everytime you saw them, his mouth was on her body somewhere, and she was looking around the vicinity to see who was watching them. Only once did we see the sex police in evidence -- that Tuesday night, a guard told one couple to stop -- 1 AM arrived and it was like he went off sex police duty and became the cup police -- the tub ‘heated up’ and all he did was wander around picking up the empties.

Wednesday was the Find Your Mate Contest (I’m sorry for misleading you, George -- I might be a party girl, but I’m more of a sports spectator than a participant -- you guys were a hoot to watch). That was great! It was one of the highlights of the trip!

Wednesday night was Chinese Night, and although Jo and Greg said the buffet was good when they were there last year, Jamaican Chinese Food just did not sound appealing to us. We decided to go to Pastafari’s for dinner. When I called, the only reservation they had was at 9:30 PM. That was the same night as the Returnee’s Cocktail Party so Greg and Jo, and the two of us attended that. At the party, they announced that starting on Thursday, E! TV would begin taping a segment at Hedonism. They said if you did not want to be taped, just let the cameras know and they would be sure to avoid you. If you did want to be taped, you were to contact the crew and they would get you to sign a release. Since a BBC crew had been there when we were there in September and we rarely ever saw them, we were not concerned, although we did not want to be taped.

Pastafari’s was great...it was kind of warm in the restaurant and the service was slow, but we remembered that the service was slow when we went last year, too. We kind of liked the leisurely dinner pace. Greg and Jo, Brett and Christy, Greg and I had a blast. After dinner, Brett and Christy headed to the hot tub while the rest of us decided to crash for the night (Greg had overdone it with mudslides that afternoon, so I had spent the two hours between the cocktail party and dinner walking around with him to keep him awake...he was done after he ate dinner). The only drawback to Pastafari’s is that you have to make reservations and we Slugs had trouble deciding whether we had the energy to walk to the dining room for lunch.

Thursday is when the tone of things began to change. The day began as usual, with breakfast in the dining room, then off to Slugdom. We sat there discussing the E! TV thing, and I made the remark that we didn’t know what kind of spin this TV show was going to have. That made us a bit nervous. I work with a few people who would not approve of being naked in public, and although it may not cost me my job, it would make things difficult for me. BBC Television was relatively safe, because it would probably never be shown here, and they were very discreet and careful not to tape anyone who didn’t want to be taped. E! TV is a channel we watch often in our area, and I know that others do as well. The majority of the Slugs were in agreement that being on tape would not be a good thing.

We watched as a little, hard-bodied, perky, naked blonde girl was taped on the beach, surrounded by guys. Then they put her in a raft, again surrounded by guys, and taped her some more. Then they headed down to the pool/hot tub on the nude beach. We joked that this was not going to be a truthful depiction -- she certainly didn’t look like most of the women who inhabited the nude beach -- she certainly didn’t depict any of us slugs!

We had heard a lot about Naked Twister, so Jim and Deb, Greg and I walked down to watch it. The little hard bodied girl was participating and cameras were going to be rolling. We sat on the side of the tub to watch and were told if we sat there, we would have to sign a release because we may appear on camera. Rather than adjusting the camera so we were not in view, we had to move. That kind of annoyed us. Plus, if you did not want to be taped, you could not participate in the game. Again, kind of annoying, but since (as aforementioned) we were planning to be spectators, it didn’t really affect us.

Since we were trying to avoid the cameras, and since the Twister Game had lost some of it’s allure, we headed back down to Slugdom. We had all decided to attend the Toga Tying Demo after lunch, so we figured we’d eat lunch in the dining room, then watch the tying demo.

Now, when we arrived, there was a group with a sign that announced them as the Butt Crack Tours. I had seen references to them on the Internet and knew that they were a big group and that they planned lots of fun pranks. I can say that we discussed the "gawkers" from Sandals, Grand Lido, etc. These people were cruising by the nude beach, slowly, some with video and still cameras. That sort of ticked us off -- we had no control over what they then did with those photos and videos, but we had to ask permission of everyone on the nude beach before we photographed/videoed. Just a reminder to those of you who are camera shy...beyond the buoys is fair game -- zoom lenses can still catch you naked and you can’t stop them -- some may appear on websites, so be aware! We just hoped that none of our children run for office or marry a famous person LOL.

Back to the Butt Crack Tours -- on Thursday, there were additions to this group. The additions had noisemakers and whistles. Prior to Thursday, there were many Prude Alert warnings, but when the noisemakers and whistles arrived, it was kind of amusing -- for one day. By Friday, the whistles were a royal pain. Plus, it stopped being a prude alert when clothed people were arriving on the beach. When people who had been nude all day and were dressing to head in for lunch, shower, sex, whatever, they whistled at them too. They got to the point that they would stand in front of you, blocking your way until you dropped your clothing, even if (as was the case with us once) that we had been naked virtually 15 hours a day less than 50 feet from them. One of them wore a tank top after Thursday afternoon (presumably due to sunburn) and still whistled and yelled at anyone with clothes on. We named her Relentless (Yes, I know I will be blasted for daring to say anything negative about the Butt Crackers, but come on guys -- relax -- it’s vacation -- I, too, don’t want gawkers, but you could tell the difference. Give them a minute to get used to the idea -- if they are on the beach more than five minutes after they put down their stuff -- then scream).

We also learned Thursday afternoon, that Miss Hardbody went by the name of Serenity (we called her anything that started with an S -- Serenity, Serendipity, Sarsparilla, Sweet Potato...plus, we wanted to see her birth certificate -- SURE her parents named her Serenity). Serenity was a porn star -- so much for the spin of this segment.

We went to the dining room to watch the tying demo and that’s when we realized E! TV was a problem. They taped the tying demo, so if you didn’t want to be taped, you couldn’t participate. We chose a table with a great view of the demo, but were told that we would be on tape if we sat there. If we didn’t want to be on tape, we had to move. We ended up behind a pole where we couldn’t see very well. They also announced that the Toga Conga Line would be taped that night. We were all angry. This meant that we would not be able to participate in the conga line. To add insult to injury, after we moved to the table with the bad view, the camera taped in our direction anyway!

Our biggest argument is that Hedo does not need the advertisement. It was sold out the entire time we were there. In fact, Jo and Greg were put at Grand Lido their first night there. We see no reason for E!TV to be taping except for sensationalism. It is our opinion that shows like this are what gives Hedo the reputation it has, so that we are uncomfortable telling people where we are staying, and forces some to say they stayed at Sandals. Just our opinion -- it did put a damper on our trip -- it won’t keep us from going back, but we’ll ask about tapings before we book.

At the toga party, they did announce that the Conga Line would not be taped. However, we saw the camera taping anyway. An older couple stopped and pushed the camera man out of view and asked them to stop taping. We think enough people went to the front desk to complain. I intend to send a letter of complaint to Superclubs after this is finished to let them know of our dissatisfaction. Some of our table got up and left the dining room to avoid the cameras.

Friday was another lazy day in Slugdom, but Greg and Christy did decide to go parasailing. Brett and I decided to ride in the boat and take pictures (actually, we said we’d stay in the boat because we loved our children more than our spouses). They enjoyed it, and the drug transaction we witnessed on the ride back from the parasailing boat was an interesting touch, too.

Jo and Greg had to leave very early Saturday morning, so we decided just to go to dinner in the dining room and check out the beach party. Brett and Christy and Jim and Deb were all leaving on Saturday, too, so we wanted to have a kind of quiet night. I can say that I have yet to have a decent drink at the Prude Beach Bar -- Delroy has them all beat! Again, during the games on the beach, E! TV taped one of them and two guys had to stop participating because of the taping.

We said goodbye to Jo and Greg on Friday night and visited the hot tub that night. One amusing incident, we watched the Bodies In Motion Contest (kind of the guy version of the wet t-shirt contest). At the beach party, we overheard one of the guys who participated trying to pick up a girl on the beach, telling her how degrading it was to have to dance in front of all those women and how horrible it was to participate. He certainly didn’t appear to be too degraded or unhappy during the contest! We saw them later in the hot tub -- apparently it worked.

Another couple we tried to avoid was the couple that were dubbed Beauty and the Beast. These two complained constantly about the food, the drinks, the beach, the sun, the rooms, the staff, the service, you name it. I mentioned that if they were that miserable, Superclubs would move them to another resort -- other Slugs asked if WE could contact Superclubs and ask them to be moved.

Saturday we said goodbye to Jim and Deb, and learned from Brett that we needed to be in the lobby early on Sunday to make Air Jamaica arrangements -- poor Brett lost his last day waiting in the lobby! Just as Brett and Christy were leaving, my internet friend Rocco arrived. His room wasn’t ready, so we agreed to take him on a tour. That’s when we were harrassed by the Butt Crack Tours -- the poor guy was still in his long pants, carrying his suitcases and they wouldn’t let us by until I took off my shirt. Jeez, again, relax!

Basically, we were just more advanced slugs on Saturday. We ate dinner in the dining room, then headed to the Piano Bar. That was a lot of fun -- I don’t know why we didn’t do that more often. Dave is a wonderful entertainer and keeps the crowd pumped up! Plus the drinks are outstanding there. Before the music started, I truly loved the Blow Job shooter line up -- there was a group celebrating someone’s 50th birthday, and the no handed blow job shooters were great.

Sunday -- time to go home. We hung out on the beach with Lee and Jan and Bill and Val for awhile, then dressed and headed to the lobby to hang out and wait for our taxi to the airport. I had been to the desk early, and the guy from Air Jamaica said to "Be here at 2:50" he didn’t give me a ticket for the shuttle, just told me.

At 2:45, we got a taxi to the airstrip. We got to the desk and I handed the guy our boarding passes. He said "No, these are for the flight from Montego Bay. What’s your name". We told him and he said "Your flight just left". We stared at him. Apparently, our flight left at 2:50 PM. Unlike Timair, Air Jamaica doesn’t wait. Our flight from Montego Bay left at 5:00 PM. There was no option to wait for another flight, even though I’m sure there were more that we could have flown on. We had to take a taxi.

Roger offered to take us for $60. We told him we’d have to cash a traveller’s check when we got to the airport. "No problem, mon". I’m thinking "Big problem, mon" the bus ride in September took us one hour and forty-five minutes -- I have video footage to prove it. It is now 3 PM and we’re just leaving Negril. Roger should be an Indy driver....I was standing at the bank in Montego Bay at 3:55 PM. It took us 50 minutes to make the trip...we got there with time to spare! Of course, I was hysterical in the backseat because I KNEW I was going to die on the way -- I’m just glad I couldn’t convert km to miles per hour -- I didn’t realize how fast 140-160 km was!

There is no place like Hedo. We will be returning as soon as we can, and I hope we can visit when our internet circle is there...we’re glad we met all of them (if we didn’t, I’m truly sorry) and hope to see them again!

I’m sure I’ll get blasted for some of the negatives in here, but a true trip report should reflect all opinions. I certainly will and have recommended Hedo to anyone and everyone I know who might be willing to try something like it. My advice -- go! It’s worth every penny and you will come home relaxed -- even after the Indy car ride to Montego Bay!