Jim - 06/99

Disclaimer:

To the best of my knowledge and recollection, the events described below are accurate for a 45 year old!

On only 3 weeks notice I called International Tours & Cruises located in New York City about availability for HEDO II during June. I had become familiar with their tour operation after visiting their booth at the EROTICA USA convention in April. To my surprise, they offered me an Oceanview Prude room for 7 days/6 nights with a voucher for a category upgrade (as available upon check-in). SOLD!!! Upgraded my Air Jamaica flight to First Class both ways for a very small charge ($88 each way). I recommend highly that you do the same as it was delightful service and very comfortable. Both flights were on time and as advertised.

Day 1 – Tuesday

Got up at 3 am and drove to the Newark Airport and had time to spare. The 7:40 am flight arrived on time around 10:20 am. Got through customs and found the Super Clubs desk. This is only a check to see that you arrived, not an early room check-in. Waited in line for the bus and we finally were underway at noon after several demands for compensation to see that my bags were loaded from the cart into the bus. What a scam! Since this was my first time to HEDO, I was determined to rough it and try the "Bus ride to Hell" as recommended for virgins. The ride was about 1 hour and 45 minutes with a 15 minute stop for drinks, etc. at a seemingly popular shack just outside of Negril. The scenery outside the airport and leaving Montego Bay was fantastic. However, I was amazed at the depressed conditions along the winding road to Negril. Our group must have had the same "Mario Andretti" driver I have read about in other reports. There were a few hair-raising monements along the winding road and head-to-head battles for the right of way. I can’t imagine how the driver would survive without his trusty "horn." It is honk first and ask questions later. What about pedestrian’s rights? If you don’t, get out of the way, "no problem Mon!" Arrived at HEDO II about 1:45 p.m., filled out a zillion forms and was told that my room would not be ready until 3:00 pm. Just expect it! Bring a bag with a suit or essentials and just hang out until 3 to get your room assignment.. I was to receive a complimentary fruit basket, champagne, and flower arrangement. No fruit, no champagne! I also was told that there were no upgrades to the "Au natural" side and they couldn’t honor my upgrade voucher. Try back tomorrow they told me. Had lunch in the main dining room and a drink before exploring the facilities. Ventured to the nude side of the beach for the first time and shed my clothes in no time. Never looked back after taking the plunge. The only way to go!

The after dinner show was a blast with the "Battle of the Sexes." Plenty of fun and scavenger hunt stuff. Enjoyed the evening watching the show and yacking with Rocki Roads. Congratulations to Rocki and Lou on their recent wedding. The event for the evening was the PJ Party. Got out my trusty G-string and had a great time. Lots of skimpy outfits and some without any! The PJ party was held in the Disco which got hot and very crowded. All in all, a great time was had by all. A big favorite on the dance floor was "Who let the dogs out." Was surprised to see they still spin vinyl at the DJ booth. What a collection of LPs they have. One had to be assertive to get attention from the bar tenders. Too many thirsty customers and too few bartenders. After dancing for 3 hours, I headed to the hot tub for some much needed therapy. Got to bed at 3 am.

Day 2 – Wednesday

Got up thinking it was only 8 am when in reality it was 10 am. I missed breakfast too. Strangely, the in room alarm clock is powered by an outlet next to bed that is turned on and off with a wall switch that controls the lights too. Had to rely on my watch and portable travel clock. Tried the kayaking and had fun except for the resident drug dealer who nearly ran me down on a jet ski wanting to know "if I needed anything." This aspect of HEDO was a pain in the rear. Everywhere you go, someone is hitting on you to buy some drugs, shells, or some other unique item. I also tried sailing too. My advise to all is to know what waters you are sailing in. I did battle with an unexpected coral reef which stopped me cold near the Island of Booby Cay. Due to my failure to get up on time, I missed the Island Picnic which was particularly interesting due to the attendance of 3 girls from the Northeast who particularly liked girl-girl action. I was told by several attendees that they created quite a spectacle at the picnic. Little did we know the treat that was in store for later on that afternoon. After a rather spunky session of nude body painting and lots of booze, the girls became very amorous. They had linked up with another guy and girl and began some foreplay on the nude beach platform. After a short and steamy session, they later convened in the Grotto at 4 p.m. The action began and there was a feeding frenzy in the Grotto. Girls and guys were jumping in to join the action. Some serious nookie was taking place with the appointed photographer capturing all the action. Meanwhile, a multitude of onlookers were perched outside the Grotto to cheer everyone on. At the high point, I counted 10 people engaged in "afternoon delight." After about 30 minutes, the sex police came to see what all the fuss was about. They observed for awhile and finally left since an obvious mutiny would have resulted if they had stopped the party. Truly a HEDO II moment. Caught some Zzzzz for a bit and headed to the nude hot tube for some relaxation and chat. All nights the nude hot tub and whirlpool were busy until well after 3 am.

Day 3 – Thursday

Sat on the beach all day and worked on the tan. Did some snorkeling around the nude beach and even found an expensive pair of sunglasses on the bottom. It is quite an experience to float in the water and have schools of fish swimming all around you. Enjoyed my thermos of Purple Rain as expertly prepared by Delroy and Scumba. Wear that sunscreen and don’t forget to put some on those "cheeks" while floating and snorkeling. Did some shopping at the vendor tables setup at the main beach area. They have some nice stuff and it beats trucking offsite to shop. The prices are fair and negotiable.

Met a nice group of girls in the power whirlpool. Watch those jets! They can actually bruise you if you are exposed too long. The girls just loved the vertical jet near the ladder and affectionately knick-named it the "power douche." We all sipped some drinks, watched and listened to the rumbling thunderstorms pass in the distance and had a great discussion/show & tell on breast augmentation.

Day 4 – Friday

Hung out at the nude pool and beach to enhance the tan. Another night at the Disco and late night hot tub/power jet whirlpool. As luck would have it, a very noticeable infusion of "young" single females were present and checking things out at the "nude side." Had some jerked chicken and grilled Snapper at Robert’s grill at 6 p.m and was quite content. Went back to the room and rested, got dressed (yuk, clothes!). Enjoyed the dinner show featuring a female threesome known as "Ebony." Later on that evening, we were treated to a spectacular trapeze show on the beach. After the trapeze show, the fun continued at the Beach party. After a dance train I found myself committed to a team called the "Sperminators." We competed against the opposing team in a series of beach games that left some bruised and battered, myself included. Watch out for that 10 times around the dishpan. I never saw so many disoriented contestants. I am still tending to my wounds from hitting that course beach sand. OUCH!! Popped a muscle in my leg during the backwards run and could barely walk the next two days. Bled all over my nice white shorts but WE WON!!!!! After hanging in there despite the pain and licking my wounds, I loosened up at the Disco until midnight. I felt sorry for the newly arrived young girls. Every low life was hitting on these gorgous female specimens which resulted in them leaving abruptly. I returned to the nude side for some late night conversation and relaxation. The hot tub was a blessing on my injured leg muscle.

Day 5 – Saturday

Got up and ate breakfast and got ready for the Catamaran Cruise. Off we went and anchored off the coast for a 30 minute snorkeling session "Au Natural." Amazing underwater sites. Watch those mega Sea Urchins lurching on the bottom. After getting everyone aboard the cruise continued to the Pickled Parrot. I tried the "net" in the front of the catamaran and was joined by 3 lovely girls bearing it all for a photo op. Thank you girls for making my day! The catamaran anchored and everyone jumped in the water and swam to the caves. After climbling the flimbsy bamboo ladder to the surface, we all gathered around for the cliff diving activities. Everyone survived but my sympathies to the girl that landed wrong and found her side black and blue the next morning. After collecting everyone, it was back to HEDO enjoying some more Appleton, pinapple and orange juice and cool sea breezes. Rasta Ralph was a blast and directed the Limbo contest bending down under a rope. Everyone had a great time and we returned to HEDO about 2:30 pm. Off to the nude pool and some refreshments. Visited the Disco and nude hot tub that evening and sipped some Red Stripe.

Day 6 – Sunday

How sad, my last full day at HEDO. Hung out at the nude beach and pool for the entire day. Took some more photos of the place. Did the Disco thing and late night hot tub scene again. Best music IMHO is from 11 to 1 a.m. After that, good luck. To each his own!

Day 7 – Monday

Woke up and found that dreaded "eviction" notice under my door. Gathered my things and put my bag outside my door by 9 am for pickup. Said goodbye to the army of "micro ants" that shared my room with me. Hung out at the nude beach all morning until I had to go through the check out ritual at 11 am. Only one representative and lots of people checking out. The representative kept getting interrupted with nonsense phone calls and it delayed things. No problem, Mon. Got my "ticket to ride" and headed back to the nude side. Bummer, someone trashed the nude pool and it had to be drained. A very slow process so it was off to the nude beach for some last minute splashing and raft riding. Said my good-byes to my new friends and it was off to the lobby to wait for my bus back to the airport. Everything went smoothly and I am left with many happy memories and new friends. My thanks to Shiela and if you read this Laurie, you were great and I was happy to meet you and your brother David.

General Impressions

As a single, 45 year old looking for some relaxation and nothing more, I left HEDO II satisfied and wanting to return in the future. If you are single and looking for action, I would say "good luck." For the most part you will find a group of friendly people with couples very much in the majority. My advise is to act yourself and enjoy the multitude of people that HEDO has to offer. If you treat everyone with respect you can have a great experience. If possible, travel with a companion that will be comfortable with the "relaxed" lifestyle. For those traveling to HEDO and visiting the dark side, I must emphasize: "pack light." After my visit, I truly hate clothing! Shed your inhibitions and enjoy! I look forward to my next excursion to HEDO II. Lastly, does anyone know the answer: "Who let the dogs out?"