Fourth Hedo Trip
We flew USAir from Tallahassee to Charlotte,
then Charlotte to MoBay. The flight was uneventful, except for a boring three hour layover
in Charlotte. Immigration and Customs was no problem. The Air Negril representative was
waiting for us when we cleared Customs; he took us directly to our plane. That's when the
real adventure begins. There was a very nice 14 seat, two engine plane sitting on the
runway. We were pretty excited; one of us really dreads the flight in the itty-bitty plane
(the other one always gets a migraine from the bus ride, so the plane is the lesser of two
evils!). Of course, that wasn't our plane. We waited while they took off; our plane was
the one right behind it, designed for perhaps one adult and two small children. Onto this
plane went four adults and a LOT of luggage. Our traveling companions--one of whom was a
very large seven months pregnant--were headed to the Grand Dead. We could stay at Hedo for
a year with the luggage they had! Our pilot very kindly told us to expect a bumpy ride;
the wind was really kicking up. I thought I was going to have to physically restrain
Tommy--he was ready to walk to Hedo! For all his worry, Tommy had to admit that this was
our smoothest flight ever. Delete had sent a cab to meet us at GNAT, so we were off to
Hedo.
Wayne always takes great care of us. The minute
we see his smiling face we know we're back "home". Being the terrific guy that
he is, we were pre-checked in, so there was no paperwork to do. Unfortunately, he was on
vacation, so we we're greeted by his smile. Or anyone's smile. What a downer! The girl at
the desk really didn't care if we were there or not; we were obviously an inconvenience.
She had somehow managed to check someone else into our room; she put us in a room with
twin beds and a non-functioning air conditioner. It took several trips to the front desk
to get the bed changed. We tried in vain to get a different room; this girl really needed
an attitude adjustment! After asking AGAIN if someone could please check the air
conditioner, we took off our clothes and headed to the beach. NOW we were
"home". Delroy and Scumba were their usual fantastic selves; we had a Purple
Rain and a Red Stripe quickly in hand. I still don't know how they remember what we drink,
but they do! While enjoying our first drink, we had our first glimpse of a rather unusual
couple. They carried yellow umbrellas and liked to put on exhibitions in the pool and hot
tub. She was sitting on a table in the pool; he was performing oral sex on her. He would
occasionally stop and look around, checking to be sure people were watching. She just
looked bored! This was a regular afternoon thing with them; whoever was on the receiving
end usually looked like they were getting a lecture from their fourth grade math teacher.
Go figure! Dinner was great; the ribeye was very tender. Ray greeted us when we arrived;
we had a great table. So great that someone else wanted it. When we came back from getting
our salads, a man was sitting there drinking my wine and water. Ray told him to move, but
we got another table instead; why hassle? We didn't stay for the entertainment--we rarely
do. A quick dip in the hot tub, and it was off to bed in our very hot room--no one ever
came to check the air conditioner.
Saturday we're up early, as usual. The coffee on
the beach didn't arrive until nearly 7:30; sure, you can make it in the room, but it
tastes better on the beach! Breakfast is our favorite meal of the day. Charlie is off
until Monday--we're really looking forward to one of his omelets! It's a beautiful day,
with just a few scattered clouds. A lot of people are leaving, and new ones are checking
in. We're still trying to get our room changed. At noon, they call and ask if we can
change rooms right away. Of course we agreed; before we could close our suitcases, they
called back and told us we'd have to wait. They seem to be a bit disorganized! After
lunch, they tell us our new room is ready and escort us to it. One problem--they haven't
cleaned it from the previous occupants! They did eventually get the room cleaned. We were
very happy that the air conditioner worked! The hot tub was closed all day. Someone had
regurgitated in the tub Friday night; since they had to drain the tub, they took the
opportunity to change the pump. Happy hour was hopping. Delroy was dancing, singing and
making drinks fast enough to make your head spin! When the hot tub finally opened, there
was a mass exodus from the pool--it was standing room only! The umbrella people performed
again. The hot tub police only seem to be evident at night; anything goes when the sun is
shining!
Sunday is another beautiful day. There's nothing
quite as relaxing as lying under a tree with a book, a gentle Caribbean breeze blowing,
with a Purple Rain in hand. It's almost too much trouble to go to the bar for another
drink, but we somehow manage! The Butt-Crack Tour is in full force. They are excellent
prude-alert activists--no one wearing clothes gets by without their notice. Sometimes they
were a little TOO vigilant, but it was all in good fun--and they did manage to get several
"vinnies" to shed their clothes! In the Tour's never-ending attempt to spread
joy and merriment, they organized a walk to Sandals. Led by the Reverend JimBob Feelgood,
the members of the Tour and several new "recruits" paraded down the prude beach
through the gate to Sandals. Noisemakers in hand, the Tour gave the guests at Sandals
several photo opportunities, facing the water and mooning the crowd. Some of the dead were
awakened, so the trip was deemed a success. Dinner was again good. There were several
vinnies in the hot tub. Two very attractive young ladies joined us in the tub. One of the
young "studs" slid over to the girls and asked, without so much as a hello,
"You wanna go screw?". Must not be a very good pick-up line--they said no! He
immediately left. It took his friends about five minutes, but they repeated his highly
unsuccessful pick-up line and got the same response. Everyone laughed about it for days!
Charlie was back preparing his fabulous omelets
on Monday. It was a long six months without one! It was another day in paradise. Service
at dinner was slower than I've ever seen. At one point our waiter was drinking a glass of
wine, and I was serving coffee. Something seems wrong with that picture! They really do
need more people like Cleopatra, Jillian and Everton in the dining room. Those three are
the best!
It's Tuesday, so it must be Pajama Party night.
There were huge shrimp prepared Creole style at dinner--one of the better meals! The
costumes were a little tamer than usual. One man wore a gift wrapped package over
his....well, you know! All the ladies were taking off the lid to see what was underneath.
Great idea! The couple that won the prize for "Best Bondage" really looked
great--leather, whips, chains and masks. They had a good time with it! The disco was way
too hot and smoky, as usual. A lot of people defected early and hit the hot tub. The
police are still out at night, but not visible during the day. That doesn't make a lot of
sense to me!
At the returnees "cocktail party",
Cheddy assured us that the hot water problem would be fixed in "two weeks". I'm
sure that's two weeks, Jamaican Standard Time. He also reminded everyone that lobster was
out of season, so please don't lynch the chef! The beef was so tender you could cut it
with a fork, and the shrimp was nice and spicy. Maybe that's why they have the dreaded
Chinese-night on Wednesday--everyone fills up early! We also had some awesome jerked
chicken at the nude pool. After the cocktail party, we went back to our room while they
cleaned the hot tub. Shortly after we got there, the housekeeper called and asked us not
to leave, she needed to come to the room and didn't have a key. We were a bit confused,
but no problem. She soon arrived and hinted that we should leave. We threw on some shorts
and walked up to the dining room for coffee. Once there, we found a beautifully decorated
table--Wayne had remembered our anniversary! We had champagne and cake; it was really
nice. When we returned to our room, our housekeeper had decorated the bed with lots of
flowers and had written "Happy 16th Anniversary" on the dresser. It made for a
memorable evening!
After another beautiful day in paradise, it was
time for Toga night. On this festive evening, we had perfectly seasoned New York strip
steaks, grilled to order, cooked to perfection. They looked and smelled fantastic! Only
one problem. You couldn't cut the darn things with a chain saw! Oh well, the chicken was
good. Talent contest was.....interesting. You have to give a guy credit for standing in
front of 500 people dressed in a bed sheet, singing a Pearl Jam tune acappella (and off
key!). He got a standing ovation. Only at Hedo! Then it was off to the hot tub. There were
a couple of guys trying desperately to get their togas off and light a joint--they weren't
very successful at either! They finally got in the hot tub with their togas on...but I
don't think they ever managed to light the joint. I think they had partied a little too
much on their first day at Hedo--I wonder if they did any better the rest of their trip?
Friday came much too soon. One last omelet from
Charlie, one last Purple Rain, sad good-byes to new friends, and lots of hugs from the
staff, and we were off to GNAT. This time it was just us on the plane; no problems on the
flight. Our luggage was hand searched at MoBay; they really seemed to be targeting the
men. All of the women's bags received a cursory look, but they were tearing the guys
luggage apart. Our flight was about an hour late leaving because of this. Our flight in
Charlotte was delayed, as well, so it made for a long day of traveling! Customs was no
problem, although they were taking one young man's shoes apart when we went through. Those
cute little dogs didn't like the way he smelled!
All in all, it was another great trip to Hedo. The weather was close to perfect. The foliage did look in need of a bit of rain, though. We weren't able to participate in any of the watersports due to an injured arm, so we can't tell you how the snorkeling was. The water was clear and warm. Only one pelican was in residence--I don't know where the others were. There were several "working girls" openly plying their trade. One of the vinnies was thrilled--he thought the hotel was providing the hookers! I don't understand the hot tub police philosophy. Graphic sex was allowed in the afternoons, but not at night. It was a little TOO graphic--this was the first time we've ever seen that. Service in the dining room was a little slow at times, but Ray was aware, and is working on it. The model of Hedonism III looks nice, but I don't know if they can ever capture the magic of Hedo anywhere else. The very air is different there! It was another wonderful trip, filled with good friends, good food, good drinks and a great atmosphere. Fun was had by all!
Thanks Tommy & Bren for your report - Denny