We just came back from our first trip to Hedo, and wanted to share our impressions, especially for those of you contemplating a visit in the future. In a nutshell, our advice would be: don’t go – unless you enjoy beautiful weather, wonderful people, great times and reducing your decision load to the disco/hot tub/ beach/pool dilemma. As for us, we’re already trying to figure out dates for next year.

Background

Although we’ve never been to Hedo before, we are summertime nudists, so that part of it was familiar to us. We spent a good deal of time reading Chris Santilli’s book (a must read!), trip reports from Denny’s site and the message boards on both Denny’s site and AOL. Looking back on what we had anticipated and comparing it to what we experienced, all of this info – as a whole – was good preparation. But then again, nothing beats actually being there!

Travel

We caught USAir down to Philly and onward to MoBay. No problems. Air Negril from MoBay to GNAT was also cool. Got the $5 dollar taxi ride across the street ("you don’ wanna waste yo’ vacation time, mon!?") Well, heck, he had a point there…. Probably could have waited for a shuttle ride, but the nude beach and Delroy’s was calling!

Accommodations & Check-In

We had booked through Go Classy and this apparently caused some confusion. At Sangster, the SuperClubs folks first offered us some paperwork, but then said we didn’t have to fill any out because we had booked through GCT. Once we got to Hedo, the front desk kept wanting the Lifestyles travel desk to check us in and vice versa. After about 3 ping-pongs, we finally stood still and asked that the front desk take care of us. No problem, mon. Unfortunately, they stuck us in a Prude Side Oceanview (we had booked Nude Side Garden) for one night. Oh well. The Lifestyles folks were not without similar problems, although we think that next time – if we go during a Lifestyles week – we might book through them, and take advantage of the clout they seem to wield during those weeks.

The rooms themselves were fine. We heard about water pressure problems, but didn’t really experience anything beyond what you normally encounter in a hotel. Room cleanliness was fine. Security was fine. The body soap they have in the shower dispenser smells like something out of a hospital, though. Bring your own stuff from Body Shop.

Calling out on phones was an adventure. Sometimes 800 numbers (like to the airlines to confirm your reservations) work, sometimes they don’t. Sometimes you need a credit card imprint at the front desk, sometimes not. Couldn’t figure out the rules there. And when you did connect to the states (I had to check voicemail while I was on vacation) the connection was tenuous at best.

Hot Tub – Beach – Pool – Rafts

A typical day at Hedo was like this – stake out your beach chairs. Go back and eat breakfast, stocking up on the dynamite coffee. (All they offer on the nude beach is decaf???) Sit on the beach. Go out on the raft to hang onto the floatie line and watch people perform their wake-up rituals – stimulating in its own right. Then, maybe it’s over to the pool to cool off, and get a refreshing drink from Delroys – better service from the pool side than on the beach side. Then over to the hot tub, if they’re not skimming the flotsam from the top. Back to the pool to cool off. Then down to the beach to sweat some more. If only the real world were full of such difficult choices.

Rafts (the inflatable kind). You can certainly bring your own. Or not. There were plenty available when we were there. The staff piles them up under the beachside trees. We never saw them ALL being used. Just be considerate. If you see someone else’s name on the floatie, with a current date on it, it’s taken. Choose another; there are plenty. Or just swim out. Or jump in the hot tub….. (see above)

Tanning. Bring at least two tubes each of SPF 30 and SPF 15 (that’s 4 tubes in all). That will do for an average complexion that hasn’t been in the tanning booth. We have different skin types (Mike is average complexion and tans easily; Wendy is fair complected and burns easily), but this seemed to work for us. Lots of 30 the first 3 or 4 days, plus sitting in the shade, then switched to 15 and increased the sun at the end of the week. You don’t want to have to buy lotion at the Hedo shops – it’s $13.50 US per tube there. As you get closer to summer, you’ll want more protection. Even in January, we could see the results of 2 or 3 hours in the sun very easily. And for those of you who aren’t used to tanning certain parts of your body, don’t worry. They appreciate sun block just like other parts. Ladies: if you get your hair braided (main beach – about $40 for the whole head), be sure to wear a hat afterwards. You do not want to burn your scalp. A friend of ours learned this the hard way and it ruined her trip.

Sex

Although we are not into the lifestyle, we definitely enjoy the show. And our fellow attendees didn’t disappoint. It was kind of like having an adult movie being acted out in front of (and in some cases right next to) us. One night, we were in the hot tub, cuddling and watching and a female couple who had been drifting/ bouncing all over the hot tub came to rest right next to us. Then the action got serious (and loud!). We applauded at the end.

We were nicely asked several times to participate, but declined. Never felt any pressure to join in. We took it as a compliment that we were asked. This was one of our concerns about going to Hedo, but it was no problem. The key concept here is respect. We thought it was pretty neat to see it actually working out. Lifestylers did their thing, we did ours, prudes did theirs, and everybody got along. Now if we could just get those folks in Washington to get a clue, we could make some progress.

At one point in the week, we were in the hot tub at cocktail hour. The folks were their usual animated selves. Normally, watching oral sex in the hot tub would cancel all other plans, but it was jerk chicken time at the nude beach grill. Tough choice here, but in the end it boiled down to this: You can see blowjobs anytime at Hedo, but the jerk chicken is only served at 6 pm!. Priorities….

We saw some Vinnies/ Wallies, but they were generally not a problem. One guy we nicknamed Sergio Prevente and another guy was Mr. Wanky for his rather active marketing of his talents. They both saw their share of the action, but were never overly aggressive (I was going to say they weren’t jerks, but that wouldn’t be technically correct for Mr. Wanky - J ). In fact, they turned out to be relatively charming, compared to the guys we saw later in the week…

The last few nights, we saw some neo-classic Vinnies. These two were young, loud, and obnoxiously drunk to the point of being funny. In the disco, we saw them approaching and pawing women. We were surprised they left without a loss of teeth. (Example of one of their suave approaches: "you’ve got nice tits!") Later on, they showed up in the hot tub, acting even more pathetic. Vinnie #1 eventually got one kind lady to massage his noodle, whereupon he looked over at Vinnie #2, gave him the thumbs-up, and winked! (Do they really do that?) When we got tired of them, we decided enlist Cowboy Bruce to mess with their minds. One of them was staring at the couple next to him who were doing a breast acupressure demo for the tub. Cowboy Bruce decided to teach Vinnie # 2 a lesson by assisting the couple. Vinnie #2 kept on tapping the Cowboy on the shoulder ("mind if I cut in?"), and Cowboy kept on saying "not now…. Not now……go away!". The guy looked like he was gonna cry.

Drugs

Available if you want – just stand on the beach and wave like an idiot, especially at night. Be careful along a number of fronts. Apart from the legality issue, from what we understand this ain’t your father’s Oldsmobile. This stuff is much apparently much stronger that what we did or did not inhale back in our college years. We saw several folks staggering about late at night, but they weren’t complaining… or maybe they just couldn’t walk and talk at the same time… J

Disco

Fun for a couple of nights, but the music started getting somewhat monotonous. Or they’d play some weird mix in an attempt to appeal to multiple tastes. (Donna Summer – Madonna – Julio Igleses) For us, this was another place to see and be seen. It seemed to be more crowded earlier in the weeks.

Either the windows that look out on the main pool are corroded or the seals have broken – in either event, you can’t see into the pool from the disco bar.

Other Entertainment

The PJ Party was pretty fun. What we had thought would be outrageous wear was actually pretty tame, compared to the other outfits we saw. Some very creative and fertile imaginations out there. Tracy (aka HedoBuddah) had a great costume that won in the Wackiest PJs category – you can read about it in his trip report). And leather does look good, even on forty-year-old bodies. Wendy got creative and had her body painted as part of her outfit, and won the Best Painted Body contest, thanks to the help of our table and due mostly to the fact that she is a gorgeous and ravishing creature (sorry, I can’t help myself!).

Speaking of body painting, some mixed news here. There were two folks doing the body painting. Both Mitch and Shana (sp?) are very talented, but their style of delivery is significantly different. Shana is a very nice person, very professional and after hours will get naked like the rest of us. We liked her a lot. Mitch, on the other hand, was somewhat rude, and assumed certain liberties that shouldn’t have been assumed. He was pretty touchy-feely without permission to do so, and that made us uncomfortable. Free advice: tell him in no uncertain terms what you’re comfortable with, and then feel free to leave if he doesn’t comply.

Toga night was OK, but there was no enforcement of the "No Sheet, No Eat" rule. Plus the togas seemed to get replaced with normal clothes fairly quickly. Didn’t see anyone in the disco with togas; perhaps they all reconvened at the hot tub?

We did one clothing optional catamaran cruise over to the Pickled Parrot on Tuesday. As the surf was rough, we decided to pass on the open reef in the middle of the bay and moved over to the Pickled Parrot. Once there, we were advised not to go into the caves (too rough). The only decent coral was about 20 feet down – a bit deep for snorkeling – and the water was kind of murky due to the chop. Plus the chop kept the PP from running the water slide. So about all we could do was entertain the PP tourists with our naked bodies, or get swim suits on and use the rope swings. We did that for about 40 minutes, then headed back to Hedo. Since one of our shipmates was seasick, we decided to hug the coast to ease the motion a bit. Side benefit: we were able to moon all the resorts with better effect. Given the choice to do this cruise again, we’d probably pass. It was $40 US per person with Red Stripe, Pepsi or Rum Punch. No food. Limited snorkeling.

If you like to exercise, there’s a decent fitness room that has limited use. Lots of free weights. About 3 or 4 stair steppers and two treadmills. The one on the right works for semi-serious runners; the one on the left (closest to the corner) needs to be adjusted – the belt slips horribly and isn’t functional unless you weigh less than about 110 pounds and only want to walk.

Meals/ Pastafari’s

We read somewhere that people don’t come to Hedo for the meals. Well, it’s not the Four Seasons, but I wouldn’t complain about the food either. The service was generally excellent, and the menus were varied enough that everyone found something that fit their diets. Included in our group were vegetarians of one stripe or another, and we were all pretty happy. The salad bar is great. Fish was good. Desserts were, uh, too good.

Pastafari’s was a surprise. We originally thought this was a separate deal – pay as you eat. But it’s included in cost of Hedo. All you have to do is make reservations. We ate there twice – the food was very good and the service was excellent. All the wine and champagne you can stand. What more can we say? We felt guilty leaving without paying a tab or tipping our outstanding wait staff.

New Friends

Jamaica is wonderful – we loved baking in the sun. Hedo is great – lots of activities, great staff, nice location. And watching all the lifestyles folks cavorting was entertaining too. But the BEST part of our vacation was meeting the new friends we made - Gary & Loring, John & Cher, Bob & Mary, Kenny & Melody, Dave & Shona, Bob & Melody. There may be other resorts that have nicer accommodations, better food, more consistent water pressure or whatever. But we seriously doubt that you’ll be able to find friendlier, more open and interesting folks than the ones we met and hung out with during our all-too-short week in Negril. (We’ll never think of Viagra in the same light again, guys!) Thanks to all of you we met (and those who provided the visual stimulation – especially that 5-some on the raft!)

What were we Thinking?

Check out was relatively painless for us, but that was because we were not flying Air Jamaica. Friends of ours who were had to wait in line for 1 – 2 hours to get the pre-check in thing done. We just hopped on the shuttle for the 3-minute ride to GNAT, paid for our tickets at the Tim Air shack ($55 US apiece) and were off to Sangster. Lucked out and got to upgrade for the 3 hour flight to Philly. Customs/ Immigration in Philly was a bummer, but only because it was too easy. I told the customs person I had bought some cigars in Jamaica. He said, "Jamaican cigars, right? " Oh yeah, Jamaican. "You don’t want to buy any Cubans. No, no." (wink, wink). Damn! I could have brought a whole box. Of course, then I would have gotten somebody else at customs. Ah well.