Trip Report 11-19 to 11-27:
Hey kids !!! Wheeeew !! Back at last. This report may serve more to some of the "vets" than the curious but here goes.....
Air Jamaica out of Philly on the 19th: Surprise ! AJ does not originate out of Newark anymore a part of the MoBay route. The flight starts in Philly now. The problem now is that the arriving crew from the evening before must take the mandatory 12 hour break before flying again. Therefore, if AJ arrives late into Philly...they are late going out the next morning. Guess what - we were late going out by almost an hour. US CUSTOMS HAS GONE BALLISTIC ! We were permitted to board the plane in groups of 5 only...as 5 USCS agents (undercover) gave us pre-flight interviews in the boarding gantrys. How much money do you have, why are you going, who are you seeing - very intimidating. I expected this on my return (more later on that) but who knows ?! I hoped the Yuengling lager from the FC lounge (6 pack) for the old carry-on that I had wouldn't be taken. It wasn't - thank goodness. The same went for the cheese steak mission (for my AOL friends). AJ has also added McDonnell-Douglas aircraft (don't ask me the specific type - it's an MD-something or other). PLOT POINT !! Ask your TA if you will be flying on an A-300 airbus or the MD's if you're considering First Class. The MD's DO NOT have movie screens so if you think the movie is better in FC think again - there isn't one. Also, the legroom is not much better than in Coach. Sadly - AJ has started to downsize their food portions slightly but the quality is still top notch !! Day-old JA newspapers were still welcome and available. We did manage to make up some time and arrive only 25 minutes late.
MoBay: Sangster is preparing for a multi-million dollar overhaul and upgrade recently approved by whatever powers-that-be. It will start within a few weeks. It will bring hundreds of jobs - no doubt performed by 3 people - ha ha - to the area. Well, the luggage carousel broke and we waited 20 minutes for our luggage. Luggage in hand finally it was off to Customs. My prized package of frozen cheese steak meat (discreetly stashed under my baggage) was immediately spotted. When I told them there was frozen food inside they immeidately put me in the "declaration" line where many Americans were being totally searched (luggage - item-by-item). I was told to open the box. I was given a double- edged razor blade (no holder) and opened my tightly sealed cardboard outer box and removed the cooler. HOLY MAGIC TRICK BATMAN - the cooler had been opened in Philly and resealed with bright yellow US Customs packing tape around it and repacked EXACTLY as I'd had it prior to departure. Yikes !!! Pleasantly surprised I figured I'd breeze right through....WRONG !! I had to open the cooler then have an inspector look through it. Dry ice - NO MON..no frozen meat allowed. I told them USCS said it was OK. After my defiant (but careful) stand the inspector said I would have to pay a duty on 6 lbs. of rapidly- thawing meat...hmmmmmmm.....$12 US should cover it. I gave $15 and was told - sorry mon - we can't make change. $#%@& !!!!!! Found $12 exactly and paid the tax - RECEIPT PLEASE !!!!! Got it. Luggage next....uh-oh - 18 freshly baked rolls, one jar of pickles, my B & D get-up for PJ nite...a few dirty looks and finally - off to Tim Air with my slightly disgruntled travelling companions.
Tim Air was on time. TRAVEL NOTE: There is a nice beverage stand outside the terminal by Tim Air now - with very cold HEINEKEN and Red Stripe. My travel partners and I were pleasantly surprised to find Heineken for only $2.50 US !!! Pour-some-more por fa vor !!! Ya mon !! Brews in hand it was off to Negril in the 6-seater with air conditioning. The aerial views of Norman Manley Blvd were quite telling. The road is under construction with many of the sharp curves being straightened out between Green Isle and MoBay. This has necessitated cutting into the mountains to cut channels between the hillsides. It looks like there's 50 to 75 foot high "walls" in some spots where they've cut it out. It is graded in many spots and when complete will be 4-lanes - 2 in each direction. Who knows when it will be done.
Nice landing at GNAT.
The newest and (possibly nicest structure) in Negril is now next to the airfield - a gas station - Petro-Con. It is probably the only AM/PM, On-the- Run, 7-11 whatever convenience store/gas station in Jamaica. It's gorgeous !! It's really funny to look at it when you see all the squalor around. It has a roof and 2 pump islands just like here the States. We all shared a laugh when my travel companion said they screwed up because they made the width of the pump islands too narrow so that the planes couldn't "drive in" for fuel !!! Damn, that Larry is funny !!!
Doug, please GET TO HEDO already....Man, you're boring !!!
Fine !
Took the shuttle offered by the hotel. TRAVEL TIP: Have your air carrier at Negril call and get you a FREE ride to your resort FROM the resort. The taxis at the airport are NOT free to your destination and the drivers will try to avoid any discussion of those issues. You'll save 5-10 bucks knowing this.
FINALLY - HEDODUDE COME HOME !!!! Exiting my cab with cigar in hand (and a Heineken) I proclaimed in my best Bill Murray impression from "Stripes" - "What the....A SURPRISE PARTY ...you knuckleheads - I'll kill ya !!!!! " Sadly, my porter friend Tony was on vacation this week and I always look forward to seeing him. Signed my papers in 30 seconds flat and off to the dining room to meet my sig-other "the author".
Bodily fluids exchanged - we were soon off to the beach. Having never been to Hedo at Thanksgiving before I can honestly say that it is truly a great time to be there - very relaxing yet energized.
Weather conditions were quite good. I experienced rain only twice while there and as usual - mid-afternoon.
For those not aware - the old mural near the hot tub has been totally repainted in a Garden of Eden landscape. It is absolutely beautiful, brightly colored and depicts Adam and Eve (nude) with streams, waterfalls, jumping fish and lush vegetation. It looks somewhat reminiscent of the inside of my Allman Brothers "Eat A Peach" record cover. Too much ganja or mushroom tea and this art may be the only entertainment you'll need. The face on "Eve" is eerily lifelike and looks more real the closer you get to it.......yikes !! The conch shell shower at the base of the mural has been painted as well, outside and inside. It is painted in rich blues reflecting an underwater landscape with coral reefs, and all forms of undersea fish and creatures. VERY nice - all of it.
Another neat thing that has evolved at Hedo has been the painting of rocks by guests. Names and dates - often done with nail polish are left in various places for viewing. There is/was an artist(s) who has painted full murals on stones which are now lined up next to the shower/mural area. I tried to find out who did them but was unable to get an answer.
Delroy is quite well as is Scumba and the rest of the staff on the beach. Robert Kerr is building a 4-bedroom house (with 3 bathrooms) in the hills above MoBay. It is his hope that many of his American friends can visit him there. How nice !! Indiana continues to pick up speed as Robert's understudy. She now pre- prepares the jerk fish and chicken served nightly. It is VERY good. I think Robert trained her TOO well.
OTHER STAFF STUFF:
Karl - aka "Jazzbo" was on vacation as well. Augustus was doing his best to fill his shoes. Tina - the Canadian masseuse has returned to Canada after many years at Hedo. Her common-law husband Colin still lives in Jamaica and works at Hedo. Charley is still flipping omelettes as always and all of the other staff are well. Delete and SueJean are doing well at their tour desk/carving station duties. Despite having to leave Veronica's - they're both quite happy to be on "day shift" in order to have social lives outside of Hedo.
New Entertainment Manager Eladio seems to be doing a good job. Interesting fellow to say the least.....Tavis, Tamara, Shaka and Lewis all doing well although Tavis was quite ill for 2 weeks with bladder infection and in Ocho recuperating. He's back on the job and feeling better. Robyn, the - well, androgynous coordinator has mellowed QUITE a lot. He's almost silent compared to his early "flaming" days. His Madonna impression from Evita in "drag" is really neat.
BIT's and PIECE's:
HEDO III Kevin Levee is leaving for H-3 soon.
Reliable sources are reporting that there will a "dress code" at Hedo 3. No thongs or swimwear in the main dining room or other scanty attire. A few of the planned restaurants will have jacket-and-slacks requirements. Simply stated - don't look for the same old Hedo in Runaway Bay - think Grand Lido Hedo. VERY upscale rules will be in place.
Construction of H-3 is AHEAD of schedule with a possible June '99 opening.
Hedo II stuff:
There's a trade off in the disco AC situation. The disco is now frigid and the bar is a steambath. I summized they just saved money by switching the bar unit to the disco ducts but that was not the case. As usual, the wrong units were ordered and delivered so more delays there.
Replacement AC wall units for EVERY guest room are on the way. They're all shot. Let's see if they buy filters too !!!
The old clock radios have been placed back in the rooms to compliment the CD players. YEAH !!!! No more missed breakfasts I hope....
Piano Bar - David continues to improve at the piano. He'll never be Lenworth but he's definitely getting better with his "rap" and his playing. The smoke is still a very big problem. I think they set a record for broken glasses this week. Every minute it seemed there was a crash. His X-Rated version of "Lucille" by Kenny Rogers is a hoot !!
Disco Doin's: A random poll at repeaters party asked the guests if they wanted rock n roll or reggae played in the disco and other areas. An overwhelming response for reggae was made by the crowd - there you have it !!
TV Room - Wow - a very nice addition. Home theater sound, acoustic draperies and 150-plus satellite channels. It's in the old T-shirt shop in the center of the courtyard. It is unlabeled and has dark one-way glass (to see OUT - not IN). We watched South Park on Thursday. The locals couldn't understand why they killed Kenny ?!?!?!? "Bleacher type" seating and cushions give the impression that this room was NOT constructed for TV viewing. The sig other and I had to confirm that late one night. The impression was correct. Verrrry nice place to play !!! The movie on PPV that night ? "Wild Things" !!!!
Food:
Above average. Pastafari was quite good. Service superb (thanks Denva and Kenute !!). Beef tenderloins with garnish - awesome !!
Main Room: Salads still rule as standout. Fruit selection very good. Chicken gumbo soup was a sell-out one night. Broccoli one night was raw in the steam table. Knife couldn't cut it. Pork tenderloin cuts were very good. Shepherds pie was sub-par compared to other occasions at one sitting according to the assembled table guests. Pepper steak at breakfast was good. Chocolate waffles - new and neat. Meats still prepared "rare" in the EXTREME. More well-done cuts are needed although my girlfriend enjoys hers on-the-run.
Thanksgiving Dinner: VERY nice. Numerous hand-carved whole turkeys that fell apart in their tenderness along with above average hand-carved beef Wellington. Cornbread stuffing, REAL mashed potatoes and vegetables. Cream of Pumpkin soup was yummy and black forest cake and tiramisu for dessert. Togas & Turkeys - what a concept.
Entertainment: The usual house band. Talent nights were above average with several good male and female vocalists. A male duet of "to all the girls I've loved before" complete with accents for Willie Nelson and Julio Iglasias was very nice. A J Brown, Jamaican and famed Vegas-regular performed on Saturday night in concert. A J is a very good performer and usually only comes to Hedo for Anniversary or other major events. His big hit ? THE BIG BAMBOO !!! Elvis - well, you know.
Other Celebrity Spottings in '98 so far: Former football great Jim Brown (w/ bodyguard - go figure), Wyclef Jean of The Fugees - performed on Toga Night in the summer. Boyz II Men at Grand Lido, Celine Dion at Breezes. We did have a guest who VERY strongly resembled Richard Gere yet assured us his name was Tom, a businessman from NYC who travels a lot.....jury is STILL out on this.
Beach Bums: The nude beach security was much improved with regard to prudes and other annoying persons. NO SEX POLICE !!!! Sadly, we were approached by a local one afternoon on the beach and asked rather loudly if we needed coke or HEROIN !!! We immediately called in security.
Butt Crack Tours - this rag-tag group of fun seekers, loosely organized but strong in number held 2 parades to Sandals and Mariner Resorts on Tuesday and Thursday. This writer brought his Jamaican flag from home - acquired an American flag and a shuffleboard stick for a flagpole. A drum major was born !!! Off we went. Tuesday was well attended. The horrendous smells of dead sea life are all over Sandals and beyond. It's odd that the smell ceases at Hedo's guard shack. Many cameras emerged from guest rooms as reverend Jim-Bob Feelgood led his flock to convert more followers next door. Only a handful of other resort guests returned our requests for their nudity in exchange for photo op's of us. Most of these folks were downright miserable. Our Thursday Macy's Day Parade was stellar with 81 - yep - 81 marchers. An incredible sight to be sure. Armed with shaving cream suits, dildos, condoms and kazoos we marched through the main dining room during lunchtime spin contests. The coordinators tried to stop us but we would not be denied. Then - it was off to Sandals; et al. The same sour-pusses were out as previously. We succeeded in pissing them all off.
OTHER NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENTS:
The Barber of Negril and "The Hairless Club for Women" was in full operation. A total of 13 lovelies were shaved poolside. Thanks to Alan and Rick for their efforts in this "area" - ha ha. Oddly, as this event took place - Cheddy Parchment the resident manager walked by and said nothing. However he did ask a woman to get her butt cheeks off the bar top.
A certain lady who shall remain nameless - mastered the art of "loading" herself in the cold jacuzzi and "shooting" a 6 ft gush across the deck at least 15 times. Talk about photo op's !!!!
SA in the PA was rare. The cave had almost NO takers. The hot tub was only really charged up after midnight. There were fewer single men than on other trips.
Prostitutes - everywhere you looked ! At dinner, on the beach. On PJ night they sat lined up in the bar like a junior high dance - almost laughable. They were easy to spot since they wore the same clothes all the time - every day. One travel companion responded to my observation by saying "since they're in those clothes so little - they probably don't get dirty". I busted a gut on that one !
Iwo 'Gina - an hilarious photo shoot captured on the jetty whereby the Iwo Jima flag-raising of WW II was copied with a Hedo twist. As cameras recorded the event, a supine female with upraised spread legs laid on the rocks as 5 "soldiers" raised the Jamaica/American flagpole from our parades on "Mount Itchypussy" in chilling similarity to that of the Iwo Jima Memorial in Wash, DC. The sight was hysterical. The flagpole was then retired to Delroy's where it was raised over the bar for permanent rest.
Delroy's Birthday - Thanksgiving Day. Many congratulations offered to our favorite bartender and a few discreet "shots". His true age is still - unknown.
Nude Twister - always funny. Tie-dye days were good and body painting was typically fun. A new game "Fish A Prize" is fun - bottles of booze are place on the tables in the pool and each participant gets a fishing rod with a plastic ring on it and attempts to "hook" the bottle. You only get 30 seconds to try.
The chilled fresh fruit bar at the beach grill was nice too.
Cheese Steaks - oh yeah - we remember. This writer and Robert prepared over 14 steak sandwiches for those who requested them. The results were quite good and we even made a few Jamaican fans of the sandwich. We hope to do it again in March (remember Customs ??).
Leaving Jamaica on Friday. No problems - no hand luggage searches AT ALL !!
Air Jamaica was again late into MoBay from the Bahamas to get our bunch. They were out of vodka and other items and barely had the plane cleaned. Coach ate before the first class folks and service was a "bother" to this crew. Back at Philly - Immigrations and Customs were just as serious as leaving. A thorough search of ALL of my belongings was done by agents and 6 random "interviews" as to the purpose of my trip. Thoroughly convinced I was not Manuel Noriega after their questions - I returned home to write this report. I need a rest.
12 weeks til the next trip and counting...... Hedodude