June 15-23, 1999
I have just read the following report and find it to be dry and full of chronological events. What it is lacking is the people we met and the energy we felt while at Hedo. The entertainment staff was awesome: We were all in love with Shaka (“You see me, I see you, you see trouble” was her motto) and Marc was just so outrageous you couldn’t help but like him.
What made our trip so special was the people we met there. Jesse, Debbie, Joe and Sue were are core co-conspirators. Other people who made the trip memorable include Toni and Elena, Annette and Ken, Steve, Randy, Ellen and Jeff (I guess it’s time to mention that although I no longer practice, I AM an attorney--hope we can still be friends, J!), Michael from Dallas, Eduardo, and folks we talked to here and there like Pam and John from Houston, Pat and Dan who left just after we met them, Nancy and Dan, John from Boston, “Bicycle” Dan, the couple we referred to as the bride and groom and their friends, and LOTS of people we might chat with or be in the pool with that we never really got to know but enjoyed their friendly hellos and/or brief chats.
Things we will remember include: “God, I love this place!” “Oh, tomorrow I go from being a slut to a Mom.” “Why aren’t you dancing?” “Goat bone” “Want to take a shower?” “I’m really not this spacey.” “I want to be your Jamaica man.” “It’s the jet on the far side.” “Scuzi.” “If I went with you I’d be dead in a week!” “Now, THIS is magic!” “You are really having an international week.” Romeo and the scary woman. Tree frogs.
And now the report: We arrived at Montego Bay in the early afternoon on Tuesday amid thunderstorms. Although we did not have to check luggage on our flight to Miami, AA insisted that we only take one carry-on from Miami to Montego Bay because they had downgraded the plane. There was no problem getting our checked bags, going through customs, etc., in MoBay---it all just takes a while. Our longest wait was at the Superclubs desk: They had difficulty reaching the Timair folks to give us a ride to the Timair terminal. (What amazed me was that during our wait in the airport we received six offers to purchase the local herb!) Once we reached the Timair terminal we waited to see if there were any more thunderstorms in the area. After twenty minutes or so it was determined safe for us to take off so out came our pilot, Errol, and on to the plane. I had never flown in a four-seater but felt very comfortable with Errol’s professionalism. The view from the air was beautiful with low mountains on one side and the shore on the other with villages and rural areas in between. As promised, we arrived in Negril fifteen minutes after leaving MoBay and a few minutes after that were at the registration desk.
After filling out a few forms we were told (no surprise here!) to go have a drink and come back in fifteen minutes. By this time it was about 3:30 and still rainy. The only people around consisted of a group playing a drinking game in main dining room. We returned to the registration desk fifteen minutes later and our room was ready. We had booked Ocean Prude with hopes that we would be upgraded---and we were! Off we went to a second story room, Ocean Nude. I was pleasantly surprised by the decor of the room---I guess I expected something dark so the light, airy colors helped camouflage the structure showing its age. We had been up since 4 a.m. and decided to take a rest before dinner. (I’ll add here that the food is plentiful and our favorite meal was breakfast. I loved the fresh fruits and salad selections. Overall I found the food to be good--but certainly not excellent; many dishes looked appealing but were lacking in flavor.) After dinner was the Battle of the Sexes (“Who’s your daddy?”) which was a lot of fun to watch, unwinding after a day of traveling. We looked around and saw Jesse & Debbie and Joe & Sue (the latter were visiting from Sandals) with whom we corresponded via email before arriving. It was fun to recognize them from their pictures. Later on was the PJ party at the disco. As expected, there was everything from baby dolls and boxers to full bondage gear. It was festive and we would have stayed longer if it hadn't been so crowded in the small disco. Later on in the night we decided to go to the hot tub. I had never been to a nude beach/pool and was somewhat apprehensive (Jim had been to Hedo before) but going at night instead of midday was a big help. I found it very comfortable immediately and it set the tone for the rest of the visit.
First thing Wednesday morning we made dinner reservations for Pastafaris knowing it was the infamous ‘Oriental Night’ in the main dining room. We went to the beach in the morning and then it rained so we took that opportunity to nap and have lunch. It cleared up in the afternoon and there was body painting and games around the pool, including my personal favorite: Find your mate by touch while blindfolded. Many of us women were glad that Carlos played! We had quite a bit of rain but we took those opportunities to nap (what a luxury in itself!) and did so again before dinner. We went to the bar before dinner where I was introduced to Flaming Bob Marleys (note: don’t hesitate while sucking it up through the straw or you’ll have a VERY sore throat). Dinner and service at Pastafaris was quite good, and we also enjoyed the quiet ambiance. We were late for Las Vegas night but got in some blackjack before going to the piano bar. Lots of familiar songs there. I led the group singing “American Pie” and showed Dave the piano player my appreciation after the song was over. (If you were there you know what I mean!) Later on it was back to the hot tub for socializing.
I brought along my tennis racquet and had a good workout Thursday morning with Anthony, then after breakfast we went to the beach and pool. The rain showed up again so we decided to eat lunch in the dining room (our preference is the grill) and watch the ‘male in motion’ contest. It was still raining after that so we hung around to watch the toga tying demonstration--they make it look so easy. Time for another nap and then back to the beach and the best food at the resort: the snapper and jerk chicken at the grill. The toga party was that night and we enjoyed sitting at a secluded table with Jesse & Debbie, Joe & Sue, and Ron & Sue during dinner. Following dinner was a talent show which went on a bit long so we wandered around before the toga line and contest. At midnight was nude volleyball in the main pool and coordinator Paul was so desperate that Debbie, Jesse, our new friend Randy and two other guys said we’d play. The water was perfect and we had a great time playing, ending with flashing the disco bar (couldn’t see much from inside though---think the windows need cleaning!) Then it was, well, where else? The hot tub.
Friday morning we decided we really needed to walk the beach. We headed toward Sandals, etc., and found it interesting that although all the resorts had security at their ‘borders’ only Hedo checked to make sure we belonged. The beaches of Sandals, Poinciana and beyond were white and powdery but I couldn’t wait to get back to Hedo and out of my confining swimsuit! We returned to the beach and pool after our walk until the rains came and had lunch from the grill before (you guessed it!) our nap. Later in the afternoon we floated in the lagoon and watched the games and contests. I was the hands-down winner of Best No-Tan (hey! anything for hedo-bucks!) It rained again and our air-conditioning went out. After getting three different explanations from the from desk we saw a fan being delivered to a room. We asked if we might get one and twenty minutes later one appeared at our room! The air did come on later that night but we enjoyed the fan the rest of our week. There was the circus and beach party that night---we didn’t hang around much but enjoyed going to our special spot. Later on was the hot tub, cheering on the muff divers and seeing how many we could fit into the ‘cave.’ (We could have fit many, many more but it was more fun watching Joe try to rally everyone than actually going in.)
Saturday was our first day of no rain! It was more hanging out at the beach/pool and too much fun during the joke telling session in the pool. (Shorter? Hell, no, make my legs longer!) Marc led the body painting today and he gives Shaka a run for her money in terms of being outrageous and funny. Saturday night we returned to our special spot before hitting the hot tub.
Sunday morning I actually got up early and went to the beach for coffee. It was quiet and pleasant to sit there before the beach started bustling. Spent the morning at the pool and beach before the rain came. Some new friends had us join them for excellent cabernet before dinner. Jim was pulled on stage during the magician’s show and later on we returned to our special spot.
On Monday morning Joe and Sue renewed their wedding vows for their 25th anniversary and we were honored to be their witnesses. The vows were renewed with Rev. Campbell in the garden before returning to Veronica’s for document signing, champagne and cake (exceptionally good!) at a beautifully decorated table filled with fresh flowers. That afternoon Jim and I both had massages. After dinner the “Men of Hedonism” were introduced and that was entertaining---many appeared to be uncomfortable being on stage and then there was the one guy Tamara had to stop from stripping on stage. . . We headed to our favorite spot.
It was hard to believe that Tuesday had rolled around again and it was time to go. The week had come and gone. No snorkeling. No scuba diving. No catamaran trip or island picnic. What we did have was a relaxing, fun week. Time to be alone together and time to make great new friends. We had a leisurely breakfast with Toni and Elena before one last visit to the beach. We decided to take the bus back to MoBay because we were in no hurry and wanted to see some of the countryside. I don’t know if it was the last orange cooler I had or just soooo relaxed but I thoroughly enjoyed the trip. Our experience certainly was not the infamous “bus ride from hell” that everyone talks about.
In Montego Bay we stayed at the Holiday Inn Sunspree resort for the night as we had to be at the airport the next morning at 5 a.m. This place was more luxurious by far than Hedo and its beach was beautiful. We hated it! They actually gave towel cards and you were allowed one beach towel per day! So many rules---so organized---we grieved to be back in Negril! Our highlight was going across the street to a real grocery store to stock up on coffee.
On Wednesday morning we were back in Miami by 9 a.m. and didn’t have a connecting flight until 8 p.m. so we rented a convertible and toured Miami, Miami Beach, South Beach and even drove down to the Everglades. (A word to the wise: Don’t plan on having an intimate encounter there--we tried and within seconds there were HUNDREDS of mosquitoes all over us. We felt like the Keystone cops jumping back into the car and taking off while at the same time trying to get the mosquitoes off of us and out of the car!)
What we’ll remember next time is that there are PLENTY of rafts to use; if we want
better maid service we ask the housekeeper when her birthday is at the beginning of our
stay, not at the end; we didn’t use our big insulated cups--it was more fun to make
trips to the bar; we didn’t need all those t-shirts and shorts (we thought we packed
light!); and carpe diem!
Respect is the key,