This report on our April '98 trip has been prepared by ourselves who in real life are hotel professionals who have conduced inspections throughout the world. We decided prior to visiting this infamous venue to compile a review of it's facilities and it's character and we hope to remain unbiased in our views - good and bad !!
We selected Hedonism and Grand Lido for a 10 night vacation because the former offered a release for us to relax and party after several months of hard work and the later offered a pampered lifestyle prior to returning home. We had read mainly good things about Hedo and as the Internet tends to give an unbiased overview we were quite happy that we had done our homework prior to setting off from the UK. We made our reservations via San Diego based Tropical Treasures who were most professional and helpful and we would recommend their services highly.
AIRPORT TRANSFER SERVICE
This is was an integral part of the package. On arriving at Montego Bay Airport we easily located the Super Clubs desk. The service was quick, efficient ( but not very personal) and included pre registration. A porter ( requires tipping) took us to the JUTA bus and we had a most pleasant drive to the resort which took around 90 minutes. Driving is on the left hand side of the road which seemed to concern some of the less travelled US persons. The driver was courteous and on several occasions gave us a description of the various townships that we passed through, even stopping to allow us to buy cold drinks and use the washroom. For the smokers amongst us, it was allowed on the bus. The driver also seemed to expect tipping - this was ok as he did a good job.
HEDONISM RECEPTION
On arrival we were stopped from disembarking by a lady who announced that there were no rooms available as they were overbooked until the following day. Over the next few days we heard many instances of this occurence including 4 single guys who were transferred to a family resort up the coast !! We were transferred to Grand Lido which is only 2 minutes away. In fairness we were told that we could use the Hedo facilities that night but all the same we were initially very disappointed. We do not want to cover Grand Lido here, that is the subject of another report, just to say the resort is very impressive although lacking in atmosphere - you sleep, you eat and you sunbathe.
The following day, after settling a bill at the Grand Lido of 64 USD for one 9 minute overseas call, we transferred to Hedonism at around 1.30pm . After the calm of the Lido, we were immediately hit by the "busy" activities of the reception - people coming and going, taxies and buses coming and going and only 1 person on the Reception Desk. When it was our turn to check in, we were told that the room would not be ready until around 4 pm so we hit the bar !
RESORT FACILITIES - Public areas
The resort is located on a sloping hill side with the main hospitality complex at the top overlooking the sea below and commands some lovely views. The bedrooms are located in long staggered runs, from the beach side up to about half way up the hill and are 2 storey constructions with views over the sea or the gardens. Each building is separated from the next by well tended gardens and paths.
The hospitality complex houses the main restaurant, Pastafari, bar, entertainment area, disco and swimming pool. Adjacent to this is the Piano Bar, gym, shops and tennis facility.
The main restaurant is where most people take breakfast, lunch and dinner. The seating is very comfortable with mainly 4 person tables. These are spread very thoughtfully to offer either open discussion or intimate privacy. Furniture standard was excellent and cleanliness was top class. Waiter service here was friendly and mainly efficient. Food was self selection from huge buffets of hot and cold selections presenting a choice for all palettes and was faultless in all aspects. The bar offered a good selection of drinks although at peak times it was difficult to get a bartenders attention. The actual drinks were in our opinion not full strength, this inclued my favourite tipple "red wine" where I managed to get through 4 bottles one night and still remain reasonably coherent ! We also heard other guests comment on the strength of the drinks so we suspect the worse ! The upmarket Pastafari restaurant was excellent and should not be missed - service, food and furniture gets 10 out of 10 !!
The pool is located on a large terrace with adjacent jacuzzi and seating. Again, everything was just perfectly clean and in good condition. It did however become a problem to locate clean towels as the day went on.
The small shops were well stocked although above average price for most things. The tennis courts were in excellent condition and clearly underused - shame ! We did not try the gym but to an amateur it looked good, if not a bit public. You can sit in the restaurant and see the people working out which we thought may put off temporary do-gooders like us from sampling the pain !
Down on the beach it was basically divided in to Nude and Prude. The Nude side was packed and there was no such thing as peace and privacy with wall to wall bodies reclining on great loungers. The Bar served barbeque type grill food at lunchtime which was again of a good standard ( except for the soggy fries !). This area also had the famous and well publicised nude hot tub / jacuzzi and sure enough there was action there even in the day time ..more of this later.
The Prude side contained yet another bar ( great eh !) and the circus area where one could experience the trapeze and trampoline under supervision. If we had any concern here it was that amateurs were allowed to climb the ladder up to the trapeze without any safety equipment attached to them and just hard ground below them. The beaches here ( 2 ) were superb and offered some peace and solitude except for the regular drug touts ( land and sea based ) who were very polite and understood the word "NO". On the subject of drugs, it was very obvious that it was available from the touts located on the beach, some of the Hedo staff and the boat sellers who cruise the resort. The sand was cleaned every day and drinks and food were never very far away. The water was warm, clean and full of beautifull fish so get a snorkel !
We were bitten by God knows what every night which resulted in itchy lumps so take some mosquito spray and some Witch Hazel.
The Disco seemed pretty tame and nor too popular.
RESORT FACILITIES - Bedrooms
We were located in room 2172 which overlooks the beach. In all it was the biggest let down and would only be rated by us as 2 star standard. Although it was as shown in the brochure, maintenance was very poor - it was dirty and in desperate need of a complete refurbishment.
The bedding was clean and changed daily as were the towels. Our main complaint was that the bedrooms let down the otherwise good standard of the complex. Bedroom furniture was wooden and has many coats of paint and had not aged well. Window frames were bad fitting with curtains that did not close properly but, worst of all, running your finger along any woodwork revealed a thick layer of dust ! The half inch gap under the door allowed unwelcome visitors such as cockroaches and small black frogs. Unfortunately, this room overlooked a group of people (complete with flag) who arose every morning VERY EARLY, based themselves outside our window and woke us up with their noise. When you have drinking until 4 am this is not good news ! Our advice, if you are a late riser, is to ask for a room on the first floor and even maybe a garden view.
RESORT STAFF
We have only praise for the Jamaicans. They are friendly, accommodating and very understanding. We have come away from Hedonism with the highest possible regards for the staff. In all the time there there was only one, a bar tender who upset us ( every night !), but this was the exception and one instance is not a problem ! They are lovely people and are well trained by the Hedonism management.
RESORT GUESTS
The mainly American market is very evident with only a scattering of other nationalities. There was a VAST range of mentalities and extremes there and it is difficult to categorise them in one explanation. We made very good friends and have exchanged email addresses with several people. We also experienced the other extreme of having to avoid certain people because of their "shall we say, desired activities". For sure, there was a hard core of swingers there, these tend to hang around the hottub area at night. Trouble was actually seen when a single guy tried it on with someones wife and when asked politely to stop he got upset and threatened the wife's husband quite violently. We also saw open sex twice whilst there. Once in the evening in the main complex jacuzzi and once after midnight in the nude jacuzzi. We also saw one bearded guy walking around with a dildo strapped on himself - strange ! We also experienced the previously talked about single guys that suddenly appear in the jacuzzi next to you - submerged up to the neck and perfectly still - what are they doing we wonder ? Yes, there are some strange persons there and our advice is to go slowly with people when you first meet them - you never know !
The local Jamaicans call Hedomism the "ZOO" because of the strange antics and personalities that go there...maybe they have a point.
CONCLUSION
The resort is great except for the bedrooms and we rate the facilities, service and the food very highly. We were put off by the fringe element who can make life a bit difficult in such a small place. For us personally, I don't think that we will return as we found that we are not the gregarious persons that you need to be for Hedonism life. If you have an attractive partner then you are continuously talking to people from morning till night as they try to establish your motives for being there. I know many people will will disagree with my comment here, but thats the way we experienced it ( we are not prudes, we tried all the facilities including the nude jacuzzi, beach etc). As a nude resort it does not stand up too well in comparison to the quality of European venues where there is a less dense populous and none of the cliquiness of the Hedonism sunworshippers.
Our comments have been thought through and are accurate as we see them. We do not want to debate them as we stand by everything written as being accurate as we saw it. This is just our personal view ( good and bad) of a very much publicised venue. Clearly the resort is popular and caters successfully for the demand of the specialist sector of the market. I just wished that I owned it !
Ian and Janice Ogden