HEDONISM II OCTOBER 10-17,1998
SATURDAY
Arrive at DFW International Airport at 4:30am Sat morning as excited as we can be that early in the morning, our pastime till take-off is yawning and checking my watch and counting the hours till we are naked and drinking. Have M&M's and a Pepsi for breakfast. Kudos to American Airlines for a smooth transition From Dallas to Montego Bay, no major hassles.
We ended up at the end of a long line at immigration in M.B. but a friendly airport worker motioned us over to a booth that was just opening, we grabbed our bags, made some deft maneuvers and were first in line, whisked through without a hitch.We had no checked baggage, bellied right up to customs, got stamped and made our way to find Air Negril. The Air Negril rep whisked us off in a van after giving me a minute to smoke a cigarette. We had just enough time to have a beer and a Ting before the other 2 couples that were headed to Negril arrived. We were lucky enough to get the big 14 seat plane and touched down (the runway looks very very short from the air) at GNAT after just a very few short minutes. The lady at GNAT said that Hedo had just sent a van, and he pulled in just as she got the words out.
Check In with Lifestyles Tour & Travel could not have been simpler, signed 3 pieces of paper, verified the return flight info and was handed keys. At that time there were only 2 other rooms ready, so I was glad that we had opted for Air Negril instead of the bus, we heard many others that arrived even a couple of minutes after us had to wait for a room. In addition to the insulated mugs LT&T had sent us, they gave us some neon orange shoelaces to wear around our necks and keep our keys on. The orange clashed horribly with my entire wardrobe, so I elected to spend most of my time naked. The orange color helped, since it was one of the few items I did not lose.
Hedo gave us room 2162, not the closest, but I was going to have to walk somewhere, the A/C was working so we laid down for a quick nap. I slept about 20 minutes before I couldn't stand it anymore and had to go down to the beach and see who was out. Stopped by the beach bar got a couple of drinks and headed for the nude beach. As I got nearer I began to worry, the beach was close to abandoned, you must remember that my last trip was 3 years back and the center of activity for the nude side was Delroy's Bare Buns Bar. I was practically to his old hut before I even stopped to remove my shorts, since there was nobody to complain if I didn't. As I got closer to the other end and could see the new bar, and it finally occurred to me that now the pool and new bar were the center of activity and therefore the nude sunbathers did not stretch quite as far down the beach as they once did. I slid up the bar got a couple of new drinks, said Hello to Delroy saw the huge crowd at the pool and went to have a look. Took only a few seconds before I saw some familiar faces from the E-Mail ring we had circulating from Denny's web page. I introduced myself to a few of them and settled in for some serious drinking. A whole page could be filled naming the people I met, I will try not to do that since it would be boring to the people who were not there.
To say the week started off with a bang in the hot-tub on Sat afternoon would be an understatement, hold your breath for 30 seconds to re-live the moment. A couple of people started partying a bit harder than they were accustomed to and had to slow down a bit, some kept that pace for the whole week. Finally went and woke the wife from her nap, we partied till it was dinnertime. Made it to dinner, checked out the TV room, decided it was time for another nap, slept till morning.
SUNDAY
Up early since we slept quite a bit, had breakfast. Sunday was the only time we had breakfast and basically the only day we even saw the dining room before noon. Down to the beach and staked out a place in the shade. Stayed there most of the day. Figured out that I had made it back to the room with the wrong sunglasses, found the owner of the pair I had, he gave me ones that were not mine, found the owner of the second pair, he gave me a pair that wasn't mine, finally lost the pair that wasn't mine. Thanks to Paula for her diligent help in searching for them. A ring around the bottle game was played, it is harder than it looked, actually when I saw the equipment I thought that it was going to be a much different game, got Hedo bucks just for trying. To the hot-tub about 4pm, the water temp got to Michelle and she had to be almost carried home. Lost an insulated mug, 2 pairs of sunglasses and a baseball cap. Michelle seemed to have trouble with the hot-tub being a bit too hot as did a couple of others, but live and learn I guess. Dinner and hot-tub late.
MONDAY
Actually quite a bit like Sunday, except we slept in, and didn't lose anything.
TUESDAY
Eerily similar to Monday. Only day with sunshine all day. Tuesday night is PJ party, it was fun but crowded, although it was warm inside the Disco, it was not unbearably hot. Don't know if the returnee's party was tonight or Wed. night, basically a moot point, Hedo neglected to invite us.
WEDNESDAY
Slept in really late. Didn't arrive on the nude beach till almost 2pm. We were offered free tickets to the sunset Cat Cruise, sorry we didn't take them. Tried the body painting, and didn't even place in the competition, or get Hedo bucks for entering, still had fun though. The red paint is really difficult to remove. Entered the "find your mate" contest, same results as always, the girls pick the right one, then they switch them, still good for a laugh. I was eagerly awaiting the part where we find our wives, no such luck. Lost a pair of shorts. After all of the items we lost, surely our bags will be much lighter on the return flight.
THURSDAY
This is when the days really begin to meld together, you have to think about it hard to remember what day it is, then you recall you are at Hedo and don't want to think that hard, so you quit thinking about it. Woke up early for the shopping trip to Negril, had a good time, and spent all of our money. There was a local trying to sell a large tuna that appeared to have been dead for about 2 days, I really don't know what he thought we were going to do with it, we passed. Getting ready for Toga Night went very smoothly, since we had practiced at home, Toga Night is much funner when you enjoy how your toga looks. In the toga judging we even pulled off a win for best couple, I think it was me showing some leg and showing the judges my room key that swayed the voting.
FRIDAY
Yuck, the last full day, and the sun wont even make an appearance. The sun not being out was good for me, since I was going for the no-tan award, and didn't want any last minute exposure to ruin it for me. But the Chicago delegation entered Bob (a ringer) at the last minute, and I was stuck with runner-up in the no-tan award, I cried for an hour. The sun failed to make an appearance the balance of the day. We went to the front desk to inquire about the SuperClubs sunshine guarantee, and were given the official request form( a blank piece of paper) on which we were instructed to put our name address and travel date on it, and they would get back to us. We shall see. Went on a midnight Cat Cruise with the Lifestyles group, wasn't great, I think the daytime one would have been money better spent, at least the beer was cold.
SATURDAY
Up early again to leave, plane leaves at 1:05pm, so they want bags at 8am bus leaves at 9am. Say some goodbyes, get some E-Mail addresses, couple of last pictures. Only had time for a coffee and a danish. Same old bus ride, you can see the new road being built, it isn't going to be done anytime soon. For some odd reason they patch the old road with dirt and gravel as opposed to asphalt. Near one of the construction sites (for the road I think, the bus was going fast) I see a sign that the construction is a joint venture of The Jamaican Govt, The Japanese Govt, and The US Govt? Anyone know more details on that? Or maybe I read the sign wrong. Saw a couple at Sangster that had stayed at the Grand Lido, they had about 15 bags to check (all matching luggage no less) we felt sheepish with just 3 carry-ons. American Airlines did another good job on the return home with just a couple of minor annoyances. One was the seat we got on the 727-300 it was in the back row, against the bulkhead, in addition to the seat back not reclining, we had about 10 inches less legroom than the other seats. I had the side bulkhead pressed into my side, the back bulkhead keeping me sitting at 90 degrees, then the girl in front of me reclines, putting the back of her seat about 6 inches from my face, very annoying. Not even enough room to have a magazine between me and the seat in front, I am writing them a dirty letter. Item number 2 from American Airlines is that we land 15 minutes early in Dallas, then we drive the plane around every single taxi way on the tarmac, taking the long scenic voyage back to the gate, we drove (I guess we really didn't drive we "taxied" ) around for almost 20 minutes on the ground.
Back at home, cant believe the week flew by so quickly. Wanted to do so many things, just never seemed to be enough time, or you had to interrupt your drinking to go and do it. Para-sailing looked fun, didn't do it. Jet-ski's looked fun, didn't do it. Pastafari's looked like fun, didn't do it. Still had a great vacation, cant wait to get back. We try walking around the house naked turning up the furnace really high, and mixing drinks in the blender, still missing something. I was very surprised at the amount of sand that we managed to bring home in the bottom of our luggage, no wonder the beach looks smaller every time you go.
RANDOM THOUGHTS AND OBSERVATIONS
Still not sure if I like the new pool and bar area on the nude side, the facilities are excellent, but it does tend to spread the crowd out a bit, I guess once you have change, you cannot go back.
Hedonism III (from the model in the lobby) looks even worse for spreading out the crowd, I don't know if you could even find anyone there if you were looking for them.
Currently, according to their newsletter, Lifestyles does not even have an Oct 99 trip to Hedo planned, they have a trip planned to Hedo III, if it opens on time. It is still my opinion that SuperClubs will try to divide Hedo II and Hedo III into couples and singles resorts, that's just my opinion.
Security did an excellent job with clothed gawkers on the nude beach & pool, a few slipped through but not many, they didn't bother them if they were just walking or passing thru, but if they stopped, they got asked to disrobe or leave.
A new security guard attempted to stop photography of the sunset from the jetty one evening, but was quickly corrected by Carl from Watersports. If it is clean towels you need, find Carl, I swear he keeps a secret stash somewhere.
Augustus was there, always looking for a way to make your stay better, doing an excellent job of keeping the beach clean, and had a friendly smile for all who crossed his path.
The ocean floor at the nude beach was much cleaner than in the past, lots of people went in without water socks.
Weather was generally good, rain & thunderstorms a couple of afternoons, couple of days much cooler than expected.
We were lucky enough to have a room with all the "options" coffee maker, CD player, iron, hair dryer, clock radio, A/C, all in working order. Michelle loved the CD player, on our last trip she went through country music withdrawals. She did get a couple of chances to line dance in the Disco to a couple of songs.
Coffee maker in the room was great, make one foil packet every morning, throw one in the suitcase for home.
Water-Proof matches at the nude beach bar would be a lifesaver.
Saw one wedding performed on the nude beach jetty. There was a table all set up with nice silverware and china for a small reception. Then along came the rain and wind, ruined that plan. The bride really looked great though. I guess that if it is going to rain on your wedding, being at Hedo makes it better.
Grilled Cheese sandwiches and Grilled Ham & Cheese sandwiches from the Beach Grill taste just alike, and they both taste pretty much like the French fries. The 6pm chicken was outstanding as usual.
I guess Vodka Slushes have fallen out of favor with the crowd since they are no longer available from the pre-mix machines. Service at the Disco Bar and the Main bar are still less than stellar, I sometimes felt as though I was invisible. Service at the Nude Beach bar was slow, but they were usually horribly busy, Veronica's Bar had excellent service.
Michelle got an hour long massage at the massage shack, swears it was the best money she has ever spent. $50 for the hour plus a $10 tip, she was so relaxed she had trouble walking back to the room for a nap afterwards.
Didn't get offered Ganja by anyone at all this trip, not one person. Could smell it being smoked in the hot-tub on a couple of occasions, but basically never was bothered one bit by it.
I assume there were some roof leak problems on the last group of rooms closest to the nude pool, they were working on the roof almost the entire week we were there. I know they weren't just sitting up there checking out the girls, I actually saw part of the old roof being torn off.
If the mirror on the ceiling has to distort your body, why cant it make it taller and thinner instead of shorter and wider?
Water problems, I am sure enough has been said about them, I got burned worse by the hot water than by the sun. If they aren't going to fix the water they should at least spring for anti-scald shower heads, before someone gets burned really bad and sues them.
There is much talk of how good the food is at Hedo, I didn't go hungry by any stretch of the imagination. In fact most of it was not bad at all, even the much maligned Chinese food wasn't bad, I have had much worse. Even lucky enough to have a lobster night. A sharp knife would be a nice addition for cutting meat, I felt like I had been committed to an insane asylum, having to cut meat with a butter knife.
Heard a story of one particularly obnoxious jerk trying to slip a date-rape drug into a ladies drink, he was not even a guest at Hedo, just on a pass. We can only hope that Hedo and/or SuperClubs will not let this pass un-noticed and will deal very very harshly with anyone caught trying anything similar. Time in a Jamaican jail sounds quite appropriate to me.
GREG'S AWARDS FOR THE WEEK
PARTY ANIMALS......Mike & Kelly, they were unstoppable. Tamara (pronounced Tuh-mara) one of the entertainment coordinators gets runner-up for getting "initiated" on the island picnic
BEST TATTOO.....Mike & Kelly again, they just had such a good selection. Dena gets runner up.
BEST HEDO VIRGIN.....Bonnie, her first trip, but you never would have guessed it. Bob& Bobbie get runner-up.
MOST SECRETIVE.....Dan & Deb, saw them a bunch of times, still don't know what all they were up too.
SLEEPIEST PERSON.....Robyn , I think one day she slept for 14 hours, Michelle gets runner-up here.
SOCIAL BUTTERFLY.....Diane (MomFive0) She knew everyone. Vicki gets runner-up.
BEST AT HAVING A TOWEL HANDY.....Towel-Boy wins here hands down. He had a towel surgically attached to his waist before leaving on his trip, therefore relieving him of the worry of finding clean towels at the dive shack.
MOST PRUDE.....Heather Jr., took her 4 days to get naked. Towel-Boy gets runner up.
BEST PACKING TIP.....Karen , roll those clothes up, if you never tried it, it saves a world of room.
BEST ODD BRUISE, CUT, OR SCRAPE.....Terri , she had a really nasty one from cliff jumping at Ricks. Kat gets runner-up here for her run-in with the steps at Veronicas. There was a guy with a shaved head who had his whole finger taped up, I will give him an honorable mention, although I have no idea what happened.
BEST OVERHEARD COMMENT.....Steven King is going to write a book about that stuff floating on the top of the water in the hot-tub.
STATEMENT HEARD THE MOST TIMES.....Has anyone seen my drink/cigarettes/sandals/mug/sunglasses/wife/mind/room key/morals. Usually I was the one asking the question.
SILLIEST QUESTION.....Bartender at the main bar, asked me if I wanted my insulated mug "full" with the drink he was mixing me.
2nd SILLIEST QUESTION.....Same bartender, asked me if I wanted another drink when I showed back up about 10 minutes later.
BRAVEST QUESTION.....Terri, for asking Male or Female at the nude pool ( the person in question was wearing clothes.)
BEST SUNBURN.....Lobster Man, I think his name was Kevin, he gets half an award since only his front side was burned really bad.
BEST CELEBRITY LOOK-ALIKE.....Dena, wow, all I can say is wow, looked just like Dyan Cannon. Runner-up goes to a guy named Ron, who was with a group who wore green and white ballcaps, he looked like Cal Ripken Jr. I wish I had a picture of him.
And yes, a quick hello to the people I met there, if you weren't there skip this part.....Jack & Bonnie .....Scott & Terri.....Mike & Kelly.....Bob & Bobbie.....Ed & Robyn.....Robert & Cris.....Tommy & Della.....Carl & Diane.....Matt & Karen.....Todd & Sue.....Ron & Paula.....Vicki & Michael.....Joe & Mary.....Bob & Liz.....Dan & Deb.....Tony & Kat (congratulations).....Carl & Doreen.....Jenny.....Wendy.....Heather Sr. & Heather Jr.....Dena.....and about 20 others whose names have slipped my mind.
Feel free to E-mail questions or comments on my trip report.