This was to be our first trip to Hedo. We weren't quite sure what to expect. We hadn't read "the book" but we had done a bit of research on-line. The deciding factor for us was that we wanted to have fun if we were to spend this much money on a vacation. It was a little scary, the thought of going to a place whose name alone meant an ethics system based on the principles of pleasure. Till we realized that we are adults and if we are ever in a situation that we are uncomfortable with we can just stand up and walk away from it. So that was it for us. Hedo, here we come. And watch out because we are now ready to "BE WICKED FOR A WEEK". We had made our travel arrangements about 5 months before we were to arrive at the resort. The longest friggin 5 months of my life. Then finally as it was approaching something happened. A $1500 auto repair bill. Obviously we weren't expecting this. We freaked at first and even considered canceling the trip. But in the end we found ways to trim our living expenses with the thought in mind that we now needed this trip more than ever. So we trudge on. Hedo, here we come. And watch out because we need to forget our lives for a week. Finally, one week from paradise, all hell breaks loose. First I break my toe at work and then we get the news that hurricane George is bearing down on the Caribbean. This could spell certain death for our vacation. AND I TURNED DOWN THE TRAVEL INSURANCE!!!!!!! Which was all for the better because the hurricane went north of us by about 250 miles and I was able to convince the doctor for the corporate clinic that I would be able to get into the ocean and play around without aggravating my injury. And the saga continues. Hedo, here we come. And look out because we are now nervous wrecks! First there was the trip to the airport when my mother, bless her for looking out for us, asked us where we were going. I told her Negril. But I knew that was not enough information for her. Of course she came back with "Do you know the name of the hotel where you will be staying? We may need to reach you in case of emergency." I simply said yes. But again I could feel it coming. "Are you going to tell me the name?" Now I was stuck. And I didn't know how to lie to her. I just couldn't do it. So I told her no. Next there was the flight. I have nothing good to say about the flight. I simply detest commercial airlines. It's not that I have some sort of phobia about flying. It is just that the planes are uncomfortable, boring, and the food, if you can call it that, is unsavory and nearly unpalatable. Finally we were there, Jamaica, our first time on foreign soil. Things were starting to really feel good. Then we got to the immigration lines. I don't know if they are always this busy but the lines were huge. There was one amusing thing that happened to us in the line though. As we were awaiting our turn to prove our citizenship to America a customs agent approached us to see if we had filled our customs cards out properly. We had not filled out the portion that asked us for the address to the hotel we were staying at because we did not know the address. So she asked us where we were staying. When we told her we were going to Hedonism she looked up to us with a sly grin and said "Oh, the zoo." What had we gotten ourselves into? The locals call this place the zoo. So we fidgeted, did our time, stood in line and soon we were carrying our bags to the check in desk. This is where the real Jamaican culture seemed to find us. Every Jamaican we spoke to until we got on the bus asked us if we needed any "Jamaican smoke". As soon as you decline that they immediately ask if you need any "candy". Again we declined. But they never left you with the impression that propositioning you for drugs is the only reason they spoke to you. They were all very nice and would carry on a conversation with you even if you weren't a buyer. Now comes the bus. Apparently this is a thing of legend. One and a half hours of pandemonium. The first thing I noticed after the initial adrenaline wore off from the first few near misses was that there were little to no speed limit signs. The few speed limit signs I saw were for speeds that we were undoubtedly exceeding. That, however, did not hamper the enthusiasm of many drivers that wished to get our bus behind them. The roads were in desperate need of repair, narrow, curvy, and littered with debris. At least until we got out of the populated areas. In some areas there were cars that seemed to have careened off the road and were stranded there to be found by scavengers who had stripped parts off them. But perhaps the scariest thing about the bus ride was the impression you got that there were possibly no laws to protect pedestrians. The resort was without a doubt the true definition of tropical paradise. We got off the bus and through the check-in process to find ourselves exhausted from our travels. Next time I will have some sort of sleeping aid to help me relax and even sleep on the journey. We got our room number then made a bee line to the room. We arrived at room 2125 at about 4:45 in the afternoon. I passed through the room and went straight to the window to see how good our view of the ocean was and much to my delight the volleyball had just begun 15 minutes earlier. That's right not only did we have a decent view of the ocean but we also had a perfect view of the nude volleyball court. Feeling a little embarrassed about staring I shut the window and read our activity sheet. There are some pretty good events on the roster at Hedo. Some of them take a little warming up to but by the end of our week we would be willing to participate in about any of the scheduled activities. After getting a feel for what the resort sanctions for activities we decided it was time to see the grounds. The entire grounds were perfectly groomed and lavish. It would take a couple more days but I would eventually discover that the grounds crew there even rake the beach every morning. Our first night at Hedo was rather uneventful except for one thing. I don't drink. I haven't drank for close to 2 years. And my wife drinks very little. But our first evening there she decided to drink wine with her dinner. Two hours and about a bottle of red wine later she stood up from the table and immediately fell over. She was completely trashed. Now I know how she felt when she had to play baby-sitter for me when I would get totally imbibed. She was very entertaining that night. Hard to handle but extremely entertaining.
Day 2: We were still getting used to being on vacation and our new environment. We didn't get involved in much we just sorta hung around the nude beach and nude pools. We did spend some time that checking out the available tours and resolved to go shopping in town the next day. The night was to be more eventful though. PJ PARTY!!!!! This is, perhaps, the best theme night that the resort offers. Lots of fun in the disco that night.
Day 3: Island Picnic. We found out after we got to the island that the island picnic is not much more than a big drinking game. At first this made me rather uncomfortable seeing how I was no longer a drinker and I didn't want to start drinking because I was on vacation. Ii didn't need to worry though. The Hedo staff is very accommodating. As soon as our "captain" saw that I was not drinking with the others he had the bartender fix me up with a cola in a beer bottle. That was great I was able to play along and for the most part no one knew the better. Then after we got back we went shopping. The first stop on the shopping tour was at the craft market. This is the type of place where the vendors tell you a price and then you tell them half of what they want then they come down and you come up. It's even a hassle to type about. But after that is over with you go to the mall. There are some great shops there and they are reasonably priced. This was also the day that the resort issued a warning about hurricane George. It seemed that the storm was passing about 250 miles north of the resort. By hurricane standards 250 miles is nothing. We could still be in danger. The winds did pick up and we got some storms but other than that it was rather uneventful. On this evening we dined at Pastafari. I found the service to be excellent, the atmosphere astounding, and the food hard to pronounce. After our experience with Pastafari we left feeling unresolved having not left a tip. To get comparable service in the states you either have to be "somebody" or have a reputation for being a lavish tipper. Then it was back to the room for a little r & r before we hit the hot tub.
Day 4: We got up and checked on the availability of snorkeling gear. But since the storm was so close the water was not suitable for snorkeling. The increased tide activity had stirred up much sand in the usually crystal clear water. Visibility was to low and the water was too choppy in the caribbean to be conducive for most water sports. Oh well back to the usual activities, pool and hot tub. Which by the way is not a bad gig. It was toga night. Expecting this to be as fun as PJ night was a mistake. I think it is a good way to loosen the prudes up a bit though. After toga night the hot tub was consistently filled with more people from the prude side.
Day 5: More scattered showers and the water was still too choppy for most water sports. But that rarely slows anyone down at Hedo. There was plenty of fun going on whether it be scheduled activities or just lazing at the pools. By this time we had met many interesting people from all over the states and many other countries. We were simply happy with the social environment at Hedo. It is amazing how differently the people acted from one side of the resort to the other. My vote has to go to the nude side. The people there were far more social and accepting. Unless you happened to be a sightseer from the prude side that had no intention of joining the party. This kind of behavior can earn many jeers. There was a group of people who consistently had a certain point at the beach staked out for their gathering purposes. They took advantage of their location near the main walking path by strategically placing a sign that bore the warning "toll road. There will be a 5 dollar charge for every item of clothing worn while passing this point". I did happen to be wearing my shorts while on my way to the swim up bar when I noticed their sign. As I paused to read the banner one of the men there said "That's good. Read the sign then pay up." I was able to escape the toll because of my argument that I would be removing my article as soon as I got to my destination and I think that the fact that my wife was nude while passing with me may have helped my cause. They were honestly just nice people who were interested in giving people a little harmless grief. After the nude volleyball I passed their way once more, again wearing my shorts. I simply rolled my eyes at them said "you again" and immediately dropped my shorts. This not only earned me cheers but I received a lifetime pass for the toll road. It was also on this day that we met a couple who were perhaps the eldest visitors to Hedo. My wife was walking by and the gentleman stopped her, looked at her, and quipped "Woman, do you have no shame?" My wife turned, stared back, sized up the jokester, and replied "No more than you it would seem." And thus our relationship began. It seems that this couple had been retired for about 20 years. Finding that out would have me guess that they were in their 80's although we never asked their age. They were wonderful people and were spending their latter years enjoying the love of travel. They had been on many excursions in the past 20 years but somehow they keep returning to Hedo. It was their tenth visit to the resort and did they have some great stories to share! I like to think of our meeting them as a reason to question the many unwritten laws that govern our tendency to make friends that are of "near age". By meeting them I found common ground that at any other place on earth we would have never found due to our tendencies to believe in some invisible barrier called the generation gap. Only at Hedo!
Day 6: By this day the waters had calmed down and we got to have some fun in the water. The parasailing is a must! It cost $70 for two people and you never get wet. The rigging works kinda like a rod and reel. They get the chute to deploy behind the boat, connect you to the line, then reel you out. Once the trip is over the just reel you back in. Very cool! By this time we were just really feeling at home at Hedo so it was a shame that we would be going home the next day. We just pretty much said our good byes to our new friends and got some pics of the resort.
Day 7: More flights. I have already mentioned that I don't care for commercial airlines so I won't go there again but at least this time it was less painful considering that I took some Nyquil liquid caps. Anyhow if you are considering a trip stop considering it and do it! There is nothing but fun to be had at hedo. Call your travel agent and make your reservation. Rich & Melissa
New mural by nude pool. Picture by Rich.