On Decmeber 29th, 1998, three young men took a journey into a place where they could never emerge the same. On January 5th, 1999, they emerged different from what they could have ever imagined. They had tans...
So begins the story of Francis, X, and Jason. Since HedoHenry already compromised my identity in his trip report, I must go as my own name; however, I have changed the names of the other two to protect the innocent. I just hope I can remember to call Horatio and Laurie by their proper names if the need should arise.
The three of us flew in at different times, so there's not a holistic view of the trip in. So, I'll tell it to you as I see it. I took the bus from Mo Bay to Negril. There's construction on a new road from MoBay to Negril that's supposed to be completed sometime late in the summer of 1999. With the progress, or, more specifically, the lack thereof, I doubt that they'll reach their goal. The roads are poor, but not unbearable. Of course, I've seen the roads of the Balkans, so my frame of reference was skewed. The bus ride took about two hours, and that was without a stop. The driver wanted to stop at one place that I suspect housed many of his friends who were more than willing to sell us ganja or simply take our money. There were only three of us on the bus, and we ranked getting to the resort as quickly as possible higher than stopping and seeing the scenery along the way. Mary Jo came up with a good idea on the subject: bribe the drivers. Unfortunately, I didn't think of this, so I had to suffer through two hours of fidgeting with anxiety until I got to the hallowed grounds.
Upon arriving there, I was greeted by a quite friendly staff. Actually, the lording was something I was not accustomed to, and they seemed quite perturbed that I was capable of handling my own bags. For the people who haven't gone, remember, let them take care of you. One of the few pieces of advice from Chris Santilli's book, The Naked Truth About Hedonism II that I did not heed (did you like the shameless pitch there?). I had booked directly with Super Clubs, and, surprise, I was not on the list of guests when I arrived. I had, though, brought every piece of paperwork that they had ever sent me, and within 15 sweaty minutes, I was assigned a room. I was in room 1151. I intentionally picked the garden view because I had heard too many horror stories of people getting naked beach rooms only to wind up in garden view. So, I figured, I could only go up. It was adequate--seemed like a Comfort Inn minus the water pressure, but I didn't go for the hotel rooms.
The first order of business for me was to explore. The exploration got as far as the prude beach bar (shame--I should have at least met Delroy first). There, DJ, one of the bartenders, plied me with drinks much stronger than I could have imagined. At some point, Francis and X showed up. After dinner, I was ready for a nap. I thought I'd wake up in time for the PJ party; I didn't. It was a shame, because I was prepared. Oh well. So, you'll have to ask someone else about the PJ party and the battle of the sexes.
From there, things start to fade, haze, and cloud into each other. The next day was, I think, the toga party. I also met Mary Jo and Jon and "Horatio and Laurie." MJ and Jon were great folks and they buddied with us for the rest of the time. Thanks, y'all. If I'm ever in Dallas, I will definitely take you up on the offer of home cooking. Anyway, the toga party was interesting. You saw all sorts of types there. Francis won the grand prize (a catamaran cruise) because he could strip and redress the quickest. It's not hard when your toga is a pillowcase. Unfortunately, my duck was better dressed than I was...still, you see folks who really get into the Romanesque motif, and that was really neat to see. The range was from tasteless to classy. The guest talent show was also quite nice. Of course, I had a predisposition towards the gal who sang the Titanic theme...
On New Year's Eve, we went on the first of two catamaran cruises for the week. This was the one that went to Rick's. I had heard that it was a local legend, and I can see why. It was fun to watch the cliff divers and play with Rasta Ralphie. Rasta Ralphie was the onboard entertainment and a heck of a limbo artist. The catamaran cruise is highly recommended. The New Year's Eve party itself was quite nice and very crowded. The band was above average, and all in all, it was enjoyable.
I'm not even sure what happened chronogically after that for a couple of days. I did take some tennis lessons, which were OK. I found out that I had lost quite a bit from the days of the high school tennis team. The gym facilities are adequate but not great. I guess the Hedo staff counted on you getting your exercise through different means.
New Year's night was the night of the staff talent show and beach party. The staff are indeed quite talented (particularly Marc--unfortunately he leaves in a couple of weeks, Tamara, and Louis), and the show was fun to watch. The beach party was a BLAST. It's not for the weak at heart or legs, but it was my favorite night. Of course, that could have also had something to do with the aforementioned singer. We also went to Veronica's. MJ's not a bad singer, either. The guy who was at the piano was a hoot and really kept everyone going and everything together. He's great, and he's a lot better than most of the dueling piano players that you see in the States.
The next day, we went on the second catamaran cruise (at half off--yippee!) to the caves. The snorkeling was nice, although I have nothing to compare it to, since it was the first time I'd ever been snorkeling. It was also the first time I'd ever been cave swimming, although I had expected it to be more of a spelunking expedition than it was. Rasta Ralphie was there again, but the rum punch beat me before I could beat him at the limbo. And I wanted a hug from him...
The rest of the time was spent primarily with Desdemona and Beatrice (the names have again been changed to protect the innocent). So, it's mostly a blur. I do remember Elvis being a really good singer, and me proving that I couldn't do much of a swing in the competition (of course, having a cute partner always makes you look good). Francis and I tried to compete in all of the games possible. You're not going to have fun unless you participate. Marc also set us up another drinking game on the spur of the moment. Unfortunately, that made me want to take a nap (again), so I have no idea what happened on the last night. And, yes, Laurie deserved to be chucked into the pool. Thanks to Horatio and Henry for recruiting me.
So, was it worth it? Yes, but I have to qualify that answer. It was worth it because we went in with no expectations about using up the world's condom supplies in the course of a week. We beat the Hedo odds, yes, but that's a function of luck and timing more than anything else. The odds for single guys are quite stacked. I'd say that, once you take away the married couples, the ratio was something like 15-20:1. There were some Adonis, buff, suave types that spent their vacations quite frustrated, and some vinnies that deserved to be frustrated. Hedo III is opening up in the fall, and if I could write an open letter to John Issa, I'd suggest that he'd get a little better return ratio if he advertised to different demographic groups for each place. Don't get me wrong (I expect my mailbox to be crowded with flaming hate mail and death threats if I'm not careful here! <grin>--Hedo II is fun, but it's as fun as you want to make it. If your idea of fun consists of finding beaucoups single gals, then you're better off taking a singles' cruise or going to Florida/Cancun. If you just want to kick back and do whatever the heck you want, then you should go to Hedo. Of course, MJ and Jon can attest to the roots of my attitude (remember the book that I finally brought on the last day?). Honestly, though, I think I would have enjoyed it more if I would have brought a girl with me. It's kind of difficult to sit lost in your own thoughts at the nekkid hottub at night and suddenly see a voyeuristic expose and not think, "Dang, where do I get one of those?"
Still, I'm glad that I went, and I'm glad that I stayed predominantly on the nekkid side. The nekkid side was a lot more crowded, and the people were more fun. And if anyone knows who the culprits were who started chucking water balloons at Francis and I as we were sunning on one of the nekkid floats, let me know. I have a water balloon for them...
If you have any questions, please feel free to ask me. I'd be more than glad to answer them.