Mark & Robin’s Most Highly Excellent Vacation in Hedo, Sept 12-19, 1998.
This was the first trip to Hedo for either of us and the anticipation of our arrival in Hedonistic Paradise had been stoked for several months. We had consulted past travelers, read most all of the trip reports and stayed current on Denny’s message board. Hurry-up and soon come Mon !
You are told to check-in at the airport 2 hr. in advance of your flight. I thought this excessive until we arrived at Ft. Lauderdale Airport at 6am for our 8am flight to Mobay. There are a lot of people with tons of luggage up and moving at that ungodly hour and they were all getting on MY flight. The first clue to this cattle call was the couple before us trying to check as one piece the green canvas Volkswagen size Bag. The ticket agent was very nice and let them repack into 1254 little shopping sacks. These folks had obviously ransacked a Wal-Mart and wanted one of everything to take home.
After a layover in Kingston we resumed our trip to Mobay, our date with the "Bus from Hell" drawing ever closer but, first we must clear Immigrations and Customs. Remember to check out the far left line if there is a crowd clearing Immigrations, sometimes it moves faster. Going through the "Nothing to Declare" line at Customs was a breeze. After Customs proceed to the left and you will find a desk for SuperClubs. This is where you will leave your bags and do some initial paperwork. First Timers should consider taking the bus,, all others will catch the puddle jumper here. This is now the time to begin meeting folks and establishing new friendships. Your Adventure has begun.
Remember those silly Frat games seen in Life magazine,,,, How many people can we pack into a VW or a phone booth? If you had participated in those games you would be well prepared for the "Hedo Stuff" competition. How in the Hell we got all those folks and a mountain of luggage on that tiny little bus simply defies the laws of Physics. For those people that like things Extreme, my tip to you is to ride in the front seat. Keep in mind the roads are left drive and you will get a ride that rivaled any E-ticket amusement at Disney. Oh yeah, and don’t worry about the lack of highway shoulders or the farmlife grazing on the sides of those blind curves, your driver is well skilled in how to "Drive while Honking". The nominal charge for a beer on the bus is $2.50 each. A little steep but, LET THE PARTY BEGIN !!! There will be a comfort stop for those with tiny bladders even if it is some local persons backyard, just smile and remember to say Thank You Mon.
The Check-in process was the most stressful part of our trip. We had heard all of the stories of overbooking,, staying at GL and moving you in a day or just not getting the kind of room you requested. Once there you will understand how these kind of things happen. 3 or 4 nice Hedo staff are all working off of one ever changing list of rooms,,,, NO computers here Mon. This is a good time for you to get a drink and some food but, leave someone at the desk to keep after them for your room assignment, trade places once or twice if needed. Once you have passed The Hedo Check-in you are truly in Paradise and the Hedo Mystique begins to work it’s magic. Take your Watches off and bury them in your suitcase. Time takes on another dimension here. Don’t worry about missing anything, you cant do everything anyway.
At the back of the main dining hall is a chalk board listing all of the days activities, times are in Jamaican (approximate). Get a drink at the main dining room bar and go get rid of your luggage it is now time to Explore. Wanting to be Naked as quick as possible our exploration of the Prude side was limited until later in the trip. When we did go to the Prude side we found the circus trapeze and several wood carvers selling wares. The Prude pool is the nice big one beside the main dining area. BTW, Lori, Gary, Dean, Karen, and Robin they do really want us to wear a suit when swimming at lunch time L. Also beside the main dining hall is Veronica’s, Pastafari’s and misc. shops. The Disco is beside the Prude pool and not difficult to find after it gets Cranked Up at night. Cotton balls for the older ears is a nice idea.
Let me say right now,, Robin and I had a great time and made many new friends. We enjoyed our trip and any petty annoyances I mention are just that, Petty! Added together they still wouldn’t/won’t keep me away or make me regret our trip.
At Hedo time moves strangely and after a few days you will find yourself kind of lost in how you recall the previous days events. A few daily notes jotted down might be nice for later recall but, this smacks of a routine and at Hedo nothing is Routine. Think of short Naps in the afternoon and/or early evening as Energy Fill-ups. The Hot Tub is usually alive with action until the Wee hours of the morning.. Hint-Hint.
Allow me to switch presentation style now as there are lots of things I want to mention and I don’t wish to get lost daydreaming about what I did or missed.
FOOD:
The food in the main dining hall is good overall. It is true that the Jamaicans don’t have a clue as to how to cook Chinese. Each day at every meal there is a boatload of choices of what to eat. You will find more offerings in salads and cold foods then in hot foods but, don’t worry you wont go hungry. There are desserts and fresh fruit at every meal as well. Beware,, the catsup is unlike Heinz or Hunts and is very sweet and fruity in flavor, and the salt shakers are always frustrating due to the humidity and the 3 tbsp of rice in each shaker. The food at the Nude beach grill is good and the service is fast and friendly. The much talked about Pastafari’s offers excellent food and impeccable service,,, just plan on spending 2 hours for your complete meal and don’t do it on Lobster night. We did manage to smuggle in a plate of Lobster tails so as not to miss this blessed event. During our week Go Classy Tours sponsored a breakfast on the Nude beach each morning. Thanks GC it was greatly appreciated.
DRINKS:
This is an all inclusive resort and that means that all you can drink is included too. The best tips I can offer here are; don’t try to drink Jamaica dry,, it ain’t gonna happen and you will just get tanked and miss a day in paradise. Bring a large insulated mug to reduce bar runs, remember to ask others if you can get them something from the bar and watch out for those Mudslides!! They are like drinking a Chocolate Milkshake and can loosen up a woman faster than Leonard DiCaprio. The service at the main dining hall bar was frustrating at times, I don’t enjoy being ignored by 3 bartenders while they do non-essential tasks. Don’t lose your temper. The bartenders I believe would just rather look at a pretty scantily clad woman that’s all. Problem solved! You will find two or three 24 hour combination soda and beer dispensers located through out the resort so you will never run completely dry. Ice and cups were always available at each dispenser. BTW, they do not have any Peppermint Schnapps, Oh what the Hell, Mudslides will work.
ROOMS:
Our room on the Nude Beach was large, comfortable and clean. It was missing a CD player but one request to the front desk brought one quickly. The housekeeper did an excellent job of righting our daily trashed room. After leaving 2 lb. of sequins and glitter all over the place I felt a tip was in order and discreetly left one. We were very fortunate that most of the couples in our group were located close together in the Nude beach side building. It made visiting and borrowing much easier. When getting ready for dinner, Toga night, PJ night or anything else, leave your door open. You will meet lots of nice folks this way. It is kind of weird meeting people while in various stages of undress getting ready for an activity but, it seems very natural very quickly. An open door is an invitation to visit. Be part of the paradise experience not just a visitor behind the door in your cubicle. Of course, while having Sex you may want to pull it closed,,, don’t worry though, folks will still be able to share your experience listening at the bathroom window. Robin fell in Lust/Love with the mirror on the ceiling. Hmmm, sounds like a home improvement project calling.
NUDE CRUISE:
Be sure to go on this trip it will only take a few hours of your time. You will get a chance to snorkel, swim, cliff dive, rope swing and generally act like you did when you were a kid back in your favorite mud hole or pond. Drinks are served on board and a video tape is made of your outing. The cruise was $40 per person and the video was $35. You will later appreciate the video while decompressing from your Hedo experience. Trust me here folks I ain’t lied to ya yet. The scenery of mansions over caves is something else to see. The water is clear blue and very inviting. The catamaran staff are unobtrusive and yet there when you need them. This trip is a winner! Too bad my best picture from Hedo of Robin doing the Nude Limbo cant be shared at work. J
TOGA & PJ NITE:
These two nights are not to be missed! This is your time to shine, to see and be seen. Take extra accessories for making your toga and to share. Robin went as the Whore of Babylon and I as the Pimp of Babylon. I had a lot of fun in the previous weeks making a toga and therefore had plenty of time to Pimp it out. I still cant believe I strut so well, Damn! We took and shared with our friends extra gold rope, trimming material, glitter, sequins, etc. Robin won a cat cruise in one of the toga events.
PJ night begins at 11pm, so get a nap first as you will be up until at least 1am. Robin wore a beautiful beaded one inch wide mesh sheath with a black bra and panties. I wore a backless 2 pc tux purchased from a local exotic dance supply store. You know the store, it is the one on the seedier side of your town. For us, part of the Hedo experience was shopping and getting ready for these events. An unexpected upside to these shopping excursions was seeing all of the new Must-Have toys and accessories available today. During our trip an independent film company from England was on hand filming a documentary about Hedo,,, maybe Robin and I will be on the BBC or HBO in the coming year. Of our group of new friends 5 couples won in various categories on PJ night. Gary’s latex shorts were too kewl for words and Karen’s painted body was also a hit. And of course Robin & I were Da Bomb. Take that Zoo Crew!! The Horny Hedo Hellions Rule!
GAMES:
Throughout the day the Hedo staff encourage you to participate in games ranging from body paint contests to best dirty joke telling. At lunch time in the main dining hall they have given a new twist to Musical Chairs. Thanks for the bite Lori, I loved it! More games are played beside the Nude pool. For playing these games you accrue Hedo Bucks that are redeemed for liquor, hats, shirts, etc. check constantly on their availability, the shirts go fast. Once you begin to participate in the games your quest for Hedo Bucks grows but, this is the only similarity to real life you will find at Hedo.
HUT TUB & POOL:
I must tread delicately here. The Nude pool has a swim up bar staffed by Delroy and his assistants. You can order food from the grill and eat/drink while swimming in the pool. There is an elevated jet pool that seats 8 to 10 folks comfortably and allows everyone a chance at sitting on a jet. Ladies take note, The floor jet is Wickedly strong! There is a small wading pool that is nice to set up in a lounge chair and enjoy the cool water spraying forth from a mister and a fountain. On the edge of the wading pool is the Grotto or Fornicatorium. Go through the waterfall and take a seat, oh yeah,, take your lady too! It is cool and semi-private. Go ahead and indulge in something perverse it’s Okay or at least that is what I told Robin.
The Hot Tub is shaped like a very large 3 leaf clover and holds an incredible number of folks. Of course the more the merrier. The much talked about Sex Gestapo were not present during our trip, however, there were most evenings a very inconspicuous guard nearby. His presence was welcome and not intrusive. The games played in the Hot Tub range from just sitting and holding your mate in a soft embrace to all out Sexual Olympics with no commercial interruptions. The ever present Vinnies and Wallies were there but not much of a factor. There is something very erotic and different about sitting naked in a hot pool of water late at night with someone very special to you. I would recommend the world try it sometime. The friendships we made there hopefully will carry forward into other times and places.
MISC. THOUGHTS:
One of the few rules at Hedo is that you dress for meals in the main dining hall. They do not tell you what you must wear or how to wear it so you have a lot of room here to work in. You can choose to go island casual with shorts and T-shirts or dress up a little bit. At breakfast and lunch towels, shorts, T-shirts ,etc are fine but, for dinner Robin feels that it is more fun to wear something nicer and somewhat revealing. Several ladies in our group wore very sexy and revealing things adding to our meal time enjoyment. wouldn’t you rather look at a sexily dressed lady sitting at your table?? I know I did !
Sad to say but sometimes guests can and do get a little out of hand and make inappropriate advances to the ladies. Men watch out for your dates and be ready to step in and take control of the situation. This only happened a couple of times but it was enough to make the ladies uncomfortable. Report such behavior to the resort manager.
Prior to this trip we set up an Email ring of folks going at the same time. The ring allowed for anyone to send a thought or picture to the entire group at once thereby keeping the anticipation level high. Also, it gave us a leg up on meeting folks and very quickly new friendships were born. Too Kewl!
The Horny Hedo Hellions had some great plans for pillaging and plundering and sad to say accomplished very few of them but, we had a great time and Hey,,,, There has to be another trip!
Bring toys and noise makers for the various contests,,, judging is done by noise level.
Bring several cameras. They have them in Negril for an average of $20 USD. These are the same cameras at Wal-Mart for under $7.00 OUCH !!
The service from the resort staff was great. The grounds were always clean and well groomed, our room always clean and the wait staff in the dining hall always ready to clear away your plates or refill your wine glass.
Read the different trip reports for items to take and remember if you try to do it all you will not have relaxed and allowed the Hedo Mystique to work.
Feel free to contact me or Robin about anything specific you may be thinking at,,,,, Markdalark@aol.com
Irie,